I've just had dinner and i'm watchin tv in the management club lounge, waiting for all the other internees to finish their dinner. Earphones plugged in my ears i'm listening to A Brave New World by Iron Maiden. I dont know lately i've skipped this song whenever i came across it in my playlist. But today i've decided to listen to it.
The uncle sitting beside me has switched to geo. I can't hear anything obviously, but i can clearly see the blue white orange of geo that has become a warning signal in the recent times. The scrolling headlines are confirming my belief. They're telling me that it was very wise of me to avoid it in the past few days. Why?
"Pakistan starts army operation in northern Areas"
"Richard Boucher arrives in pakistan"
"We've to see if this operation is in the favour of pakistan's interests or not."
"All coalition partners were taken into confidence before starting this operation"
"America would be happy with this operation"
"The US was never in the favour of a deal with taliban"
"We will use force to deal with them-Musharaf"
if this isn't heart-wrenching, demoralising enough, a huge headline appears, covering approximately half of the screen, accompanying it is a video feed of our satisfied looking prime minister
"PM Gillani attending a dinner hosted by a famous industrialist in Karachi"
i look at the tv for the last time. Normally, i'm not one to escape into the realms of ignorance, but this moment i curse television and the moment i decided to turn it on the news channel. I want to cry, not just as an expression of sympathy, but also as an expression of anger, of helplessness...but crying isn't even of any use anymore. We've kept so many tears inside, we've tried to ignore so much, to absorb so much without paying any heed to it that tears seem pointless. Totally pointless.
I just want to close my eyes, to imagine myself in a world where the blue white orange won't haunt me! Where my rulers dont dine over the bodies of my brethren!
30 June 2008
29 June 2008
My dream
I've a really strange habit. When i watch football, for some reason i imagine myself playing. I always imagine that the players i'm watching on screen is me. I imagine myself in moments of triumph, in moments of crisis. I imagine myself scoring a goal and celebrating infront of the fans, jumping up and down. I imagine picking myself up after a goal is scored against us, making a comeback, defying all the odds. But most of all i imagine myself standing, my hand on my heart, listening to my national anthem. Singing it, making sure the world knows what all this means to me. There's probably no feeling better than this. Even watching it on tv lifts me up.
The reason i do and feel all this, because this is my dream. I hope i'll be able to follow my dream someday. I really do. It really means a lot!
The reason i do and feel all this, because this is my dream. I hope i'll be able to follow my dream someday. I really do. It really means a lot!
Zindagi aisay na beetay
Chupke se, khamoshi se,
khizaan ki dupeher ki tarah,
jo shehron ko veeraan kar day,
dil ko ujaarr day,
usi shaam ki tarah,
jis ki tez hava har ek ko urra le jaey,
har dil ko, har rooh ko,
jo chheen le tujh se,
har khushi, har sukh,
usi muqadar k toofan ki tarah,
jis may beh jaey tu bhi,
beh jaon may bhi,
toot jain khwab tere bhi,
toot jain mere bhi.
K zindagi na beet jaey,
isi raat k sehraa ki tarah,
nahin zindagi jis may,
bas daikh aye dost!
zindagi na beet jaey,
chupke se, khamoshi se,
kuch bol,
kuch apne liay, kuch meray liay,
k dunya k gham hain bohat,
chupke se na beetay gi ye zindagi,
gar to chahay bhi,
siskian hongi, cheekhain hongi,
teri bhi, meri bhi.
To sun mere dost!
in siskion ka, khamoshi ka,
na ker tu intezar,
na ker intezar,
dupehar ka, sham ka, raat ka,
k toofaan intezar se nahin ata,
torr day apni majburion ko,
chhor day dunya ki fikar,
k gham to hain unmitt,
aur humne to mitt jana hai,
chhor day udasi,
chhor day khamoshi,
ek baat kahun agar mano tum?
Bas chhor day ab sochna!
khizaan ki dupeher ki tarah,
jo shehron ko veeraan kar day,
dil ko ujaarr day,
usi shaam ki tarah,
jis ki tez hava har ek ko urra le jaey,
har dil ko, har rooh ko,
jo chheen le tujh se,
har khushi, har sukh,
usi muqadar k toofan ki tarah,
jis may beh jaey tu bhi,
beh jaon may bhi,
toot jain khwab tere bhi,
toot jain mere bhi.
K zindagi na beet jaey,
isi raat k sehraa ki tarah,
nahin zindagi jis may,
bas daikh aye dost!
zindagi na beet jaey,
chupke se, khamoshi se,
kuch bol,
kuch apne liay, kuch meray liay,
k dunya k gham hain bohat,
chupke se na beetay gi ye zindagi,
gar to chahay bhi,
siskian hongi, cheekhain hongi,
teri bhi, meri bhi.
To sun mere dost!
in siskion ka, khamoshi ka,
na ker tu intezar,
na ker intezar,
dupehar ka, sham ka, raat ka,
k toofaan intezar se nahin ata,
torr day apni majburion ko,
chhor day dunya ki fikar,
k gham to hain unmitt,
aur humne to mitt jana hai,
chhor day udasi,
chhor day khamoshi,
ek baat kahun agar mano tum?
Bas chhor day ab sochna!
28 June 2008
Some of our catchphrases
Best of luck.
Hp:"may kal uni ja raha hun,chalna hai?"
mana:"haha, best of luck"
Chal YES ho.
Hp:"yar muje credit datlwa day"
mha:"chal YES ho"
Yes karao.
Chuss: "yes na karao"
Zaraa panch minute socho tumne kya baat ki hai.
mana:"yar tunay kabi naak may ungli daal k muun may dali hai?"
hp:"yar tu zaraa panch minute soch baat kya kii hai"
Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey.
Mha:"Oye yar wapas chal i forgot my football shoes at home"
hp:"Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey"
Studies kaisi ja rai hain?
Chuss: "tu naraz hai?"
mana: "aur suna studies kaisi ja rai hain?"
Guard on!
Mana: "tje pta hai mera dost hai ek..."
jaws: "ek minute guard on krlo, now we're safe from all phainkiis"
I'm still thinking of more...there were so many
Hp:"may kal uni ja raha hun,chalna hai?"
mana:"haha, best of luck"
Chal YES ho.
Hp:"yar muje credit datlwa day"
mha:"chal YES ho"
Yes karao.
Chuss: "yes na karao"
Zaraa panch minute socho tumne kya baat ki hai.
mana:"yar tunay kabi naak may ungli daal k muun may dali hai?"
hp:"yar tu zaraa panch minute soch baat kya kii hai"
Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey.
Mha:"Oye yar wapas chal i forgot my football shoes at home"
hp:"Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey"
Studies kaisi ja rai hain?
Chuss: "tu naraz hai?"
mana: "aur suna studies kaisi ja rai hain?"
Guard on!
Mana: "tje pta hai mera dost hai ek..."
jaws: "ek minute guard on krlo, now we're safe from all phainkiis"
I'm still thinking of more...there were so many
27 June 2008
Faiz (with translation)
"Mata-e-lauh-o-qalam chhin gai to kya ghum,
ke khoon-e-dil may dabo li hain unglian maine,
zubaan pe mohar lagi hai to kya ke rakh di hai,
har ek halqa-e-zanjeer may zubaan maine"
--- Faiz Ahmad Faiz
They've taken my pen, my ink but why worry?
For i've dipped my fingers in the blood of my heart,
So wat if my tongue is tied and i cant scream?
I've given every link of my shackles the courage to speak!
ke khoon-e-dil may dabo li hain unglian maine,
zubaan pe mohar lagi hai to kya ke rakh di hai,
har ek halqa-e-zanjeer may zubaan maine"
--- Faiz Ahmad Faiz
They've taken my pen, my ink but why worry?
For i've dipped my fingers in the blood of my heart,
So wat if my tongue is tied and i cant scream?
I've given every link of my shackles the courage to speak!
Prayers
Yesterday was my first day at the Auto workshop at mari gas. It went pretty good, i learnt new things about the engine, especially, tractor engines. But this wasn't the most important thing i learnt.
First of all, it would be appropriate to get a picture of the people who work there. Obviously there's an ustaad and his helpers. The "head" ustaad is on a leave apparently, so i'm attached to ustaad sikander. How we talked for the first time and his reluctancy to train guys from Lahore is a separate story.
Now we talked all day, sometimes about engines, sometimes about general stuff. I learnt a lot from them. Not everything was good, but then thats a part of the package. But the most important thing was actually wat ustaad sikandar said.
An old man came inside the workshop. He talked in sindhi and he wanted to work at the company for 3 4 days as a daily wager so he could save up money to go back to his city. Ustaad told him to contact the Sahab, and he went away. It was surprising to hear that despite his age and his lean stature, the old man claimed he could lift 60kg easily! Talk about power. Anyways when he went away ustaad turned to me.
"always respect the poor people. You know, one day when you get a job, and you become a BARA ADMI, never forget the poor people. Even if you give them nothing, give the all the respect you can. Stop in the middle of the road to meet them, greet them, shake their hands and hug them. You cant imagine how blessed this would be for you and you'll get free prayers. On the other hand, snubbing them would be pathetic. And then you'll be cursed for free obviously" i thought about it. I knew all this already i thought.
We talked about the heat in daharki and i said its so hot that its difficult to live here. Ustaad had something to say about it
"why do you feel the heat. You and i stay in the airconditioner and cooler and under fans atleast all the time. Think of the people who dont even have fans, who dont even have a simple shelter to hide them from the cruel sun. And you know they pray more than we do. They really love God. And they thank Him for whatever he's given them. You and I can never know what they feel and how patient they are."
i was regretting my hurried thanklessness. But ustaad sikander had still to tell me one of the strangest truths.
"You know, these people pray for the wind to blow and rain to come so that they can get some relief from the extreme heat. They realise, Allah brings their only relief. Its the prayers of these people that Allah answers and showers rain on a desert. Its these people who pray with their utmost earnest. Because only they can feel the real need for rain, and for wind. Not you and I"
i thought about it for a second. And i was touched.
I turned off my ac because it was starting to get freezing cold. I thought i'd been inside my room the whole day, and the weather seemed so normal today. I hoped the weather would remain the same in daharki. I soon realized it was time for dinner (i've to walk down to the members' club for meals). I got out of my room and out of the BOQ building. I realised how wrong i had been. It was boiling hot. The breeze was so hot it felt like coming out of an oven. It was then i realised how short sighted we always are and how we fail to notice the reality. I immediately thought about what ustaad sikandar had said.
I imagined a kid lying in bed, his mother telling him to go to sleep, but its too hot. The mother tells him to take a bath, but even the water is boiling hot. I imagined him praying for a cooler weather. For wind. For rain. I imagined the pain of all such children and women and men. I took a deep breath. Stopped walking, and in my heart, i prayed earnestly. I prayed for these people who were being tested. I prayed for relief.
I prayed for rain.
First of all, it would be appropriate to get a picture of the people who work there. Obviously there's an ustaad and his helpers. The "head" ustaad is on a leave apparently, so i'm attached to ustaad sikander. How we talked for the first time and his reluctancy to train guys from Lahore is a separate story.
Now we talked all day, sometimes about engines, sometimes about general stuff. I learnt a lot from them. Not everything was good, but then thats a part of the package. But the most important thing was actually wat ustaad sikandar said.
An old man came inside the workshop. He talked in sindhi and he wanted to work at the company for 3 4 days as a daily wager so he could save up money to go back to his city. Ustaad told him to contact the Sahab, and he went away. It was surprising to hear that despite his age and his lean stature, the old man claimed he could lift 60kg easily! Talk about power. Anyways when he went away ustaad turned to me.
"always respect the poor people. You know, one day when you get a job, and you become a BARA ADMI, never forget the poor people. Even if you give them nothing, give the all the respect you can. Stop in the middle of the road to meet them, greet them, shake their hands and hug them. You cant imagine how blessed this would be for you and you'll get free prayers. On the other hand, snubbing them would be pathetic. And then you'll be cursed for free obviously" i thought about it. I knew all this already i thought.
We talked about the heat in daharki and i said its so hot that its difficult to live here. Ustaad had something to say about it
"why do you feel the heat. You and i stay in the airconditioner and cooler and under fans atleast all the time. Think of the people who dont even have fans, who dont even have a simple shelter to hide them from the cruel sun. And you know they pray more than we do. They really love God. And they thank Him for whatever he's given them. You and I can never know what they feel and how patient they are."
i was regretting my hurried thanklessness. But ustaad sikander had still to tell me one of the strangest truths.
"You know, these people pray for the wind to blow and rain to come so that they can get some relief from the extreme heat. They realise, Allah brings their only relief. Its the prayers of these people that Allah answers and showers rain on a desert. Its these people who pray with their utmost earnest. Because only they can feel the real need for rain, and for wind. Not you and I"
i thought about it for a second. And i was touched.
I turned off my ac because it was starting to get freezing cold. I thought i'd been inside my room the whole day, and the weather seemed so normal today. I hoped the weather would remain the same in daharki. I soon realized it was time for dinner (i've to walk down to the members' club for meals). I got out of my room and out of the BOQ building. I realised how wrong i had been. It was boiling hot. The breeze was so hot it felt like coming out of an oven. It was then i realised how short sighted we always are and how we fail to notice the reality. I immediately thought about what ustaad sikandar had said.
I imagined a kid lying in bed, his mother telling him to go to sleep, but its too hot. The mother tells him to take a bath, but even the water is boiling hot. I imagined him praying for a cooler weather. For wind. For rain. I imagined the pain of all such children and women and men. I took a deep breath. Stopped walking, and in my heart, i prayed earnestly. I prayed for these people who were being tested. I prayed for relief.
I prayed for rain.
20 June 2008
19 June 2008
Day 1: Bahawalpur
Though i think i should've written it yesterday night, instead of writing it in the bus to sadiqabad, i should just be thankful that a blessing such as gprs is still working. My greatest fear came to life when i got off the bus at the daewoo stop at bahawalpur, checked my internet and found out that opera wasn't working. I thought i was doomed. But soon javed uncle came to pick me up and i got home and found out that it did work there and the reason it didn't was something unknown.
I realised yesterday that i really needed this long break from my life, no matter how hard this might be, i know one thing for sure, this is one point of my life when i've learnt to appreciate the smallest things in life, and this is the best time to visit places i haven't seen before and where people dont normally go vacationing!
Anyways, i got a Vip welcome, had good food, took a nap, woke up and decided it was time to have a good look around the city. My cousin ammad readily agreed and we set off on his bike.
I was visiting this city for the first time and i wasn't really disappointed, while bahawalpur is nothing like Lahore, its not bad either. Infact, just because its not as developed or brightly lit doesn't mean it doesn't have its own charms. I was telling mahrukh that this city feels like an oasis in cholistan, as everything around the city speaks of its origins and roots of sand. There's this big road near which my phuppo lives and it seems to go on forever, i.e. Till the city ends.
Sadiq public school was the first thing i noted. I had heard a lot, and the campus was big and fascinating. Really big. The advantage of making institutions ho such cities is the extent of space available! Anyhow, i wanted to see Ammad's college too, and i found this out too that quaid e Azam medical college is one big college. Bigger than K.E and AIMC. But there was something disappointing, its walls were littered with slogans of different political unions. Even the hostel walls. This was something i wish could be eliminated. I'm not against student unions, but here, they're mercilessly corrupted and manipulated, and we dont deserve them right now until we mend our ways.
I wanted to see islamia university too but the main campus known as the baghdad campus is right ho the middle of the desert, outside the city. Somehow visiting different institutions gives me happiness, firstly it tells me that yes there are still places in pakistan where people who are really ALIVE still live and spend their lives. Secondly, it gives me a lot of pride to feel that i'm representing my institution my u.e.t at some other one, although not officially!
We had plum juice, icecream and then burgers from this joint called zanzibar, all the time trying not to compare it with anything in Lahore, because...you just cant, Lahore Lahore hai!
All the while i tried not to think about today, that is the 19th. I have tried to covert all my nervousness to excitement, and i really want to have a good time there. But it so happens that when something is really anticipated, when the real moment arrives you end up having some disappointments. Though i tried to keep the level of my hopes down, but its me, so i think i realise i'll be disappointed in a few areas, or many areas even.
After long chats with guddi phuppo and uncle and ammad, and their insistence on me visiting them once again during my internship, i left the city happily. I'm just given lays and cafe by the daewoo hostess and i'm thanking God i had paratha this morning or i'd be starved!
By the way, i still dont know if warid works ho Daharki!
I realised yesterday that i really needed this long break from my life, no matter how hard this might be, i know one thing for sure, this is one point of my life when i've learnt to appreciate the smallest things in life, and this is the best time to visit places i haven't seen before and where people dont normally go vacationing!
Anyways, i got a Vip welcome, had good food, took a nap, woke up and decided it was time to have a good look around the city. My cousin ammad readily agreed and we set off on his bike.
I was visiting this city for the first time and i wasn't really disappointed, while bahawalpur is nothing like Lahore, its not bad either. Infact, just because its not as developed or brightly lit doesn't mean it doesn't have its own charms. I was telling mahrukh that this city feels like an oasis in cholistan, as everything around the city speaks of its origins and roots of sand. There's this big road near which my phuppo lives and it seems to go on forever, i.e. Till the city ends.
Sadiq public school was the first thing i noted. I had heard a lot, and the campus was big and fascinating. Really big. The advantage of making institutions ho such cities is the extent of space available! Anyhow, i wanted to see Ammad's college too, and i found this out too that quaid e Azam medical college is one big college. Bigger than K.E and AIMC. But there was something disappointing, its walls were littered with slogans of different political unions. Even the hostel walls. This was something i wish could be eliminated. I'm not against student unions, but here, they're mercilessly corrupted and manipulated, and we dont deserve them right now until we mend our ways.
I wanted to see islamia university too but the main campus known as the baghdad campus is right ho the middle of the desert, outside the city. Somehow visiting different institutions gives me happiness, firstly it tells me that yes there are still places in pakistan where people who are really ALIVE still live and spend their lives. Secondly, it gives me a lot of pride to feel that i'm representing my institution my u.e.t at some other one, although not officially!
We had plum juice, icecream and then burgers from this joint called zanzibar, all the time trying not to compare it with anything in Lahore, because...you just cant, Lahore Lahore hai!
All the while i tried not to think about today, that is the 19th. I have tried to covert all my nervousness to excitement, and i really want to have a good time there. But it so happens that when something is really anticipated, when the real moment arrives you end up having some disappointments. Though i tried to keep the level of my hopes down, but its me, so i think i realise i'll be disappointed in a few areas, or many areas even.
After long chats with guddi phuppo and uncle and ammad, and their insistence on me visiting them once again during my internship, i left the city happily. I'm just given lays and cafe by the daewoo hostess and i'm thanking God i had paratha this morning or i'd be starved!
By the way, i still dont know if warid works ho Daharki!
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