Some years ago, i formulated a theory, i dont know if it existed already, but i think i came up with it. Even if i'm wrong, for me, i'm still the person behind it.
Actually, A levels was a life changing experience for me. Not only for me, A levels is life changing for everyone because its that stage where you really start feeling independent.
Now i had previously been very naive with people, dealing with people that is. As a result, most of the time, i got disappointed. But the experience wasn't lost, infact i learn a lot from it. At the end of it all, in my A levels, i realised something. I called it a theory, and i've just come up with a name, The Three Stage Theory.
This theory is actually pretty simple and is applied everyday in our lives. I hope i'm able to explain it, without having to undermine the clarity with which it exists in my mind.
The theory states that there are 3 stages of knowing someone.
STAGE 1- this is when you meet the person for the first time, this is the FIRST IMPRESSION STAGE. Now as we all know with first impressions, they can be good or bad, and each possibility has an equal chance. This stage also extends to people who you never get beyond salutations, so infact you practically only have the first impressions about them.
STAGE 2- this is the stage when you get to know a person better, infact much better. You get to spend some time with them, you normally share some common interests, you sit and talk about current affairs or anything that goes around but the talk rarely or even never wanders to your or the other person's deepest feelings. You're not close but you're not far apart as well, this is like an intermediate stage. What's funny is that i found out that at this stage, an overwhelming majority of people are nice!! They're caring, friendly, considerate, at this stage that is. Very few people come across as BAD people at this stage.
STAGE 3- this is the final and most important stage. This is when you go beyond the niceties, you go inside a person's heart and soul. You really know what the person is about. This is a cruel stage, because people who appeared NICE previously might not be so, and you might have to take them back to stage 2 or even 1! This is when you come so close to a person that you actually get to see chinks and scratches in the apparently shiny armour. You get to know about every fault of the other person, and you get to experience that first hand. But things aren't always bad. This is the stage where you can actually pour your heart out to the person, you can speak without having to think.
now its upto us, to what stage we take people. of course things also happen automatically, but we do have a lot more control than we believe. i found this a way to categorize people i used to meet. but there's one thing i learnt, when you take someone to STAGE 3, you have to learn to accept their flaws as they are, taking people back to STAGE 2 hurts. Nothing about humans is perfect, not even the relationships we are in. Reverting just because of a few flaws is not a good idea. Infact, its very important in the first place to identify exactly who you want to take the risk with of taking to STAGE 3.
another thing, when you are close enough to someone to see their flaws, they can very very very well see yours too.
p.s. i cant believe i wrote such a heartless emotionless post
10 comments:
اور کمنٹ کے بارے میں کیا تھیوری ہے؟
:D
Interesting theory and have to agree, we all go through these stages of progression when it comes to relationships.
A slight exception always hold true. There will be some people to whom such categorization might not be applicable and they may directly win that phase of close personal connection just based on their personality and for some, we do not even make past the first stage.
Take care!
@dufferistan
lol
@exquisite
yeah you're right about the exceptions, about the point that some people immediately become closest to you. But you know, still i think they do go thru the other stages, its just that in these cases the stages are short enough to be neglected.
And about people who never get past the first stage, well, like i said thats always a possibility. Infact sometimes you decide yourself to not to go beyond that point, whatever the reasons might be.
well that is the objective analysis on ur part so not exactly emtionless?
and as u said we need to accept ppl with their flaws. also in a way those flaws are reflective of how flawed we ourselves are!
but isnt the 3 stage theory a bit simplistic? just a thought.
Yup, simplistic but thats how life should be kept. Like i said that we're much more in control of our relationships than we believe. Keeping things simple helps a lot.
well said!
we mite be much more in control of our relationships than we believe but its not so easy to keep things simple...infact id say that the level of simplicity or complexity is completely and inevitably dependent on the time and the mood...sometimes no matter how simple we try to keep things no matter how clearly defined it is in our little brains, there always a niggling little worm of doubt wriggling in and blowing all tht facade of simplicity apart...and suddenly nothing is simple anymore...nothing is clear...its all a circle of hazy clouds swarming around each other parting for a sec and then clouding up again...
P.S. I agree with ur theory for once :P go celebrate
@mahru
Honoured ma'am
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