Sometimes the things we do the least are the things we love the most.
I sit back in my room, watching tv, switching channels, watching one sitcom after another, laughing and smiling to myself. I dont think i ever thought i'd be at such ease with my own self. I always thought i couldn't live all alone, i'd be bored, i'd go crazy. But as it turns out, thats not so. Its been two weeks, and i think i've befriended myself. Or maybe i'm wrong.
I'm watching tv, smiling, not bored a bit and i just found out how many programmes i love. But there's something that keeps pinching me, i really don't know what. My mind is far away from peace, but i somehow know i've something to look forward to. I dont know what that is, but everyday i wake up, i try to look for a silver lining in every cloud i come across. And frankly speaking, i go through the day, thinking i'll go back to my room and i'll be to myself. And then its the same story all over again. I realise, i've started loving being alone, most of the time. Maybe thats because close friends aren't around, but i don't know for sure. Maybe i've really become like this. But can't really be. I miss them all. I miss each one of them. But whats contradictory is that i never talk to my friends these days! I dont call up anyone these days. Whenever i've to call someone, be it someone who i want to talk to the most, i just put it off to the next day. Maybe thats what drives me and not the thought of being alone. The thought of talking to someone i miss, maybe thats what gets me through each day i'm alone, yet i never call anyone up! Not even my parents.
I pick up my phone, and the maximum that i do is text people. Thats it. Otherwise its just my frequent visits to my blog and maybe my facebook profile (which is very futile in itself since i'm not really much active these days on fb). As cliche'd as it may sound, everything feels void. Like there's something missing. Something always missing. And the realisation becomes even greater as everything goes silent. Maybe the tv is my refuge from this feeling. Maybe my blog is too. Maybe these books i've brought and have failed to read. Maybe all of them are ways of avoiding my own self. Maybe i'm really not truly at easy with myself. Maybe, i am, and thats just the sign of a troubled mind.
7 comments:
o wow a lot troubled huh.
in the beginning i thought i loved being alone and by the end i am totally confused :S
correction "you loved being alone"
Yeah thats exactly what i meant yar..thats troubled, and thats confused too.
Also, even in the beginning, i said i've befriended myself, but maybe thats not so. Sometimes you just try to look for something positive out of everything and tell yourself that things are not the way they look or feel. I dont know if thats a good idea or a bad one.
zaraa comment to maaro? :p
you cud have phrased it better
btw where is this option to add a one line
as for the post. loneliness is scary. i wud get tired of just myself :P
as for ur being positive, how do u do it? sounds more like a bad idea, m not such a positive person afterall ehehe
Lol i couldn't think of anything else yar...something is better than nothing :P
waisay to add it, go to the settings menu and then the comments tab. There you'll get an option.
Acha how do you add those comments and bloggies wagaira to your profile? Like Mahrukh added the music player too. How do you do it?
thats simple. just click to 'customize' top right side of the page. then click on the 'add page element' on the middle right side. there you wud find options for everyhing like adding blogrolls etc
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