Alphabet Iftaari

Ramazan is here and I am here too, to touch upon this very serious issue. Very very serious.

It's the first roza and we have been invited to X and Y’s place for their son’s birthday party cum iftar(S and T their sons, U the daughter). So far so good. I get ready and drive the car with my mom and dad clutching the edge of their seats and shouting at me to drive carefully. That happens daily so nothing new. Anyways, by pure instinct I get the car to the place (since X and Y shifted there only recently)

After the salam duas the men all get busy in their stuff women in theirs. By stuff I mean the normal lanter banter. By that I mean gup shup. So far so good. People arrive, and here I’d like to introduce my new characters which are the protagonists and antagonist and agonizingogists of the event.

A and B, their sons C and D, and daughter E

F and G, their sons H and J, and daughter K

Now copy this key onto another empty page so it's easy to refer to.

Ummmmm, I guess I should get to the climax straight away.

5 min to iftaar:

H: mamu 5 min reh gaey hain aa jain

Dad: acha

4 min to iftaar:

ABCDEFGHJK: skibiniksidlksdokaodsfkalsdaskd;l

3 min to iftaar:

Me: (texting texting)

2 min to iftaar:

Silence

1 min to iftaar:

Silence

IFTAAR:

Suddenly time comes to a halt. All life stops dead in it's tracks. There is nothing left! Nothing right! Only food!!!!! Perfect demonstration of the theory of relativity…one person, two hands, limitless possibilities. A huge plate in one hand the other darting towards various dishes like a poisonous snake, snap snap, and the plate was full……….there’s still no stopping at that, pakoras keep falling like men in world war II, bang bang…aaloo walay…bang bang bangan walay…bang bang khali walay!!! Then dahi bhallas, fruit chat all into one plate as I looked at the scene in amazement…this cant be true…

B: C beta jaldi ao apki plate hogai, an D aur E ko bhi bulao

And she fills the plates, two more…the same way, same slick movements, murder she wrote. Yes that’s right for all the other people watching all the yummy food being passed down in inheritance, this was equal to murder!! My dad held an empty plate in his hand as he too admired the swiftness of the assassin…

G: ye kya baat hui B, mere bachay to reh gaye

B: bhabi han g han g, ao J idhar ao tumari b plate bnaoon…U aap b ao jaldi…

And then as A-Z looked as B filled plate after plate of Ramazan goodies while otherts watched.

Obviously A and F were pretty satisfied their children were being fed.

Time goes in slow motion, and the plate sequence is on loop. My dad still stands with an empty plate, and he being the eldest there I kind of feet for him. All the other people, oh who am I kidding, most of the plunderers are only momentary onlookers….anyways all the astonished people are still watching dumbfounded when finally normality is restored.

G: beta J idhar ao plate le k khali hogai hai

Somewhere in the room

Anonymous: Hassaan apne kuch lia nai abi tak