Yaadain!

Kitni jaldi hoti hai na zindagi ko,
agay barhnay ki, qadam barhanay ki,
larkharati bhi nae, rukti bhi nae,
koi sathi gir jaey to puchti bhi nahi,
kitni tezi se guzarta hai ye waqt na?
Aj hum yahan, kal...kal bhi to a hi gaya!!

Abi to tum mere pas thay,
tumhara hath mere kandhay par,
qadm mere qadmon ke sath,
ye achanak kidhar gaey ho?
Kya tum nay ek baar bhi na murr ker daikha?
Wo yadain, wo baatain,
sub bhool gaey?
Dekha! Zindagi lay gai na tumhain,
torr gai na waaday,
chhor gai na sapnay.

Bas dhundli si roshni hai,
dhundli si rahguzar,
par yadain bohat roshan,
suraj ki tarah,
inhi ki tapish say to zinda hun,
k ye yadain hain us waqt ki,
jab main main tha,
tum tum thay,
ab kya hai?
Tum kahan ho may kahan hun?
Ek ajeeb sa rishta hai,
iss samandar k hotay huay bhi,
ek ajeeb si dori hai,
jo mujh ko tum se joray hai,
ye yadain hain humari,
anmit, anginat.

Bas!
Mujhe pta hai,
tum bhoolay nahin mujhko abhi,
thora to waqt lagta hai,
subah ko dhalnay may,
andhaira honay may,
tab tak,
yahi yadain apne pass rakhna,
ke yahi humara rishta hain,
phir jab bhulne lago,
mujhko aur in yaadon ko,
uss waqt ko,
to ek cheez yad rakhna,
iss dunya may kuch log hain,
jo agay barhtay nahin hain,
chaltay nahin hain,
bhultay nahin hain,
aur yad rakhna k muje bhi,
agay barhna nahin ata, bhulna nahin ata,
ke tumhari yadain hain,
anmit, anmol.
--------------------

i found this in a notebook i used to write stuff in, actually i still do sometimes when i feel like using a pen. Now that i read this, i dont think i like it at all, except for the last stanza or part or watever its called. And i like the last part because i think its true for me. And by the way, there was no date on this, but i think its not older than 2 years at max.

Insensitivities

Strange day really. I've been feeling lethargic and weak all day. I dont know why that is. All that was aggravated with the discussion on religious people i had to hear most of the day. People here are learned, not enlightened. Literate, not educated. I think everyone has the right to their own opinions, but sometimes things get out of hand. Opinions are meant to remain opinions and not accusations. All day today, the new pathan internee and ustad nawaz kept bullshitting madrassas, and alims of everyone who had something to do with tableegh or jihad. Fine they might not believe what the people are doing is correct, but dissing and making hideous accusations without knowing the realities is kind of what pains me, and what pained me all day. There's a way of criticizing. And people who're in politics open themselves to it all, but why bring totally religious leaders into it? I didn't even want to argue, because once i tried to, but they failed to try to understand. I'm not saying they're wrong because they've views different to mine, but on logical, humanitarian, patriotic and ethical grounds, they were going the wrong way. An example:

mechanic: "baray uchhal rahay thay ye log. Musharaf sahab nay danda dia to chup kr gaey"
pathan internee: "hahaha"

its ironic, the operation being carried out in peshawar is not far away from that internees home. And still, he's laughing it off. I wonder how the crimson of blood fails to paint their hearts in the realisation that we are cutting off our own arms, killing our own people to please others. Its not even our own decision, then why are we looking for excuses for it, i fail to comprehend. I dont want to. For this, and a million other reasons, i wish people here a little more enlightened, even if they'd be a little lesser learned, technically or anything. i wish they were a little more sensitive. There's so much more that hurts.

Funny line of the year!

Mahru: mera computer urr gya

Hassaan: you mean your computer flew out of the window?

Mahru: no, the windows flew out of my computer.


This actually happened! One of the best things Mahrukh Osmany ever said!

Not again

I'm the laziest most procrastinating person in the whole world. My mom and my alarm woke me up at 5 20 am for fajr.i talked to mom on the phone and said i'm up. Then i thought i'll go for wazu in 5 minutes time, surely that wont hurt. But it did. I dont know, i think i fell asleep again, and what seemed the very next moment, i woke up checked time, it was 6 25 a.m. I'm so pissed off at myself. I felt like banging my hand and crying for my helplessness. Its so frustrating i cant even control my sleep. Its just one of the most frustrating things in the world! I've been missing prayers for the last three mornings. But i've had enough. This is just so stupid, so horrendously idiotic.

What i saw

Just got back to my room from the whole sukkur trip. What a whirlwind day has it been.
The journey to sukkur was scenic to say the least. I never expected sindh to be this green and scenic. I always expected it to be a barren wasteland thats inhabited by nomads mostly. I think i was devastatingly wrong.
The whole journey was marked with beautiful things, most of which i was seeing for the first time. The first things i saw when we got out of daharki were gardens of date palms. They were tall, very tall and lots of them. And it was a sight worth seeing. I'm regretting not taking pictures. Then there were beautiful beautiful limestone ridges short of pannu akel.they were big, and white, like snow (obviously one'd know snow is not possible in 55 degrees celsius!).
All along the way, there were rice fields where women were busy sowing rice seeds. This wasn't an unfamiliar sight but still it was kind of beautiful, with people busy in their work in the middle of inundated fields. And then we reached sukkur.
Sukkur is one beautiful city if you ask me. It has history written all over it. Its a pity that the whole city was closed because of a strike (a man was robbed and killed yesterday all the businessmen called a strike, there were burnt tyres and broken windshield glasses of innocent looking "bystanding" vehicles). But still, i think i didn't miss the best thing in Sukkur. It was the metal bridge, i dont know what its called,i was overcome by its beauty. For some reason, giant structures seem beautiful to me. It was a huge huge bridge, over a river branch, which could be called a canal though i couldn't understand exactly what it was. The bridge was made of iron, a huge caricature of metal, with metal intertwined into a complex structure that gave the impression of giant knitwork. Obviously all that was for the strength of the bridge rather than beauty, but it looked awesome, like the london bridge, just inverse of that, or a sine wave in modulus. It was constructed by ayub khan. Following it was another bridge, smaller but similar. I was fascinated.
Anyways we decided we had to move on, as the city was closed, we'd be going to Koonj, to the new drilling site, where an exploration well is being drilled. We arrived there in a little time. I really wanted to see the rig doing its job and i wasn't disappointed.
A uet engineer, showed me around, and i was overawed by the rig. I love big powerful machines, and it was big, tall and powerful. And a very complex machine too, rather an assembly of machines. I loved it. And the idea that it was already 1293 metres below the surface made me like and respect it even more.
After the tour at the rig, we had a sumptuous lunch at the site. Inside containers. One thing i forgot to mention, they live eat and work in large modified containers. But dont let the outside fool you, the facilities are better than many in large cities. Anyways the food was good, awesome, we got into the car, accompanied by a police car (this area is very famous for car jackers and criminals, and the rig people were telling us never to come alone like we did today). Our passenger count had increased from 4 to 5, because some guy from the rig had to come back to daharki. Anyways, we had tea at a chhapar hotel on our way back, and made our way back. By that time, i really wanted to go back to my room!

P.S.: my companions were constantly talking in sindhi on both sides of the journey. I'm still irritated. I mean its general manners not to do that.
P.P.S.: i was sleeping most of the time on the way back
P.P.P.S: i've so much more to tell, but that can wait

Beginning of a day.

"Shit!" i looked at my cell phone. It was 8:07 am, and i missed my fajr prayers and i was late for office. One whole hour late. Other than the digital clock of my phone, i saw 5 missed calls. Obviously from mama papa, they were waking me up at fajr and then later for office. I was wondering how the hell did i miss 5 calls without knowing, but i was wrong i think. I checked my recieved calls and apparently i did recieve a call from mama at 5:00 am. But i really didn't remember. I still dont!
Anyways i had no time for luxuries such as a bath, so i just brushed my teeth, put on a pair of jeans, my safety shoes, didn't even bother to change the shirt i slept in, skipped the breakfast, left my room as dirty as it was, and started walking briskly towards the offices. I never knew my stay at the office today would be just about half an hour long!
After greeting everyone at the workshop, i went inside the office to meet Faisal Sahab (my boss) and ustad Kareem Buksh.
"sir aj to wakaey kuch nae krnay ko" is said after settling down on a seat.
"kyun karim buksh pk2 pe kaam nae ho raha?" Sir Faisal asked ustad karim buksh.
"sir ho raha hai"
"to hassaan uspe chalay jao"
"sir uske parts to aj machinist k pass janay hain" i said, with an air of achievement i dont know why.
"oh! Chalo wo machinist k pass sukkur janay hain tum wahan chalay jao" decided sir Faisal.
Instantly, i was apprehensive, i didn't even have breakfast in the morning and i wasn't feeling too good.
"sir wapsi kb hogi?" i inquired
"yahi koi rat k 1 2 baje" ustad karim buksh said smiling.
"nae nae you'll be back by 8 inshaAllah" sir Faisal said.
"sir i haven't had breakfast even, khana milay ga na?"
"haha wo to khudi khana b paray ga aur khilana b paray ga" sir Faisal seemed amused with the whole proposition.
"sir who's going waisay? "
"ustad sikandar" he said
now ustaad sikandar is the senior mechanic i've been with all the last week, so maybe it was a consolation. But on the other hand, i was still apprehensive, coz i know ustaad and his habits.
Anyways i got out of the office to look for ustaad and found him sitting shotgun in a hilux, with two other people, i rapped on the window and told him i want to go too. He seemed happy, so after informing ustad karim buksh i really was going, we set out on our journey. This journey was going to dispell many of my misconceptions about sindh and confirm still many more. Anyways, right now i'm sukkur bound, and we've just crossed panu akel. I was listening too ruhe 2 by schiller. There's one very stupid problem, my 3 companions only speak sindhi when talking amongst themselves, they speak urdu only when they address me. So, i've been listening to them all the time, all the way, without understanding what they're talking about. I swear its very very IRRITATING!

Hues of war

I've just had dinner and i'm watchin tv in the management club lounge, waiting for all the other internees to finish their dinner. Earphones plugged in my ears i'm listening to A Brave New World by Iron Maiden. I dont know lately i've skipped this song whenever i came across it in my playlist. But today i've decided to listen to it.
The uncle sitting beside me has switched to geo. I can't hear anything obviously, but i can clearly see the blue white orange of geo that has become a warning signal in the recent times. The scrolling headlines are confirming my belief. They're telling me that it was very wise of me to avoid it in the past few days. Why?
"Pakistan starts army operation in northern Areas"
"Richard Boucher arrives in pakistan"
"We've to see if this operation is in the favour of pakistan's interests or not."
"All coalition partners were taken into confidence before starting this operation"
"America would be happy with this operation"
"The US was never in the favour of a deal with taliban"
"We will use force to deal with them-Musharaf"

if this isn't heart-wrenching, demoralising enough, a huge headline appears, covering approximately half of the screen, accompanying it is a video feed of our satisfied looking prime minister
"PM Gillani attending a dinner hosted by a famous industrialist in Karachi"

i look at the tv for the last time. Normally, i'm not one to escape into the realms of ignorance, but this moment i curse television and the moment i decided to turn it on the news channel. I want to cry, not just as an expression of sympathy, but also as an expression of anger, of helplessness...but crying isn't even of any use anymore. We've kept so many tears inside, we've tried to ignore so much, to absorb so much without paying any heed to it that tears seem pointless. Totally pointless.
I just want to close my eyes, to imagine myself in a world where the blue white orange won't haunt me! Where my rulers dont dine over the bodies of my brethren!

My dream

I've a really strange habit. When i watch football, for some reason i imagine myself playing. I always imagine that the players i'm watching on screen is me. I imagine myself in moments of triumph, in moments of crisis. I imagine myself scoring a goal and celebrating infront of the fans, jumping up and down. I imagine picking myself up after a goal is scored against us, making a comeback, defying all the odds. But most of all i imagine myself standing, my hand on my heart, listening to my national anthem. Singing it, making sure the world knows what all this means to me. There's probably no feeling better than this. Even watching it on tv lifts me up.
The reason i do and feel all this, because this is my dream. I hope i'll be able to follow my dream someday. I really do. It really means a lot!

Zindagi aisay na beetay

Chupke se, khamoshi se,
khizaan ki dupeher ki tarah,
jo shehron ko veeraan kar day,
dil ko ujaarr day,
usi shaam ki tarah,
jis ki tez hava har ek ko urra le jaey,
har dil ko, har rooh ko,
jo chheen le tujh se,
har khushi, har sukh,
usi muqadar k toofan ki tarah,
jis may beh jaey tu bhi,
beh jaon may bhi,
toot jain khwab tere bhi,
toot jain mere bhi.

K zindagi na beet jaey,
isi raat k sehraa ki tarah,
nahin zindagi jis may,
bas daikh aye dost!
zindagi na beet jaey,
chupke se, khamoshi se,
kuch bol,
kuch apne liay, kuch meray liay,
k dunya k gham hain bohat,
chupke se na beetay gi ye zindagi,
gar to chahay bhi,
siskian hongi, cheekhain hongi,
teri bhi, meri bhi.

To sun mere dost!
in siskion ka, khamoshi ka,
na ker tu intezar,
na ker intezar,
dupehar ka, sham ka, raat ka,
k toofaan intezar se nahin ata,
torr day apni majburion ko,
chhor day dunya ki fikar,
k gham to hain unmitt,
aur humne to mitt jana hai,
chhor day udasi,
chhor day khamoshi,
ek baat kahun agar mano tum?
Bas chhor day ab sochna!

Some of our catchphrases

Best of luck.
Hp:"may kal uni ja raha hun,chalna hai?"
mana:"haha, best of luck"

Chal YES ho.
Hp:"yar muje credit datlwa day"
mha:"chal YES ho"

Yes karao.
Chuss: "yes na karao"

Zaraa panch minute socho tumne kya baat ki hai.
mana:"yar tunay kabi naak may ungli daal k muun may dali hai?"
hp:"yar tu zaraa panch minute soch baat kya kii hai"

Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey.
Mha:"Oye yar wapas chal i forgot my football shoes at home"
hp:"Ye to wohi baat ho gai k banda apni birthday pe na jaey"

Studies kaisi ja rai hain?
Chuss: "tu naraz hai?"
mana: "aur suna studies kaisi ja rai hain?"

Guard on!
Mana: "tje pta hai mera dost hai ek..."
jaws: "ek minute guard on krlo, now we're safe from all phainkiis"

I'm still thinking of more...there were so many

Faiz (with translation)

"Mata-e-lauh-o-qalam chhin gai to kya ghum,
ke khoon-e-dil may dabo li hain unglian maine,
zubaan pe mohar lagi hai to kya ke rakh di hai,
har ek halqa-e-zanjeer may zubaan maine"

--- Faiz Ahmad Faiz

They've taken my pen, my ink but why worry?
For i've dipped my fingers in the blood of my heart,
So wat if my tongue is tied and i cant scream?
I've given every link of my shackles the courage to speak!

Prayers

Yesterday was my first day at the Auto workshop at mari gas. It went pretty good, i learnt new things about the engine, especially, tractor engines. But this wasn't the most important thing i learnt.
First of all, it would be appropriate to get a picture of the people who work there. Obviously there's an ustaad and his helpers. The "head" ustaad is on a leave apparently, so i'm attached to ustaad sikander. How we talked for the first time and his reluctancy to train guys from Lahore is a separate story.
Now we talked all day, sometimes about engines, sometimes about general stuff. I learnt a lot from them. Not everything was good, but then thats a part of the package. But the most important thing was actually wat ustaad sikandar said.
An old man came inside the workshop. He talked in sindhi and he wanted to work at the company for 3 4 days as a daily wager so he could save up money to go back to his city. Ustaad told him to contact the Sahab, and he went away. It was surprising to hear that despite his age and his lean stature, the old man claimed he could lift 60kg easily! Talk about power. Anyways when he went away ustaad turned to me.
"always respect the poor people. You know, one day when you get a job, and you become a BARA ADMI, never forget the poor people. Even if you give them nothing, give the all the respect you can. Stop in the middle of the road to meet them, greet them, shake their hands and hug them. You cant imagine how blessed this would be for you and you'll get free prayers. On the other hand, snubbing them would be pathetic. And then you'll be cursed for free obviously" i thought about it. I knew all this already i thought.
We talked about the heat in daharki and i said its so hot that its difficult to live here. Ustaad had something to say about it
"why do you feel the heat. You and i stay in the airconditioner and cooler and under fans atleast all the time. Think of the people who dont even have fans, who dont even have a simple shelter to hide them from the cruel sun. And you know they pray more than we do. They really love God. And they thank Him for whatever he's given them. You and I can never know what they feel and how patient they are."
i was regretting my hurried thanklessness. But ustaad sikander had still to tell me one of the strangest truths.
"You know, these people pray for the wind to blow and rain to come so that they can get some relief from the extreme heat. They realise, Allah brings their only relief. Its the prayers of these people that Allah answers and showers rain on a desert. Its these people who pray with their utmost earnest. Because only they can feel the real need for rain, and for wind. Not you and I"
i thought about it for a second. And i was touched.

I turned off my ac because it was starting to get freezing cold. I thought i'd been inside my room the whole day, and the weather seemed so normal today. I hoped the weather would remain the same in daharki. I soon realized it was time for dinner (i've to walk down to the members' club for meals). I got out of my room and out of the BOQ building. I realised how wrong i had been. It was boiling hot. The breeze was so hot it felt like coming out of an oven. It was then i realised how short sighted we always are and how we fail to notice the reality. I immediately thought about what ustaad sikandar had said.
I imagined a kid lying in bed, his mother telling him to go to sleep, but its too hot. The mother tells him to take a bath, but even the water is boiling hot. I imagined him praying for a cooler weather. For wind. For rain. I imagined the pain of all such children and women and men. I took a deep breath. Stopped walking, and in my heart, i prayed earnestly. I prayed for these people who were being tested. I prayed for relief.
I prayed for rain.

I'm lovin' it

Mobile technology has developed so fast. I'm loving it!

Sent from my phone using trutap

Day 1: Bahawalpur

Though i think i should've written it yesterday night, instead of writing it in the bus to sadiqabad, i should just be thankful that a blessing such as gprs is still working. My greatest fear came to life when i got off the bus at the daewoo stop at bahawalpur, checked my internet and found out that opera wasn't working. I thought i was doomed. But soon javed uncle came to pick me up and i got home and found out that it did work there and the reason it didn't was something unknown.
I realised yesterday that i really needed this long break from my life, no matter how hard this might be, i know one thing for sure, this is one point of my life when i've learnt to appreciate the smallest things in life, and this is the best time to visit places i haven't seen before and where people dont normally go vacationing!
Anyways, i got a Vip welcome, had good food, took a nap, woke up and decided it was time to have a good look around the city. My cousin ammad readily agreed and we set off on his bike.
I was visiting this city for the first time and i wasn't really disappointed, while bahawalpur is nothing like Lahore, its not bad either. Infact, just because its not as developed or brightly lit doesn't mean it doesn't have its own charms. I was telling mahrukh that this city feels like an oasis in cholistan, as everything around the city speaks of its origins and roots of sand. There's this big road near which my phuppo lives and it seems to go on forever, i.e. Till the city ends.
Sadiq public school was the first thing i noted. I had heard a lot, and the campus was big and fascinating. Really big. The advantage of making institutions ho such cities is the extent of space available! Anyhow, i wanted to see Ammad's college too, and i found this out too that quaid e Azam medical college is one big college. Bigger than K.E and AIMC. But there was something disappointing, its walls were littered with slogans of different political unions. Even the hostel walls. This was something i wish could be eliminated. I'm not against student unions, but here, they're mercilessly corrupted and manipulated, and we dont deserve them right now until we mend our ways.
I wanted to see islamia university too but the main campus known as the baghdad campus is right ho the middle of the desert, outside the city. Somehow visiting different institutions gives me happiness, firstly it tells me that yes there are still places in pakistan where people who are really ALIVE still live and spend their lives. Secondly, it gives me a lot of pride to feel that i'm representing my institution my u.e.t at some other one, although not officially!
We had plum juice, icecream and then burgers from this joint called zanzibar, all the time trying not to compare it with anything in Lahore, because...you just cant, Lahore Lahore hai!
All the while i tried not to think about today, that is the 19th. I have tried to covert all my nervousness to excitement, and i really want to have a good time there. But it so happens that when something is really anticipated, when the real moment arrives you end up having some disappointments. Though i tried to keep the level of my hopes down, but its me, so i think i realise i'll be disappointed in a few areas, or many areas even.
After long chats with guddi phuppo and uncle and ammad, and their insistence on me visiting them once again during my internship, i left the city happily. I'm just given lays and cafe by the daewoo hostess and i'm thanking God i had paratha this morning or i'd be starved!
By the way, i still dont know if warid works ho Daharki!

This moment he could feel life on his fingers, he could smell it, he could hear it, he could taste its sweetness, he could see the light, most importantly, he could feel life waking up in his heart. Just as a ten year old is roused from his sleep and gains consciousness. That moment was his, and every moment since that moment, he thought, belonged to him. Its funny, at such times, people wonder if anything in the world could dampen their spirits or bring them down. They forget that in every moment before this current moment, they couldn't think of light. They wouldn't think of it even if they could. Because sorrow is so indulging, so completely swallowing the very man she lives on. Yet, one sparkle of light washes away universes of darkness. Light banishes darkness, or so it seems to the person it protects. He felt the same.
Every part of his body wanted to sing, to dance, to break free from the clutches of worldly limitations. But he sat still, savouring the moment, savouring the sweet taste of freedom. He wondered why was this moment different from all others. He knew the answer. In every preceding moment, he didn't belong to himself. Unconsciously, he had sold his soul to someone who unknowingly had bought him, his soul, his body, his mind and heart. Yet that someone was as far from him as land is from the skies. He wasn't free. Memories, hopes, fears bound him. Love bound him. Its chains stung him like barbed wires, yet he was numb to the pain, thinking the pain was worth it. He knew not, that it was never worth it. He thought that all the drops of blood that left his tiny wounds and all the tears that his eyes shed were nurturing his love. . But he knew not. That love never binds. It sets you free. Love doesn't only give you hope, it is the stuff dreams are made of. Love takes away your fears, doesn't leave them to you or you to them. Love doesn't leave memories. Love, when it happens, is always there, always the present, always happening, always around you. Your heart, mind and soul become one with love and there is no space for memories. Memories are but a fickle phenomenon, they can never take the place of what true love is at all times. They are hallucinations. And today, he was free. This moment, all memories, all fears, all hopes and things he used to called love, everything that hurt him, that bound him, all clutches all ropes all chains, everything was broken, banished. He knew, he'd got his soul back. He knew he was himself again. He was his own again. And once again, he could feel life on his fingers, he could smell it...