From the U.E.T library, 11:09am

I've borrowed a friend's user ID and library card. I've set foot in the library after such a long time that I've almost forgotten the library ethics (Not that I was much ethical in this regard previously). Anyways, i really am not sure what do I want to write about. I'm not even sure if I CAN write anything. Its like a typicl bottle neck, I'm excited that I want to write, but there seem to be no words or phrases that I deem fit for writing. The reason is maybe that I've stayed away from myself for such a long time that its almost like I've forgotten how to talk to myself. Now when i think about the past four or five months, I'm horrified and surprised at the same time. Horrified because I never thought I'd desert myself like this, and surprised because I was able to survive without myself for such a long time!!!! I dont even know if I'm making any sense, because the world I've been in touch with lately is not the world of perpetuality, its infact a very tentative world. We speak stuff that sometimes doesnt even mean anything, but people dont object. They dont object because either they're not listening carefully, or they're intelligent enough to realize that they too make meaningless conversations! Whichever is the case, all of it vanishes into thin air, and even a person with an innerself as overpowering as mine doesnt pay much heed. But then, there comes a point that we grow sick and tired of this tentativeness. Its then, that we sit back, close our eyes and try talking to our ownselves.
But then the situation isn't that bad. I mean, I know that whatever I've written above has been a kind of short painstaking process, but still, I dont think if I was saying all this, anyone would have been expected to hear me out. So, things are really not bad. Maybe I can still redeem my ability to write. The excitement is still here, I just need to pull myself out of my small world (that has been shrinking lately :)) and make up with myself. Yes, I still dont know what I'm talking about but atleast I'm writing!!!!