Its so strange sometimes you dont want to write anything at all, and the sole reason for this post is that i dont want to write anything at all right now. Why? I've no answer to that question. It just seems that everytime i think about some topic to base my post upon, it seems that i've a very haphazard way of thinking. In a way that i can only think on one topic for less than 5 minutes these days. And therefore, it appears to me, that i cannot write about one particular thing for more than a paragraph these days. Thats why, i sat alone and thought about it. I came to a conclusion that if i start writing about NOTHING, after one paragraph, i might run out of ideas about nothing and then i might start writing about something!
Well i dont know the reason for this randomness of thoughts these days but i do know that one thing i've rarely been able to do is to save some money for the future. I wont be unfair and say that i've never ever saved up money, but that's happened very seldom. Anyways, take this month for example.
I came out of a shopping plaza on link road, i was really worried. That was because i really really wanted to buy the perfume called BVLGARI AQVA, i still want to, but i didn't have money. I knew it cost around 2K. I did all the calculations and realised that in order to save that much cash, i'd have to save the whole of next month's pocket money and also my daily allowances for the remainder of this month. Now, inside the shopping plaza, where i could see the object of my desire, this decision was not difficult, but just as i came out of the shop i started thinking.
"how can i live without my pocket money?"
"what'll i do everyday?"
"what'll happen to my occasional bars of chocolates that i buy?"
"what'll happen to all the extra credit that i buy with my pocket money?"
"what'll happen to my biryanis at SSC?"
"what'll i do with an empty pocket?"
the questions went on forever and i was in one of the most confusing dilemmas of my life. To help me reach a random conclusion, i texted my friends, about the options i had.
"i have to buy a perfume, but i dont have money for it right now. My option is either to stay very low for the whole month and save up money to buy it or just forget about it. What should i do?"
the responses i got were pretty surprising. Almost everyone asked me to forget about the perfume and just use my money as i normally do. Obviously awais said i should save it up to help someone out. Anyways, i already knew i wouldn't save the money anyways, but these texts helped me convince myself that i could live without the perfume. And anyways i've the miniatures that i buy every month (in the end they'll take up more money than the large bottle of the perfume)
i think i knew the end of the episode before it even again. I think i have realised that i'm a free flowing spirit, although thats not a good indication when talking about cash outflows. Saving money, when it means not spending the way i do, like letting your mobile starve without credit for days, that neiter my forte nor my habit. I tried to convince yasir to buy me the perfume and hire me as the marketing manager for our magazine (the logic was that the manager has to smell good and he'd have to buy me the perfume anyways). Infact i've been trying to plead my case to everyone, literally. I cant remember a person i haven't asked for that perfume. But i think i'll have to wait for the right person. Till then, i think its better to be a free flowing spirit than a sweet smelling one!
26 March 2008
22 March 2008
Why do we think?
There has been an ongoing controversy about the people who tried to insult our Holy Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w)...there should be no controversy between the muslims...these people donot deserve any share of our mercy...atleast i cannot stand the fact that they tried to insult the person who's dearer to me than all the other people in my life. Atleast i cannot bog down my rage, and i donot want to. The fear that most muslims have is that the world might call them ferocious or violent. But to hell with all these people. There is no place for fear when someone abuses your mother or sister. You donot care for your image. Then why this hesitation when the greatest person in the world is concerned? Let our intentions be known.
Anyone who even thinks about committing such heinous acts deserves nothing but DEATH! Call me violent or emotional..i'd like to be called both..these people who do or endorse these acts cannot be spared by any muslim...because the love of our Prophet (s.a.w) is one of the building blocks of our faith...we muslims are not helpless that we wont even react when such an act is committed...there must be NO MERCY for these people...not even a single tiny merciful thought!
Down with these people...i hope i can get my hands on one of these people...i really do...because i'm REALLY REALLY angry...
"AND VERILY, ITS YOUR ENEMY WHO'LL BE ISSUELESS" (Surah Al-Kausar)
I hope we wake up in time.
Anyone who even thinks about committing such heinous acts deserves nothing but DEATH! Call me violent or emotional..i'd like to be called both..these people who do or endorse these acts cannot be spared by any muslim...because the love of our Prophet (s.a.w) is one of the building blocks of our faith...we muslims are not helpless that we wont even react when such an act is committed...there must be NO MERCY for these people...not even a single tiny merciful thought!
Down with these people...i hope i can get my hands on one of these people...i really do...because i'm REALLY REALLY angry...
"AND VERILY, ITS YOUR ENEMY WHO'LL BE ISSUELESS" (Surah Al-Kausar)
I hope we wake up in time.
18 March 2008
To my queen
Someone reminded me today that you're beautiful,
i said no, you were the best,
your image burnt into my memories, everything so clear,
hearing your name makes my heart go all misty,
it brings a smile to my eyes,
though i know it was a little painful,
but now the memories seem so beautiful, so cherishable, so bright,
your face, your hair, its like i'm reliving you again,
just looking at you through the screen brings tranced thoughts that engulf my feeble memories,
i'm helpless in a way,
i just sit there,
telling people closest to me that you were the life,
and deep down i know,
that you're gone,
and you won't be coming back,
But atleast,
I LIVED ONCE.
i said no, you were the best,
your image burnt into my memories, everything so clear,
hearing your name makes my heart go all misty,
it brings a smile to my eyes,
though i know it was a little painful,
but now the memories seem so beautiful, so cherishable, so bright,
your face, your hair, its like i'm reliving you again,
just looking at you through the screen brings tranced thoughts that engulf my feeble memories,
i'm helpless in a way,
i just sit there,
telling people closest to me that you were the life,
and deep down i know,
that you're gone,
and you won't be coming back,
But atleast,
I LIVED ONCE.
16 March 2008
A faint, distant yearning
I think this post may sound very random, firstly because i'm in my car and secondly because i don't think anything could express what i'm feeling right now.
We just went to see my mom's friend's ami today. When she saw me she said "Raheela ka beta to nae lagta" and she smiled.
The way she spoke, she sounded Bengali. My mom had told me earlier that she was Bengali but i think i had forgotten by that time. Anyways, it was surprising that the Nani Aman (my mom's friend's ami) spoke with such enthusiasm despite the fact that both her legs were swollen to double their normal size, and it must've hurt. She was smiling and joking with everyone, and she acted like a kid. I couldn't see her face very clearly but i'm sure her eyes'd be shining. And from what I could see, she seemed kind of cute to me.
But all the while i sat there, i kept thinking. This was the first time in my life i thought of my Nani, in a manner of missing her. My own Nani. I dont remember anything at all about her. That's because she died when i was two years old. But watching this Nani Aman, i was shocked that i could miss someone i've never seen in my waking moments this much. I sat there, and tried to imagine my Nani. Ofcourse i've seen her pictures, but the picture i could make of her in my mind was of the lady who sat there infront of me. I tried to imagine what my Nani's lap would feel like when i'd put my head in it after having a fight with my mom, she tell me my how unfair my parents are and how much she loves me. She'd exaggerate and she'd tell me what i mean to her. She'd let me cry on her shoulder and i'd tell her stories about my friends. About things i ever fell in love with. I'd tell her about my days, and she'd tell me how she misses me when i'm not around. I'd tell her how she could read texts on a cellphone and she'd be surprised with how the things have turned out. I'd sit beside her and she'd knit sweaters, and i'd constantly nag her, askin her how she makes each square. I'd not let go of her. But i never really had her in the first place i think.
We just went to see my mom's friend's ami today. When she saw me she said "Raheela ka beta to nae lagta" and she smiled.
The way she spoke, she sounded Bengali. My mom had told me earlier that she was Bengali but i think i had forgotten by that time. Anyways, it was surprising that the Nani Aman (my mom's friend's ami) spoke with such enthusiasm despite the fact that both her legs were swollen to double their normal size, and it must've hurt. She was smiling and joking with everyone, and she acted like a kid. I couldn't see her face very clearly but i'm sure her eyes'd be shining. And from what I could see, she seemed kind of cute to me.
But all the while i sat there, i kept thinking. This was the first time in my life i thought of my Nani, in a manner of missing her. My own Nani. I dont remember anything at all about her. That's because she died when i was two years old. But watching this Nani Aman, i was shocked that i could miss someone i've never seen in my waking moments this much. I sat there, and tried to imagine my Nani. Ofcourse i've seen her pictures, but the picture i could make of her in my mind was of the lady who sat there infront of me. I tried to imagine what my Nani's lap would feel like when i'd put my head in it after having a fight with my mom, she tell me my how unfair my parents are and how much she loves me. She'd exaggerate and she'd tell me what i mean to her. She'd let me cry on her shoulder and i'd tell her stories about my friends. About things i ever fell in love with. I'd tell her about my days, and she'd tell me how she misses me when i'm not around. I'd tell her how she could read texts on a cellphone and she'd be surprised with how the things have turned out. I'd sit beside her and she'd knit sweaters, and i'd constantly nag her, askin her how she makes each square. I'd not let go of her. But i never really had her in the first place i think.
11 March 2008
This ain't our war.
This ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
bodies lying everywhere
the earth coloured in blood
screams and hapless cries of help
blasts, explosions the world's goin down
fear, anxiety, terror shadows
streets, roads, markets become gallows
apathy, cruelty, perpetual sickness
infects minds bodies and sadistic souls.
This ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
there is no collateral damage
there can be no victor
the fallen belong to us
the slain belong to us
the murderers belong to us
the victims belong to us
this land belongs to us
and the whole of it is turning into swat and waziristan
the tears belong to us
and there ain't no smiles.
This ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
but this is
our death
our sorrow
our lack of unity
our apathy
this ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
but one day
when all hope is lost
when the sun refuses to shine
there will be light
light from our hearts
i still have hope
we'll rise
we'll unite
the Muslim Ummah will awaken
and then it will be
OUR WAR
OUR DESTINY!
INSHAALLAH.
this ain't our destiny
bodies lying everywhere
the earth coloured in blood
screams and hapless cries of help
blasts, explosions the world's goin down
fear, anxiety, terror shadows
streets, roads, markets become gallows
apathy, cruelty, perpetual sickness
infects minds bodies and sadistic souls.
This ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
there is no collateral damage
there can be no victor
the fallen belong to us
the slain belong to us
the murderers belong to us
the victims belong to us
this land belongs to us
and the whole of it is turning into swat and waziristan
the tears belong to us
and there ain't no smiles.
This ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
but this is
our death
our sorrow
our lack of unity
our apathy
this ain't our war
this ain't our destiny
but one day
when all hope is lost
when the sun refuses to shine
there will be light
light from our hearts
i still have hope
we'll rise
we'll unite
the Muslim Ummah will awaken
and then it will be
OUR WAR
OUR DESTINY!
INSHAALLAH.
08 March 2008
Hair-raising dilemma
I really dont understand what is wrong with my hair. Infact, let me correct myself, i dont understand what people think is wrong with my hair. To explain what i mean, just let me quote two incidents that took place in the last week...these are just two of the hundreds of millions of incidents.
Incident 1:
i've gelled my hair into mountain-like spikes, but its not the typical spiky look, its more of a rough look, blown up hair, and looks cool i think...ultra cool..i enter my class room and the whole class looks at me. Okay i know i'm the only one who probably does a hairdo like that, but what's with passing smiles and giggling when i enter. The ultra drab boring mechanics of machines teacher looks at me, infact studies me...i make my way to my seat at the very back, walkin coolly. After studying about mechanical governors for almost 2 hours i think the teacher thought he needed a break. So he said :" you! Idar ao "
me: "me sir?"
he nods very lazily...i walk down to the dais...
Sir: "aapka kuch gum gya hai?"
i saw it comin
me: "no sir , kyu?"
sir: "haalat to aisi hi hai apki.kahan se atay ho?"
me: "model town sir "
sir: "to atay atay ye haal ho jata hai?"
me: "g sir actually mai sir bahir nikal k rakhta hun bus se na"
sir: "ainda se hulya theek karke ana.tmaray aur tmaray bachon k lia behtar hai."
me: "mere bachay?"
sir:"kyun? Honay nae?"
me: "inshaAllah sir"
sir:"tmay baad may samaj aye ga"
the episode ends there with the whole class looking at me and giggling but seriously,i was left perplexed as to what conclusion should i draw from the conversation i had with the teacher. The aftermath is what i'm still to see. I mean we all know uet teachers, they dont respond too well to hair and beard styles, i've even heard rumors of students failing because of them. I'm scared, just a bit.
Incident 2:
i wake up, make it a point to wet my hair just a bit, and then flatten it to an extent you could never say my hair could ever defy gravity. That sudden change is not because i am scared or anything but because i am slightly disheartened for the lack of appreciation of style at my university. Anyways i enter my classroom and am greeted by giggles, actually more than even the previous incident! Anyways i make my way to my seat and everyone inquires if i'm okay or not. Rather they asl why's my hair looking the way it is. Anyways, all that isn't doing much good to my mood, and i'm wondering if the world really is full of ungrateful people. Then, suddenly, asif zubair, who sits in the very next row speaks up
asif: "oye jani aj bara ujra ujra lag raha hai! Khair hai?"
i want to say something but i'm at a loss of words. I look at him, then i look skywards, pleading for help from God. But i know, asif's comment really is the the coup de grace!
Atleast for that week. Sigh
Incident 1:
i've gelled my hair into mountain-like spikes, but its not the typical spiky look, its more of a rough look, blown up hair, and looks cool i think...ultra cool..i enter my class room and the whole class looks at me. Okay i know i'm the only one who probably does a hairdo like that, but what's with passing smiles and giggling when i enter. The ultra drab boring mechanics of machines teacher looks at me, infact studies me...i make my way to my seat at the very back, walkin coolly. After studying about mechanical governors for almost 2 hours i think the teacher thought he needed a break. So he said :" you! Idar ao "
me: "me sir?"
he nods very lazily...i walk down to the dais...
Sir: "aapka kuch gum gya hai?"
i saw it comin
me: "no sir , kyu?"
sir: "haalat to aisi hi hai apki.kahan se atay ho?"
me: "model town sir "
sir: "to atay atay ye haal ho jata hai?"
me: "g sir actually mai sir bahir nikal k rakhta hun bus se na"
sir: "ainda se hulya theek karke ana.tmaray aur tmaray bachon k lia behtar hai."
me: "mere bachay?"
sir:"kyun? Honay nae?"
me: "inshaAllah sir"
sir:"tmay baad may samaj aye ga"
the episode ends there with the whole class looking at me and giggling but seriously,i was left perplexed as to what conclusion should i draw from the conversation i had with the teacher. The aftermath is what i'm still to see. I mean we all know uet teachers, they dont respond too well to hair and beard styles, i've even heard rumors of students failing because of them. I'm scared, just a bit.
Incident 2:
i wake up, make it a point to wet my hair just a bit, and then flatten it to an extent you could never say my hair could ever defy gravity. That sudden change is not because i am scared or anything but because i am slightly disheartened for the lack of appreciation of style at my university. Anyways i enter my classroom and am greeted by giggles, actually more than even the previous incident! Anyways i make my way to my seat and everyone inquires if i'm okay or not. Rather they asl why's my hair looking the way it is. Anyways, all that isn't doing much good to my mood, and i'm wondering if the world really is full of ungrateful people. Then, suddenly, asif zubair, who sits in the very next row speaks up
asif: "oye jani aj bara ujra ujra lag raha hai! Khair hai?"
i want to say something but i'm at a loss of words. I look at him, then i look skywards, pleading for help from God. But i know, asif's comment really is the the coup de grace!
Atleast for that week. Sigh
07 March 2008
Hum jeet gaey...ALHAMDULILLAH
***UFL fall2007 nov07***
Jaws: we're gonna win for sure
Maana: obviously yar, we've beaten every team at uet, the reason we're organising this tournament is that we're sure we're gonna win, then the winning prize is gonna come to us along with all the profits the organising committee gets.
Bajwa: o yar fikar na kar. Baki sab farig players hain, we're gonna win yar, kami wagaira saray farig.
m.h.a: o bhai khuda k wastay inshaAllah keh do
everyone: inshaAllah inshaAllah
h.p: yar ye tournament zarur jeetna hai
m.h.a: o chawal itni dair se yahi keh rahay hain.but we're so over confident, haar na jain apne overconfidence ki waja se
jaws: this is not overconfidence, we know yar, thats the truth
maana: han jaws sai keh raha hai hassaan
m.h.a: nae maanay....
Maana: harami! Muje maana na keh..teri **** mar dun ga..
H.p: haha maanay maanay
hp gets a thorough beating from imran, everyone participates in the ritual and in the end everyone decides, ufl is gonna be ours, coz we're the best team at uet...
REALITY: cannibals beat mechanical 06 (thats us) in a group match and fata beats us in the semis...ALLAH HU (kami's team) lifts the ufl trophy (prize money watever)
CLIMAX=ANTICLIMAX
..............................................................................
***UFL spring 2008 march08***
jaws: you know we're ranked fourth this time
m.h.a:yeah after fata, Allah hu, and exb
jaws: i dont think we're gonna win
maana: han yar, is dafa bari strong teams hain
bajwa: boys no tension, we're not going down this time
everyone heaves a collective sigh and a communal shake of the head signifies our skipper's (ali bajwa) perpetual over confidence.
Chussi: i'll be the star player
everyone: yeah right
h.p: yar we've to win this ufl yar.
Everyone looks at hp and then at eachother, and everyone understands wats to be done next, and hp gets a beating once again, and why? For stating the obvious!
M.h.a: i hope we qualify for the super trio stage
everyone: inshaAllah
REALITY: Nine xi (thats us, we were previously called mechanical 06 but changed the names for shashka) beats Allah hu (defending champions) 2-1 in the final of ufl ...the dream is realised
CLIMAX= the final whistle blows and the team rushes to the stands (there really was a small crowd), a celebration with cokes marks the victory and the team finally gets the winning prize.
Team Nine xi:
bajwa (c)
abdullah (gk)
jaws
maana
butt
h.p
azr
fahdi
rao
zubi
m.h.a
faizi
chussi
Everyone lives happily (inshaAllah), atleast till the next ufl, and in a grand celebration in gawal mandi 25 people have karahis, and there goes the winning prize and more money from our pockets.
To the team nine xi: LOVE YOU ALL LIKE ANYTHING, THESE TWO WEEKS HAVE BEEN TWO OF THE MOST HECTIC AND TIRING WEEKS OF OUR LIVES, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINING, BUT BHAYO, LIKE WE SAY "THIS EEZ A WAAR"...ATLEAST ONE BATTLE HAS BEEN WON!!!
P.S: we never made any profit.
P.P.S: we made it into record books, 8 of us came back from uet in a small ricksha, 6 in the back seat, ricksha wala the 9th one. Though this is not something i recommend any footballer who wants to remain fit. Believe me.
Jaws: we're gonna win for sure
Maana: obviously yar, we've beaten every team at uet, the reason we're organising this tournament is that we're sure we're gonna win, then the winning prize is gonna come to us along with all the profits the organising committee gets.
Bajwa: o yar fikar na kar. Baki sab farig players hain, we're gonna win yar, kami wagaira saray farig.
m.h.a: o bhai khuda k wastay inshaAllah keh do
everyone: inshaAllah inshaAllah
h.p: yar ye tournament zarur jeetna hai
m.h.a: o chawal itni dair se yahi keh rahay hain.but we're so over confident, haar na jain apne overconfidence ki waja se
jaws: this is not overconfidence, we know yar, thats the truth
maana: han jaws sai keh raha hai hassaan
m.h.a: nae maanay....
Maana: harami! Muje maana na keh..teri **** mar dun ga..
H.p: haha maanay maanay
hp gets a thorough beating from imran, everyone participates in the ritual and in the end everyone decides, ufl is gonna be ours, coz we're the best team at uet...
REALITY: cannibals beat mechanical 06 (thats us) in a group match and fata beats us in the semis...ALLAH HU (kami's team) lifts the ufl trophy (prize money watever)
CLIMAX=ANTICLIMAX
..............................................................................
***UFL spring 2008 march08***
jaws: you know we're ranked fourth this time
m.h.a:yeah after fata, Allah hu, and exb
jaws: i dont think we're gonna win
maana: han yar, is dafa bari strong teams hain
bajwa: boys no tension, we're not going down this time
everyone heaves a collective sigh and a communal shake of the head signifies our skipper's (ali bajwa) perpetual over confidence.
Chussi: i'll be the star player
everyone: yeah right
h.p: yar we've to win this ufl yar.
Everyone looks at hp and then at eachother, and everyone understands wats to be done next, and hp gets a beating once again, and why? For stating the obvious!
M.h.a: i hope we qualify for the super trio stage
everyone: inshaAllah
REALITY: Nine xi (thats us, we were previously called mechanical 06 but changed the names for shashka) beats Allah hu (defending champions) 2-1 in the final of ufl ...the dream is realised
CLIMAX= the final whistle blows and the team rushes to the stands (there really was a small crowd), a celebration with cokes marks the victory and the team finally gets the winning prize.
Team Nine xi:
bajwa (c)
abdullah (gk)
jaws
maana
butt
h.p
azr
fahdi
rao
zubi
m.h.a
faizi
chussi
Everyone lives happily (inshaAllah), atleast till the next ufl, and in a grand celebration in gawal mandi 25 people have karahis, and there goes the winning prize and more money from our pockets.
To the team nine xi: LOVE YOU ALL LIKE ANYTHING, THESE TWO WEEKS HAVE BEEN TWO OF THE MOST HECTIC AND TIRING WEEKS OF OUR LIVES, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY DRAINING, BUT BHAYO, LIKE WE SAY "THIS EEZ A WAAR"...ATLEAST ONE BATTLE HAS BEEN WON!!!
P.S: we never made any profit.
P.P.S: we made it into record books, 8 of us came back from uet in a small ricksha, 6 in the back seat, ricksha wala the 9th one. Though this is not something i recommend any footballer who wants to remain fit. Believe me.
06 March 2008
Untitled
Yesterday, i sat alone in my bed, thinking about the past 2 weeks. It occurred to me that somehow there is no such thing as a magnum opus for us. When you reach a particular moment in life that you've always been waiting for, or atleast have been waiting for a long time, you start questioning the worth of that moment. And that very second, your moment passes, and its present no more. You have nothing left with you. Nothing but a faint past. Not even the anxiety filled pleasure of waiting. You realise, what you thought of as a test, was actually your driving force. And its no more.
05 March 2008
A lesson learnt the hard way
Somebody said " I wish I was a child again, skinned knees are easier to mend than broken hearts "
Obviously the idiot never played football...atleast you dont have to take antitetanus for a broken heart!
Obviously the idiot never played football...atleast you dont have to take antitetanus for a broken heart!
04 March 2008
Rays of hope
Everyday, most of us begin our days planning out our day. We remind ourselves about our appointments, meetings, deadlines and other commitments. But no matter how stressed out or busy we are, there are thoughts that give us hope and that help lift us up and give us the courage to live out our days. These beautiful thoughts are the silver linings in life's mostly gray clouds.
Right now, i'm searching for one such thought that belongs to me. But there is none at the moment!
Right now, i'm searching for one such thought that belongs to me. But there is none at the moment!
From the U.E.T library, 11:09am
I've borrowed a friend's user ID and library card. I've set foot in the library after such a long time that I've almost forgotten the library ethics (Not that I was much ethical in this regard previously). Anyways, i really am not sure what do I want to write about. I'm not even sure if I CAN write anything. Its like a typicl bottle neck, I'm excited that I want to write, but there seem to be no words or phrases that I deem fit for writing. The reason is maybe that I've stayed away from myself for such a long time that its almost like I've forgotten how to talk to myself. Now when i think about the past four or five months, I'm horrified and surprised at the same time. Horrified because I never thought I'd desert myself like this, and surprised because I was able to survive without myself for such a long time!!!! I dont even know if I'm making any sense, because the world I've been in touch with lately is not the world of perpetuality, its infact a very tentative world. We speak stuff that sometimes doesnt even mean anything, but people dont object. They dont object because either they're not listening carefully, or they're intelligent enough to realize that they too make meaningless conversations! Whichever is the case, all of it vanishes into thin air, and even a person with an innerself as overpowering as mine doesnt pay much heed. But then, there comes a point that we grow sick and tired of this tentativeness. Its then, that we sit back, close our eyes and try talking to our ownselves.
But then the situation isn't that bad. I mean, I know that whatever I've written above has been a kind of short painstaking process, but still, I dont think if I was saying all this, anyone would have been expected to hear me out. So, things are really not bad. Maybe I can still redeem my ability to write. The excitement is still here, I just need to pull myself out of my small world (that has been shrinking lately :)) and make up with myself. Yes, I still dont know what I'm talking about but atleast I'm writing!!!!
But then the situation isn't that bad. I mean, I know that whatever I've written above has been a kind of short painstaking process, but still, I dont think if I was saying all this, anyone would have been expected to hear me out. So, things are really not bad. Maybe I can still redeem my ability to write. The excitement is still here, I just need to pull myself out of my small world (that has been shrinking lately :)) and make up with myself. Yes, I still dont know what I'm talking about but atleast I'm writing!!!!
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