Sometimes you just want somethings so bad like you cannot really control your desires ... you cry like a baby you become extremely restless.Its like this strong craving that penetrates your soul and makes you lose your senses.I wonder if it carries the same intensity for everyone but in my case ,it really is the maximum.I feel i can sacrifice anything to fulfill my desire.Its like that yummy dripping dark chocolate simply irrisitible !
I wish i could really quote an example but right now thats all i want to write but i am sure i'll be able to explain it more ...maybe... when my innerself allows me
for now i just wish something satisfies my soul ...and ummm that time will come soon inshaAllah
07 April 2010
03 April 2010
anotherone
Good time for another one :p
well I’ve been doing a lot. But I don’t think I should mention all of that. Its like I began a completely new life. A really beautiful one. Other than that, I might quote some of my adventures from time to time.
And btw it feels really strange to be writing again, because for the past 6 7 months, the stuff I have written has been of completely different nature :p writing on my blog seems completely different. But I will settle down inshaAllah. Once I get back my blog friends that is :p.
One person I know who’d be reading this is mubi, not because she was a very loyal reader but because I’m going to bug her into reading this, and like a good girl she will (pardon the makhan :p). All the other people I might have to wait for but then Mr. Smacula has never dissppointed me, always been an excellent senior, a UETian helping another. There are other people too, but there’s no way I can remind them that I exist L these two I can catch thru that thing called facebook. But not to worry, I brought it all onto me myself.
So much has been going on in and around our beloved piece of land these days. And so much has not been happening. I say that because half the day, there is no electricity anyways. Like literally ofr 12 hours we are in the dark. Remember when we were kids we used to wonder about lands imn the arctic where it used to be a whole season of day and another of night?? Ab paish kartay hain new and improved, ek ghanta din aur ek raat. Like a zebra, black white black white, and surprisingly that’s the only thing we are more than consistent at, they don’t miss a chance to make us sweat. And rightly so, we’re the poor citizens and not people who go around the city in their 4x4s, looking at the common man in disgust. We are the disgusting common men. People who sweat and go dark and don’t have air conditioners that run on generators fueled by the government’s purse. I have a lot on my mind with regard to all that. And its gonna come out soon inshaAllah.
may a gya
Ahm ahm…its kinda awkward, slightly difficult and extremely embarrassing. Its like ummmmm…like a village guy who had a little bit of respect in his village, runs away from his home, his village and after some time, realizes that Damn! I need to go back. Not that the village needs the negligent chap, but for his own sake.
Now he’s in a predicament, a very awkward situation. He doesn’t know how he will be greeted. He could be welcomed with garlands, he could be. Or, he could be thrown stones at. But these two situations would only be considered if he ummmm is not forgotten. He could be ignored, all the people he had got to know would have certainly moved on and rightly so, he wasn’t much of a company either, not to regular not to committed in his commitments to them not too interested in his interests. So when he went away, not a lot of people exactly saw the butterfly effect, they didn’t feel it. But like I said, the village boy felt the gravity of what he had done, what he had missed and what he was missing. And he realized that because his life had become the most beautiful the most wholesome it had ever been. It had changed completely from the last time he saw his village. And he was made to realize by the person who changed his life that the village was an integral part of him.
He doesn’t know if there will be people who’d visit him when he’d go to the village, doesn’t even know if he’d ever get a place to live in. that doesn’t mean the people are cruel or mean or unwelcoming, but it’s a common observation and a deserved punishment for being negligent towards something you love so much.
But then, that’s life, when someone makes you realize something, some mistake, it makes you a better person, and it makes you even better if you go back on the mistake if you can and ask for the people involved to take you back if they can. Certainly the other villagers have been really nice people.
Maybe, its time I go back, irrespective of the treatment I’d receive.
To anyone who missed me, I’m sorry. To all the ones who didn’t, its good I don’t have to apologise to everyone :p…
But it feels awesome to be back to my blog. Been long.
And thankyou MAQ for making me realize.
Btw MAQ is the person who made my life the most beautiful a person could have.
True love brings you back from the deepest of dungeons.
27 August 2009
something i fell in love with
Recently, i.e. yesterday i came across this beautiful beautiful poem written about two years back by a very close friend of mine, a piece of writing that really humbled me, i dont know if that friend would like to be named but i wanted to share it with everyone, i fell in love with the poem the minute i read it...here it goes...
Wo teray rubaru aakay, mera sukoot mila
Mila woh khwaab ka tukra jo kho gaya tha kahin
Wo sab tasawwur main jo ho chuka tha kabhi
Wo sab, sach ki tarah la-mahdood mila.
Meray adraak k pannay pallat sakkay bhi nahin
Patanahi dil ko yakeen mila k na mila...
Magar yeh sach hai! koi saraab nahin
Ehsaas tau hai, keh haan koi hai milla"
Alphabet Iftaari
Ramazan is here and I am here too, to touch upon this very serious issue. Very very serious.
It's the first roza and we have been invited to X and Y’s place for their son’s birthday party cum iftar(S and T their sons, U the daughter). So far so good. I get ready and drive the car with my mom and dad clutching the edge of their seats and shouting at me to drive carefully. That happens daily so nothing new. Anyways, by pure instinct I get the car to the place (since X and Y shifted there only recently)
After the salam duas the men all get busy in their stuff women in theirs. By stuff I mean the normal lanter banter. By that I mean gup shup. So far so good. People arrive, and here I’d like to introduce my new characters which are the protagonists and antagonist and agonizingogists of the event.
A and B, their sons C and D, and daughter E
F and G, their sons H and J, and daughter K
Now copy this key onto another empty page so it's easy to refer to.
Ummmmm, I guess I should get to the climax straight away.
5 min to iftaar:
H: mamu 5 min reh gaey hain aa jain
Dad: acha
4 min to iftaar:
ABCDEFGHJK: skibiniksidlksdokaodsfkalsdaskd;l
3 min to iftaar:
Me: (texting texting)
2 min to iftaar:
Silence
1 min to iftaar:
Silence
IFTAAR:
Suddenly time comes to a halt. All life stops dead in it's tracks. There is nothing left! Nothing right! Only food!!!!! Perfect demonstration of the theory of relativity…one person, two hands, limitless possibilities. A huge plate in one hand the other darting towards various dishes like a poisonous snake, snap snap, and the plate was full……….there’s still no stopping at that, pakoras keep falling like men in world war II, bang bang…aaloo walay…bang bang bangan walay…bang bang khali walay!!! Then dahi bhallas, fruit chat all into one plate as I looked at the scene in amazement…this cant be true…
B: C beta jaldi ao apki plate hogai, an D aur E ko bhi bulao
And she fills the plates, two more…the same way, same slick movements, murder she wrote. Yes that’s right for all the other people watching all the yummy food being passed down in inheritance, this was equal to murder!! My dad held an empty plate in his hand as he too admired the swiftness of the assassin…
G: ye kya baat hui B, mere bachay to reh gaye
B: bhabi han g han g, ao J idhar ao tumari b plate bnaoon…U aap b ao jaldi…
And then as A-Z looked as B filled plate after plate of Ramazan goodies while otherts watched.
Obviously A and F were pretty satisfied their children were being fed.
Time goes in slow motion, and the plate sequence is on loop. My dad still stands with an empty plate, and he being the eldest there I kind of feet for him. All the other people, oh who am I kidding, most of the plunderers are only momentary onlookers….anyways all the astonished people are still watching dumbfounded when finally normality is restored.
G: beta J idhar ao plate le k khali hogai hai
Somewhere in the room
Anonymous: Hassaan apne kuch lia nai abi tak
26 August 2009
Forca Barca
Incase someone decides to visit my blog and think they’ve come to the wrong place well not really. Just a template change, I wanted to stick with the plain black one but then I came across this. Since the new season has just begun and we’ve already won a trophy, this is to celebrate that.
Forca Barca.
08 August 2009
the fall
The blade cuts deep into you and you stop feeling the pain that you are meant to feel. Blood paints yours clothes red, the red deepening into a black slowly but constantly. It trickles down the fibers of your clothes leaving a few droplets everywhere as a sign of a long gone calamity. The cut deepens and so does the color of the blood, your smile stays the same, there isn’t even a flinch from you. The expressions don’t change. You don’t bite your lip or clench your fist. Maybe you do feel the dampness of the blood soaked clothes but you choose to ignore. Your gaze fixed in mid air. For a moment, I think you are going to scream but your smile deepens into a more satisfied curve. Everything around you is soaked in the aroma of fresh flowing blood. But you don’t even smell that. The cut which is deep enough to carve out a valley of flesh continues to grow, the blade continues to work as the flow of blood increases to an incessant stream. I want to stop the blade, but the resolution on your face binds me within my own self.
Suddenly the stream of blood turns to a proper fountain. Then two. Everything around you including your face your hair is painted in deep red, time comes to a halt, the lively fountains shoot your blood everywhere, I am not spared. I know it's too late. Your blood red face still carries the smile, the blade takes this as a cue to drive deeper. The fountain is dwindling, it's throw decreasing to a stream again, then a trickle, like everything is going in reverse motion. Suddenly the blade stops moving there’s no more to cut.
You finally look down, not without an effort. Your wrist hangs only by a tendon, drying up. There’s no more blood left to flow. You always trusted the blade to stop? The smile vanishes, I cant make out your expression. In what seems like a moment, you fall on your side.
You fall into your own pool of blood.
There’s something in your eyes, but it cant be a tear.
Suddenly the stream of blood turns to a proper fountain. Then two. Everything around you including your face your hair is painted in deep red, time comes to a halt, the lively fountains shoot your blood everywhere, I am not spared. I know it's too late. Your blood red face still carries the smile, the blade takes this as a cue to drive deeper. The fountain is dwindling, it's throw decreasing to a stream again, then a trickle, like everything is going in reverse motion. Suddenly the blade stops moving there’s no more to cut.
You finally look down, not without an effort. Your wrist hangs only by a tendon, drying up. There’s no more blood left to flow. You always trusted the blade to stop? The smile vanishes, I cant make out your expression. In what seems like a moment, you fall on your side.
You fall into your own pool of blood.
There’s something in your eyes, but it cant be a tear.
04 August 2009
Whats the best way to drown your thoughts out?
I sat on my pc waiting for it to wake up from it's sleep. It's surprising I have so much on my mind these days I hardly get time to get proper thinking done! It's crazy. Like thought clashing a thought. Often I try to compartmentalize my mind for the purpose of giving my mind a break but I always fail to do that, probably because some thoughts refuse to go away or even give others a bit of space. I don’t complain, because I love them, but just to give it another try, I am trying to do it with the combination of music and blogging. Dunno if it's working
I always thought what it felt like to be high on happiness, not the crazy happiness that makes you scream, but ummmmm the crazy happiness that gets you imagining lovey dovey songs all the time with you in them, you hum half of the time tunes you never liked, smile at every freaking thing and then suddenly, like after being high for a very long time you suddenly go down, rock bottom. Pretty bad feeling and nothing happens really to bring the feeling about. And right then everything goes down with it, and all you can do is try to drown out your own thoughts the worst form of evasive action a human could take, but sometimes you really really have to, just to simplify your life. I was just wondering what’s the best way to avoid that pit after being high for such a long time. I guess there probably isn’t a way. I hope this post isn’t too non sensical, I just feel really good about my blog so I m posting it.
I always thought what it felt like to be high on happiness, not the crazy happiness that makes you scream, but ummmmm the crazy happiness that gets you imagining lovey dovey songs all the time with you in them, you hum half of the time tunes you never liked, smile at every freaking thing and then suddenly, like after being high for a very long time you suddenly go down, rock bottom. Pretty bad feeling and nothing happens really to bring the feeling about. And right then everything goes down with it, and all you can do is try to drown out your own thoughts the worst form of evasive action a human could take, but sometimes you really really have to, just to simplify your life. I was just wondering what’s the best way to avoid that pit after being high for such a long time. I guess there probably isn’t a way. I hope this post isn’t too non sensical, I just feel really good about my blog so I m posting it.
27 July 2009
.
When light begins to disappear,
when night begins to show,
set my withering heart on fire,
we'll walk in its fading glow.
when night begins to show,
set my withering heart on fire,
we'll walk in its fading glow.
13 July 2009
Rain rain
Rain rain,
lets play the game,
of hide and seek,
and stop and freeze,
from blue to brown,
to black with sounds,
the thundering wind,
and leaves that sing,
and sway with might,
left and right,
wait for you,
the green and blue,
unite the two,
and brew the brew,
of mango trees,
and clouds' fleece,
of little girls,
with waves and curls,
untying their hair,
to let the air,
fly them away,
where it may.
.
Rain rain,
lets play the game,
of storytelling,
of stellar dwellings,
of lands unseen,
of heavens green,
where you were born,
where every song,
is sweet as cane,
o rain o rain,
make us sane,
bring the change,
wet the tracks,
and mend the cracks,
bring us smiles,
and all this while,
stay right here,
and watch us cheer.
.
Rain rain,
dont play this game,
of going away,
leaving all grey,
and leaving alone,
like many have gone!
lets play the game,
of hide and seek,
and stop and freeze,
from blue to brown,
to black with sounds,
the thundering wind,
and leaves that sing,
and sway with might,
left and right,
wait for you,
the green and blue,
unite the two,
and brew the brew,
of mango trees,
and clouds' fleece,
of little girls,
with waves and curls,
untying their hair,
to let the air,
fly them away,
where it may.
.
Rain rain,
lets play the game,
of storytelling,
of stellar dwellings,
of lands unseen,
of heavens green,
where you were born,
where every song,
is sweet as cane,
o rain o rain,
make us sane,
bring the change,
wet the tracks,
and mend the cracks,
bring us smiles,
and all this while,
stay right here,
and watch us cheer.
.
Rain rain,
dont play this game,
of going away,
leaving all grey,
and leaving alone,
like many have gone!
12 July 2009
I'll be there
You can turn your back on me when you want to,
you can stab me in the back,
you can throw sticks and stones,
you can break all my bones,
you can leave standing all alone,
you can decide not to text nor phone,
you can tear each one of my poems,
you can prove each one of your blames,
shove in flames,
all the times,
all the memories,
that sing like sweet chimes,
you can bury me down below,
not 6 feet but 7 layers and more,
you can make me walk the plank,
or leave my canvas totally blank,
practise all you can on me,
the world is not for the carefree,
i cant let you go alone,
on this road full of pricks and thorns,
whatever you do and whatever you can,
remember you'll not make me an angry man,
you can try
to disappear,
to duck,
to hurt,
to ignore,
to refuse,
to confuse,
i don't care,
whatever happens,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!
you can stab me in the back,
you can throw sticks and stones,
you can break all my bones,
you can leave standing all alone,
you can decide not to text nor phone,
you can tear each one of my poems,
you can prove each one of your blames,
shove in flames,
all the times,
all the memories,
that sing like sweet chimes,
you can bury me down below,
not 6 feet but 7 layers and more,
you can make me walk the plank,
or leave my canvas totally blank,
practise all you can on me,
the world is not for the carefree,
i cant let you go alone,
on this road full of pricks and thorns,
whatever you do and whatever you can,
remember you'll not make me an angry man,
you can try
to disappear,
to duck,
to hurt,
to ignore,
to refuse,
to confuse,
i don't care,
whatever happens,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!
05 July 2009
A Revolution
Your ragged blue cheeks,
you filthy lowlife scum,
damnation your fate,
they pronounce you deaf and dumb.
Your bloodshot eyes,
you dream of the sacred,
they trample you underneath,
your love is their hatred.
Rise from your ashes,
rise to flesh and blood,
awaken your heart and soul,
rise from bloody mud.
The time has come,
to fly the flag of the COMMONS,
to rise against the oppressor,
wakeup your fate now summons.
Blood,
sweat,
tears,
you gave,
its time,
to have it all back,
yes there is a crack,
sharpen the saw,
its time to draw,
your map your land,
use your own bloody hand,
lowlife you were,
filthy yes SIR!
the oppressor shall bow,
to its own slave right now,
and your ragged blue cheeks,
and the clothes you wore,
are no more torn,
ragged no more!
you filthy lowlife scum,
damnation your fate,
they pronounce you deaf and dumb.
Your bloodshot eyes,
you dream of the sacred,
they trample you underneath,
your love is their hatred.
Rise from your ashes,
rise to flesh and blood,
awaken your heart and soul,
rise from bloody mud.
The time has come,
to fly the flag of the COMMONS,
to rise against the oppressor,
wakeup your fate now summons.
Blood,
sweat,
tears,
you gave,
its time,
to have it all back,
yes there is a crack,
sharpen the saw,
its time to draw,
your map your land,
use your own bloody hand,
lowlife you were,
filthy yes SIR!
the oppressor shall bow,
to its own slave right now,
and your ragged blue cheeks,
and the clothes you wore,
are no more torn,
ragged no more!
02 July 2009
Our colors
Grey and blue,
thats the hue,
of bloody leaves,
and sorrow's dew,
of soot and smoke,
of ties that broke,
cough and choke,
the dreams we drew,
of bodies that fall,
hearts they maul,
of death's toll,
the soulless crew.
grey and blue,
yes thats the hue!
thats the hue,
of bloody leaves,
and sorrow's dew,
of soot and smoke,
of ties that broke,
cough and choke,
the dreams we drew,
of bodies that fall,
hearts they maul,
of death's toll,
the soulless crew.
grey and blue,
yes thats the hue!
29 June 2009
Heart and mind
Heart: i wanna write a post
mind: haha, watch brazil vs usa instead
heart: ummm okay, can't i do it while watching?
Heart (again): you stupid idiot! Its football. You dont stuff while watching football.
Mind: quiet!
Heart: so the match is over, now?
Mind: sometime in this life try giving me a break!
Heart: oh yeah you give me a break!
Mind: from wat?
Heart: from watever
mind: haha okay lets write a post
heart: thats more like it, about wat?
Mind: how'd i know?
Heart: how'd i know?
Mind: how'd i know?
Heart: how'd i know?
Mind: then forget it, it was your idea
heart: okay lets write our dialogue down
mind: the fingers are already doin that...oh wait haven't they messed up our dialogues?
Heart: genius its your fault, your job is to remember stuff
mind: oh yeah? Do you ever let me be free? You always have a new PROJECT coming up to keep me busy
heart: haha projects
mind: cant even think of a better word
heart: haha bloody wannabe thesauras
mind: technically you are bloodier! :)
heart: and since when have i been technical?
Mind: haha, our dialogues aren't THAT mixed up! Haha
mind: haha, watch brazil vs usa instead
heart: ummm okay, can't i do it while watching?
Heart (again): you stupid idiot! Its football. You dont stuff while watching football.
Mind: quiet!
Heart: so the match is over, now?
Mind: sometime in this life try giving me a break!
Heart: oh yeah you give me a break!
Mind: from wat?
Heart: from watever
mind: haha okay lets write a post
heart: thats more like it, about wat?
Mind: how'd i know?
Heart: how'd i know?
Mind: how'd i know?
Heart: how'd i know?
Mind: then forget it, it was your idea
heart: okay lets write our dialogue down
mind: the fingers are already doin that...oh wait haven't they messed up our dialogues?
Heart: genius its your fault, your job is to remember stuff
mind: oh yeah? Do you ever let me be free? You always have a new PROJECT coming up to keep me busy
heart: haha projects
mind: cant even think of a better word
heart: haha bloody wannabe thesauras
mind: technically you are bloodier! :)
heart: and since when have i been technical?
Mind: haha, our dialogues aren't THAT mixed up! Haha
20 June 2009
...
When the wind stops blowing, all you can hear is your own heart. Sometimes it whispers, i remember mine used to. It used to talk.
Now, for some odd reason, whenever the wind stops blowing, i can't even feel if my heart is there. Either it has given in to my mind or i'm always so preoccupied that i let it go unnoticed.
Wait, i think i'll make a conscious effort to get the whisper back.
But, i cant pray for the wind to stop blowing right now, can i???
Now, for some odd reason, whenever the wind stops blowing, i can't even feel if my heart is there. Either it has given in to my mind or i'm always so preoccupied that i let it go unnoticed.
Wait, i think i'll make a conscious effort to get the whisper back.
But, i cant pray for the wind to stop blowing right now, can i???
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)