Lives and life.

In waiting

2011-09-11T18:13:00.001+05:00

I had an excellent time photographing the skies from my roof yesterday. Felt extremely relaxed after it. This was something I found waiting patiently on the old rusted fence. It never moved.

Colours

2011-08-30T10:17:00.002+05:00

I feel I am divided into two persons, one who loves vintage and monochrome to the point that he thinks and sees everything in it, and secondly a person who is a sucker for colour.I wonder what allows both to co exist and that too at the same point in time.

The greatest gift

2011-08-09T23:15:00.002+05:00

Humans have often questioned the existence of God Almighty, and the trend has increased in the recent times. One of the reasons they give is that since humans cannot understand God, since science cannot understand God, He is not there. But this argument contains in itself a basic flaw and we will understand that in a very small period of time.

In Islam, the concept of God is most unique, and it indeed answers all the questions of human mind. But for it we need to things; faith and logic. Yes they are both mutually dependant on eachother. We will be understanding this as well.

If we look closely at the 99 names of Allah (s.w.t), we understand that they define certain qualities of Him. Looking even more closely a question is asked, how can one person be som many things, many of which oppose each other at the same time? This question has troubled many of us, and the answer is simple. God, is no person. What differentiates God from his creation is to have many traits that might appear opposite to eachother, without causing a contradiction. To make the argument simple it does cause a contradiction in the human mind, but how will that not qualify for a contradiction? Let us see.

As it is, the human mind bases its conclusions upon logic. So we try to analyse him with pure logic. And yes, we start gaining understanding, but then suddenly, we come to a stop, and from there logic cannot proceed further. For example “Al Hayyu” and “Al Qayyum” tell us that Allah is infinite. But the logical mind starts questioning, how can someone exist without being created and without having to die.

The reason for this question is very simple. This is the very point that human mind reaches its limit. To prove this, let’s try to imagine the phenomenon of infinity. Imagine, for example the universe is infinite. The mind automatically questions, how big is infinity? Is it a trillion billion million miles? And what lies beyond it? Immediately you start counting. No matter how hard you try you just cannot picture something infinite, although the concept of infinity does exist around us. Erect two mirrors face to face and they will project infinite number of images, but no computer no camera no human can ever capture the true infinity in them. So if we fail to understand such simple infinite things, its no wonder we cannot comprehend God’s infinity!

And there we reach the point where we can say that God has to be incomprehensible, in this world with this limited mental strength humans possess. And this is where faith steps in. But faith too is based on some things. Things which are very subtle but still there to be see and by everyone. If God appeared to us in embodiment, there would have been no point in believing, because then everyone would see it all right there. Then where would there be a test? God chose to leave clues leading to him in the world around us, in the skies, mountains, oceans, flowers, in us! He subtly left huge miracles for us to decipher and to use to identify God. And the biggest miracle was knowledge. God knew that the generations after Muhammad (p.b.u.h) would be more thirst for knowledge than anyone else, and He knew they would see the miracle of knowledge. And the finest specimen there exists, is the Quran, the word of God. Its sad how many people take for granted that the book given to them is the biggest miracle of God and in fact the greatest gift He ever gave. And God gave us many gifts. But the sole reason for those gifts is not to sit back and enjoy them, but to use them to discover God, to know Him much better, to love Him like He deserves to be loved. And in the process, you witness things that you would never have, to see what no one does, to transcend boundaries of logic, to base your faith on these subtle hints he set there for you. Some people through science aim to prove the absence of a supreme being but in my understanding, and from what is obvious, they prove the contrary every time. But that is a separate argument for another time.

One final question arises, will we ever understand God. The answer, is yes, if we prove we deserve it then God has the biggest gift in store for us. And He doesn’t call eternal life or heaven or health as the eternal gift, the eternal gift is an answer! Knowledge. How beautiful is this now? The thing that transcends every other gift or blessing God ever granted to mankind from Adam to the last man on earth:

Meaning of a hadith: at the end of the day of judgement, Allah will speak to the people in the heaven and say “I have the greatest gift for you”, the people in the heaven would exclaim “But we already have everything, we have an eternal life, a home in paradise, we have it all”, and then Allah would reveal himself from behind the veil, and all those people would bow down and remain there for thousands of years, unable to grasp the awe of the Almighty.

And there, the greatest gift. The answer. God himself.

The trees are talking

2011-08-05T12:45:00.000+05:00

It is said that black and white photography captures the real soul of
the subjects. At least I know that is true about trees.

The first change

2011-06-13T02:01:00.001+05:00

One question that has always troubled me is "If I change for better, how big an impact will it have on the rest of the world?"

The answer has usually been dismal. Until now.

I aimlessly pondered over this question again that day when suddenly I stumbled upon a simple clue I missed. Or maybe I never understood it before.

HASSAAN AKRAM the person isn't just a person. He has a world in himself. Just like 6 billion or so other worlds. Worlds of perception. Or infact worlds generated by perceptions. The world inside me has a country has a society has multiple ethnicities just as the world outside. The only difference is that in my world, I see things just the way I want to. While in the real world things happen according to some other pattern.

But astonishingly, the situation is almost the same in both worlds. In my own world I make sure I don't have to go through any pains and for that I use money, influence and all that Jazz. I only want my loved ones to develop and I make sure my enemies are hindered. I miss no chance of dreaming a dream and perceiving a world that has me as the centre of it all. And I succeed.

I am one of 170 million worlds of this country. In fact, we all link up to form a cluster called Pakistan, our Home our society. Imagine 170 million small world's with as many centres, imagine the singleness of purpose, to live selfish dishonest lives, to lie to God and ourselves, and the world, the real world, becomes that. We curse the real world but fail to crush our own.

Let me think. If I detach myself, think a bit, change a lot and change for the better, now what will happen?

My place in the cluster will be filled with a better world, or a better perception of the world. Every link around me would notice, with hatred or with love, they will. Maybe somewhere else someone else decides to change, then someone else then it grows. We'll start seeing our own worlds differently. Our actions would testify the change.

I saw this new world more clearly when I threw my last wrapper on the road. Immediately I thought, 170 million wrappers on our roads? Quickly I picked it up.

Somewhere else someone else must have picked one too.

Then I imagined a clean world. I picked someone else's wrapper.

Imagine, if even half of us had thought of changing at that moment we would have cleaned the entire mess.

We all exist individually and collectively. Thus changing for the better, no matter how small that change is, is very important. This change is important because somewhere someone else who wants to change like you do needs to know its possible. And that they have company.

May God give us to be the first raindrops. They are always the most delighting :)

Dichotomy

2011-06-08T15:01:00.001+05:00

I feel very dichotomic in my own self. One part of me takes the corrective pen in Hand and wants to heal the society, to counter poverty, depravity, faithlessness, dishonesty, intolerance etc while the other part just closes eyes on all of it and imagines man inside a cocoon, a being given so much potential he's never realised. This part of me sees all of us as works of complex art, wanting to be understood. This part considers travelling and exploring this world one of the most important things in appreciating the creation of Allah.

But however dichotomic all this is, the one satisfying thought is that both these ways of discovering God are neither mutually exclusive nor mutually dependant and they aren't the only ways in the world.

over time I have developed an intense energy that comes from the feeling that all is unknown and all is uncertain to me. Thank God He never gave us the ability to see the future, it would've killed whatever little desire we have to use our God given abilities.

Coffee shoffee

2011-02-04T12:10:00.000+05:00

One of my most favourite pictures. I have loved taking coffee as a photography subject for a simple reason that I love making and drinking it. A coffee and newspaper morning, preferably with a crossword puzzle is surreal. One of the simplest most pleasurable pleasures.

Break free

2011-02-04T12:02:00.000+05:00

These days I have been doing a lot of thinking. And I mean A LOT. I have been more sensitive to the things around me, have realized a lot of things about myself my religion and the world around me, and I feel its made me a totally different person. But I wanted to share my thinking with people in an attempt to make them see the world from my eye for starters, but every time I looked for a way to do it I stumbled along the way. Therefore I decided I can never ever completely right whatever I have thought and explored about myself.

But one thing I have realized recently is how beautiful every little thing in this world is. And this realization has led me to a plane totally different from what I used to tread upon previously. Suddenly, I am transported into people’s minds, into lifeless things and to places I have never been to. But most of all, the realization that nothing in this world can be taken for granted. Nothing. Not even a particle of dust. God’s creation and the beauty in everything He has created, the science in each molecule, atom and cell has brought me closer to realizing myself. There is now an urgency. To explore the world around me, because we don’t have much time. To see the reality of everything behind the superficial material layer. Once we realize the importance of realizing the reality only then can we get closer to God.

Imagine a particle of sand infront of you. Imagine its components, the silica, the minerals in it. Imagine its age. Imagine the beauty of this single nothingness. Imagine it could be home to a million creatures. Imagine, it in itself is a part of the desert, so it has the spirit. Imagine the exactness in its composition, its relationship with a hundred billion other particles. Now, understand how beautifully Allah created it all. And this is just a sand particle. Nothing else. Everyday it stood idle on your doorstep you maybe whisked it away. You never realized it came to knock on your door, to wake you up, get you out of your world. And this is nothing. This is just a tip of the biggest iceberg. This is just a sand particle. Imagine how beautifully complex would things get.

And imagine yourself, the best thing Allah created. Have you ever realized how beautiful you are? How beautiful are the people around you? There is photographable scene in each and everything you set your eyes upon.

The time is running out. There’s only one way to realize the importance of yourself, break free from your little worlds.

From the shadows

2011-01-24T14:09:00.001+05:00

Exterior wall of Shahi Qila

Exposure 1/1000sec

f/20

ISO-100

Many tries later.

2011-01-23T15:12:00.003+05:00

There was once a time that blogging was an everyday passion for me. Then slowly, gradually my posts dwindled and finally came to a stop. That doesn't mean that I lost my passion for writing, infact, the passion grew manifold. I started writing facebook notes, as I thought they were more accessible to the people around me but slowly gradually my writings grew lengthy and it took people lots of courage to start reading them all. Besides, I always missed blogger, and the template of my blog, and my readers who I found I out I loved and missed. Though I never had that many readers but the ones who always visited and commented certainly had left their mark on me.
I started writing for an online magazine too. It was then I discovered a startling fact about myself. That magazine demanded serious and positive articles about current issues. And the contribution had to be regular. Sadly this was a lethal combination. I wrote for a few weeks and then all of a sudden I realized that I looked for opportunities to write some more interesting, witty and light hearted stuff. So gradually, at the first chance it got, the heart complained of lack of issues to talk about and at the very first opportunity, I stopped writing complaining of being busy. Atleast that's what the excuse my heart made to my mind.
This wasn't the end, I registered at ODesk too, deciding to earn a little money from writing. Firstly, I never got a project, secondly, I decided it was totally unlike me to sell my creativity. Therefore immediately I dropped the idea.
What it seems is that my longest standing affair has been with blogger and I am finally, once again making a return. I won't expect many witnesses, but if there are any readers still left looking for me, well I am here. For good.
Btw, some changes in my life. I have started working. And I have bought an SLR too (old news now btw). So life's awesome Alhamdulillah.
And yes, introducing a new character to my blog, Moo. She appeared under a different name earlier (of wrist bands fame :p). Moo is the most important part of me. Full stop :)

My cities

2010-11-02T01:15:00.001+05:00

There's someone who's taking the color out of my picture, who's causing darkness all around, robbing my markets of life. The voices, once chirpy and excited have all gone quiet. I wait for my death to hit me sometime.

But not yet.

There is a light. A blinding light. There is hope.

Maybe.

(for the city of Karachi)

Ramadan Relief

2010-08-24T00:24:00.001+05:00

There's just so much one gets to hear that’s wrong with the system and the society that sometimes we wonder if there's anything at all that's right. But then there's always something that might brighten us up even if for a split second. This post goes out to all the people who are victims of Monday blues and are thinking of something to look forward to, this Monday and a few more.

The Ramadan timings.

Gone are the days when it used to be cold and it was hard getting up without a blanket wrapped around yourself, the sehris are more like any other meal of the day. Of course the extra consumption of yogurt does make you feel much better about yourself, but imagine if its a Monday. Sehri takes an entirely different shape as we keep convincing ourselves that today is just another day at the same office you go everyday to. But it's not that easy I've learnt. So you start thinking of things to look forward to.

The best way is to go to other extreme of your day at work which is when you're driving back home. Thinking of that time eases a little pressure on the shoulders sometimes and the thought that you'll be going home while the sun's still out makes you even happier.

But then again these are mere thoughts, the day always goes on at its pace. But one thing you notice is that the tea cups from desks and coffee mugs are understandably absent and work goes on at a slower pace. If I'm not exaggerating its always a good time to shout out to someone at the other end of the office to discuss last night's news bulletin, our country is a happening place.

Somehow there's a general understanding amongst most people that not a lot of work can be expected during Ramadan, except obviously if yours is a company that does greater business in Ramadan. So, across the board the Ramadan phenomenon prevails. This certainly gives a relief from the merciless corporate grind of today.

As the day ages, people start looking at their watches and wall clocks, starting to wind up the work hours before the clock strikes home. This is one of the longest times of the day when you do everything to ensure that the time passes quickly. Inside everyone knows, overtime isn't expected plus the boss has to go home early too, he has Iftar parties to attend, what more could you ask for?

And finally the agonizingly slow clock strikes out, and immediately there's this urge to scream 'freedom' as loud as possible. And this is the part of the day you thought at sehri about. You make a mental note of this event to cherish next Monday so that you can avoid the Monday blues, but then you remember you did that last Monday too.

Suddenly all you have in mind is the slow drive back home and a bed that's ready for you to tuck into, and that too at 4pm. This is how work was meant to be.

2010-05-23T12:39:00.000+05:00

Fences

Fad

2010-05-12T07:44:00.002+05:00

For some reason, I've always loved wearing wrist bands, simple ones. Somehow they compliment me. Now is like a dream come true. A new band everyday.

Thank you MAQ :)

tick tock

2010-04-10T00:24:00.000+05:00

Every hour here is pretty strange. Lets take one of the 12 examples each day.

6:59…shucks one minute left that’s it, damn I had to iron clothes, make a smoothie, iron my clothes, dust the car and now there’d no light in the garage, had to vacuum my carpet, my cell’s running out of battery so is my laptop, and a bigger problem, only one minute till my modem goes off nadd I can post this post no longer, I had to do my research for my report, had to mail umair my cv, had to change my status on facebook, well that I can do from my cell too but still, I had to watch that match on tv and fight with sis for the remote, damn the match would be over effectively when the electricity comes back again, one minute one minute one minute, damn, so much to do so little time, so little so little what should I do first….mmmmmmmm

7:00…*BLUCK*

In the dim light of UPS powered energy savers and noisy fans I sit there in helplessness, almost expecting to be surprised by the WAPDA people, that for once we’d have another hour of civilization. But no. Strangely, WAPDA employs sadistically punctual people but who can blame them, its obviously very pleasing to make so many millions helpless with the push of one button…aaargh…

7:01… haye its okay, I can rest for a while, play solitaire till the battery of the lappy goes out…sigh sigh sigh

And an hour passes, like the negative part of the sine wave, yes its that mechanical now.

7:59… power’s about to be back what should I do what should I do…yessssssssss I’m so lucky its gonna come back yoohoo…

Like it wasn’t supposed to…

8:00… thank God…lets see…hmmmmmm…I’m so happy I cant think of anything to do, really, Kasmay…so happy so happy….woohoooo

And the happiness lasts for another 59 minutes. Needless to say, nothing can be done in that time period, because of sheer joy. Its like the most intense high, experienced 12 times everyday yet more powerful than the last.

Who needs drugs?

craving...

2010-04-07T14:01:00.002+05:00

Sometimes you just want somethings so bad like you cannot really control your desires ... you cry like a baby you become extremely restless.Its like this strong craving that penetrates your soul and makes you lose your senses.I wonder if it carries the same intensity for everyone but in my case ,it really is the maximum.I feel i can sacrifice anything to fulfill my desire.Its like that yummy dripping dark chocolate simply irrisitible !
I wish i could really quote an example but right now thats all i want to write but i am sure i'll be able to explain it more ...maybe... when my innerself allows me
for now i just wish something satisfies my soul ...and ummm that time will come soon inshaAllah

anotherone

2010-04-03T22:10:00.001+05:00

Good time for another one :p

well I’ve been doing a lot. But I don’t think I should mention all of that. Its like I began a completely new life. A really beautiful one. Other than that, I might quote some of my adventures from time to time.

And btw it feels really strange to be writing again, because for the past 6 7 months, the stuff I have written has been of completely different nature :p writing on my blog seems completely different. But I will settle down inshaAllah. Once I get back my blog friends that is :p.

One person I know who’d be reading this is mubi, not because she was a very loyal reader but because I’m going to bug her into reading this, and like a good girl she will (pardon the makhan :p). All the other people I might have to wait for but then Mr. Smacula has never dissppointed me, always been an excellent senior, a UETian helping another. There are other people too, but there’s no way I can remind them that I exist L these two I can catch thru that thing called facebook. But not to worry, I brought it all onto me myself.

So much has been going on in and around our beloved piece of land these days. And so much has not been happening. I say that because half the day, there is no electricity anyways. Like literally ofr 12 hours we are in the dark. Remember when we were kids we used to wonder about lands imn the arctic where it used to be a whole season of day and another of night?? Ab paish kartay hain new and improved, ek ghanta din aur ek raat. Like a zebra, black white black white, and surprisingly that’s the only thing we are more than consistent at, they don’t miss a chance to make us sweat. And rightly so, we’re the poor citizens and not people who go around the city in their 4x4s, looking at the common man in disgust. We are the disgusting common men. People who sweat and go dark and don’t have air conditioners that run on generators fueled by the government’s purse. I have a lot on my mind with regard to all that. And its gonna come out soon inshaAllah.

may a gya

2010-04-03T22:09:00.000+05:00

Ahm ahm…its kinda awkward, slightly difficult and extremely embarrassing. Its like ummmmm…like a village guy who had a little bit of respect in his village, runs away from his home, his village and after some time, realizes that Damn! I need to go back. Not that the village needs the negligent chap, but for his own sake.

Now he’s in a predicament, a very awkward situation. He doesn’t know how he will be greeted. He could be welcomed with garlands, he could be. Or, he could be thrown stones at. But these two situations would only be considered if he ummmm is not forgotten. He could be ignored, all the people he had got to know would have certainly moved on and rightly so, he wasn’t much of a company either, not to regular not to committed in his commitments to them not too interested in his interests. So when he went away, not a lot of people exactly saw the butterfly effect, they didn’t feel it. But like I said, the village boy felt the gravity of what he had done, what he had missed and what he was missing. And he realized that because his life had become the most beautiful the most wholesome it had ever been. It had changed completely from the last time he saw his village. And he was made to realize by the person who changed his life that the village was an integral part of him.

He doesn’t know if there will be people who’d visit him when he’d go to the village, doesn’t even know if he’d ever get a place to live in. that doesn’t mean the people are cruel or mean or unwelcoming, but it’s a common observation and a deserved punishment for being negligent towards something you love so much.

But then, that’s life, when someone makes you realize something, some mistake, it makes you a better person, and it makes you even better if you go back on the mistake if you can and ask for the people involved to take you back if they can. Certainly the other villagers have been really nice people.

Maybe, its time I go back, irrespective of the treatment I’d receive.

To anyone who missed me, I’m sorry. To all the ones who didn’t, its good I don’t have to apologise to everyone :p…

But it feels awesome to be back to my blog. Been long.

And thankyou MAQ for making me realize.

Btw MAQ is the person who made my life the most beautiful a person could have.

True love brings you back from the deepest of dungeons.

something i fell in love with

2009-08-27T22:10:00.006+06:00

Recently, i.e. yesterday i came across this beautiful beautiful poem written about two years back by a very close friend of mine, a piece of writing that really humbled me, i dont know if that friend would like to be named but i wanted to share it with everyone, i fell in love with the poem the minute i read it...here it goes...

"Teray wisaal k aagay, mera wujood mila

Wo teray rubaru aakay, mera sukoot mila

Mila woh khwaab ka tukra jo kho gaya tha kahin

Wo sab tasawwur main jo ho chuka tha kabhi

Wo sab, sach ki tarah la-mahdood mila.

Meray adraak k pannay pallat sakkay bhi nahin

Patanahi dil ko yakeen mila k na mila...

Magar yeh sach hai! koi saraab nahin

Ehsaas tau hai, keh haan koi hai milla"

Alphabet Iftaari

2009-08-27T15:03:00.001+06:00

Ramazan is here and I am here too, to touch upon this very serious issue. Very very serious.

It's the first roza and we have been invited to X and Y’s place for their son’s birthday party cum iftar(S and T their sons, U the daughter). So far so good. I get ready and drive the car with my mom and dad clutching the edge of their seats and shouting at me to drive carefully. That happens daily so nothing new. Anyways, by pure instinct I get the car to the place (since X and Y shifted there only recently)

After the salam duas the men all get busy in their stuff women in theirs. By stuff I mean the normal lanter banter. By that I mean gup shup. So far so good. People arrive, and here I’d like to introduce my new characters which are the protagonists and antagonist and agonizingogists of the event.

A and B, their sons C and D, and daughter E

F and G, their sons H and J, and daughter K

Now copy this key onto another empty page so it's easy to refer to.

Ummmmm, I guess I should get to the climax straight away.

5 min to iftaar:

H: mamu 5 min reh gaey hain aa jain

Dad: acha

4 min to iftaar:

ABCDEFGHJK: skibiniksidlksdokaodsfkalsdaskd;l

3 min to iftaar:

Me: (texting texting)

2 min to iftaar:

Silence

1 min to iftaar:

Silence

IFTAAR:

Suddenly time comes to a halt. All life stops dead in it's tracks. There is nothing left! Nothing right! Only food!!!!! Perfect demonstration of the theory of relativity…one person, two hands, limitless possibilities. A huge plate in one hand the other darting towards various dishes like a poisonous snake, snap snap, and the plate was full……….there’s still no stopping at that, pakoras keep falling like men in world war II, bang bang…aaloo walay…bang bang bangan walay…bang bang khali walay!!! Then dahi bhallas, fruit chat all into one plate as I looked at the scene in amazement…this cant be true…

B: C beta jaldi ao apki plate hogai, an D aur E ko bhi bulao

And she fills the plates, two more…the same way, same slick movements, murder she wrote. Yes that’s right for all the other people watching all the yummy food being passed down in inheritance, this was equal to murder!! My dad held an empty plate in his hand as he too admired the swiftness of the assassin…

G: ye kya baat hui B, mere bachay to reh gaye

B: bhabi han g han g, ao J idhar ao tumari b plate bnaoon…U aap b ao jaldi…

And then as A-Z looked as B filled plate after plate of Ramazan goodies while otherts watched.

Obviously A and F were pretty satisfied their children were being fed.

Time goes in slow motion, and the plate sequence is on loop. My dad still stands with an empty plate, and he being the eldest there I kind of feet for him. All the other people, oh who am I kidding, most of the plunderers are only momentary onlookers….anyways all the astonished people are still watching dumbfounded when finally normality is restored.

G: beta J idhar ao plate le k khali hogai hai

Somewhere in the room

Anonymous: Hassaan apne kuch lia nai abi tak

Forca Barca

2009-08-26T15:37:00.000+06:00

Incase someone decides to visit my blog and think they’ve come to the wrong place well not really. Just a template change, I wanted to stick with the plain black one but then I came across this. Since the new season has just begun and we’ve already won a trophy, this is to celebrate that.

Forca Barca.

the fall

2009-08-08T17:05:00.002+06:00

The blade cuts deep into you and you stop feeling the pain that you are meant to feel. Blood paints yours clothes red, the red deepening into a black slowly but constantly. It trickles down the fibers of your clothes leaving a few droplets everywhere as a sign of a long gone calamity. The cut deepens and so does the color of the blood, your smile stays the same, there isn’t even a flinch from you. The expressions don’t change. You don’t bite your lip or clench your fist. Maybe you do feel the dampness of the blood soaked clothes but you choose to ignore. Your gaze fixed in mid air. For a moment, I think you are going to scream but your smile deepens into a more satisfied curve. Everything around you is soaked in the aroma of fresh flowing blood. But you don’t even smell that. The cut which is deep enough to carve out a valley of flesh continues to grow, the blade continues to work as the flow of blood increases to an incessant stream. I want to stop the blade, but the resolution on your face binds me within my own self.
Suddenly the stream of blood turns to a proper fountain. Then two. Everything around you including your face your hair is painted in deep red, time comes to a halt, the lively fountains shoot your blood everywhere, I am not spared. I know it's too late. Your blood red face still carries the smile, the blade takes this as a cue to drive deeper. The fountain is dwindling, it's throw decreasing to a stream again, then a trickle, like everything is going in reverse motion. Suddenly the blade stops moving there’s no more to cut.
You finally look down, not without an effort. Your wrist hangs only by a tendon, drying up. There’s no more blood left to flow. You always trusted the blade to stop? The smile vanishes, I cant make out your expression. In what seems like a moment, you fall on your side.
You fall into your own pool of blood.
There’s something in your eyes, but it cant be a tear.

Whats the best way to drown your thoughts out?

2009-08-04T21:06:00.000+06:00

I sat on my pc waiting for it to wake up from it's sleep. It's surprising I have so much on my mind these days I hardly get time to get proper thinking done! It's crazy. Like thought clashing a thought. Often I try to compartmentalize my mind for the purpose of giving my mind a break but I always fail to do that, probably because some thoughts refuse to go away or even give others a bit of space. I don’t complain, because I love them, but just to give it another try, I am trying to do it with the combination of music and blogging. Dunno if it's working
I always thought what it felt like to be high on happiness, not the crazy happiness that makes you scream, but ummmmm the crazy happiness that gets you imagining lovey dovey songs all the time with you in them, you hum half of the time tunes you never liked, smile at every freaking thing and then suddenly, like after being high for a very long time you suddenly go down, rock bottom. Pretty bad feeling and nothing happens really to bring the feeling about. And right then everything goes down with it, and all you can do is try to drown out your own thoughts the worst form of evasive action a human could take, but sometimes you really really have to, just to simplify your life. I was just wondering what’s the best way to avoid that pit after being high for such a long time. I guess there probably isn’t a way. I hope this post isn’t too non sensical, I just feel really good about my blog so I m posting it.

.

2009-07-27T10:14:00.001+06:00

When light begins to disappear,
when night begins to show,
set my withering heart on fire,
we'll walk in its fading glow.

Rain rain

2009-07-13T23:59:00.000+06:00

⁯Rain rain,
lets play the game,
of hide and seek,
and stop and freeze,
from blue to brown,
to black with sounds,
the thundering wind,
and leaves that sing,
and sway with might,
left and right,
wait for you,
the green and blue,
unite the two,
and brew the brew,
of mango trees,
and clouds' fleece,
of little girls,
with waves and curls,
untying their hair,
to let the air,
fly them away,
where it may.
.
Rain rain,
lets play the game,
of storytelling,
of stellar dwellings,
of lands unseen,
of heavens green,
where you were born,
where every song,
is sweet as cane,
o rain o rain,
make us sane,
bring the change,
wet the tracks,
and mend the cracks,
bring us smiles,
and all this while,
stay right here,
and watch us cheer.
.
Rain rain,
dont play this game,
of going away,
leaving all grey,
and leaving alone,
like many have gone! ⁮

I'll be there

2009-07-12T02:46:00.002+06:00

You can turn your back on me when you want to,
you can stab me in the back,
you can throw sticks and stones,
you can break all my bones,
you can leave standing all alone,
you can decide not to text nor phone,
you can tear each one of my poems,
you can prove each one of your blames,
shove in flames,
all the times,
all the memories,
that sing like sweet chimes,
you can bury me down below,
not 6 feet but 7 layers and more,
you can make me walk the plank,
or leave my canvas totally blank,

practise all you can on me,
the world is not for the carefree,
i cant let you go alone,
on this road full of pricks and thorns,
whatever you do and whatever you can,
remember you'll not make me an angry man,
you can try
to disappear,
to duck,
to hurt,
to ignore,
to refuse,
to confuse,
i don't care,
whatever happens,
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE!

A Revolution

2009-07-05T02:38:00.001+06:00

Your ragged blue cheeks,
you filthy lowlife scum,
damnation your fate,
they pronounce you deaf and dumb.

Your bloodshot eyes,
you dream of the sacred,
they trample you underneath,
your love is their hatred.

Rise from your ashes,
rise to flesh and blood,
awaken your heart and soul,
rise from bloody mud.
The time has come,
to fly the flag of the COMMONS,
to rise against the oppressor,
wakeup your fate now summons.

Blood,
sweat,
tears,
you gave,
its time,
to have it all back,
yes there is a crack,
sharpen the saw,
its time to draw,
your map your land,
use your own bloody hand,
lowlife you were,
filthy yes SIR!
the oppressor shall bow,
to its own slave right now,

and your ragged blue cheeks,
and the clothes you wore,
are no more torn,
ragged no more!

Our colors

2009-07-02T00:12:00.001+06:00

Grey and blue,
thats the hue,
of bloody leaves,
and sorrow's dew,

of soot and smoke,
of ties that broke,
cough and choke,
the dreams we drew,
of bodies that fall,
hearts they maul,
of death's toll,
the soulless crew.

grey and blue,
yes thats the hue!

Heart and mind

2009-06-29T03:18:00.003+06:00

Heart: i wanna write a post

mind: haha, watch brazil vs usa instead

heart: ummm okay, can't i do it while watching?

Heart (again): you stupid idiot! Its football. You dont stuff while watching football.

Mind: quiet!

Heart: so the match is over, now?

Mind: sometime in this life try giving me a break!

Heart: oh yeah you give me a break!

Mind: from wat?

Heart: from watever

mind: haha okay lets write a post

heart: thats more like it, about wat?

Mind: how'd i know?

Heart: how'd i know?

Mind: how'd i know?

Heart: how'd i know?

Mind: then forget it, it was your idea

heart: okay lets write our dialogue down

mind: the fingers are already doin that...oh wait haven't they messed up our dialogues?

Heart: genius its your fault, your job is to remember stuff

mind: oh yeah? Do you ever let me be free? You always have a new PROJECT coming up to keep me busy

heart: haha projects

mind: cant even think of a better word

heart: haha bloody wannabe thesauras

mind: technically you are bloodier! :)

heart: and since when have i been technical?

Mind: haha, our dialogues aren't THAT mixed up! Haha

...

2009-06-20T02:55:00.001+06:00

When the wind stops blowing, all you can hear is your own heart. Sometimes it whispers, i remember mine used to. It used to talk.
Now, for some odd reason, whenever the wind stops blowing, i can't even feel if my heart is there. Either it has given in to my mind or i'm always so preoccupied that i let it go unnoticed.

Wait, i think i'll make a conscious effort to get the whisper back.

But, i cant pray for the wind to stop blowing right now, can i???

Late night stuff

2009-06-15T00:44:00.000+06:00

I get these late night excitement pangs every other day for the past one week when all of a sudden i start feeling great.

Tonight, its Criss Angel who triggered it, walkin on water, though usually i'm pretty skeptical in believing in that kind of stuff, but i kind of wanted to think this was happening. So, a mental note, this was happening. What impressed me was what he said, he said something on the lines of "i want people to see that we can break free from the limits".
Limits are something i always believed to be relative. Dreams can be followed and can come true.

The second thing was pappu sain's performance. I've an obsession with percussion instruments and i literally fantasize about them. So he performed in his famous manner, goin round and round like an unhappy merry go round, and he played some really really complex stuff.

The final nail in the coffin of my sleepiness, was the national anthem of spain playing. I love it when national anthems are played at the start of football matches. So it was spain vs newzealand...and puyol the great man is playing...awesome...i'm supporting brazil thou...

Anyways, its an exam on tuesday, and i so hate it. I've just mailed mubi "hey i'm bored" and i am coz noone's talking...

Damn, torres scores a second. GOD save the newzealanders...

The most controversial post of the year......NOT

2009-06-04T15:39:00.003+06:00

There's something i've been wondering for the past few days. To some it may sound very obvious and the question may appear very stupid, but then again all great ideas are termed nonsense in the beginning...a word of caution though, this question isn't great at all!

The question is, can you take a bath in pitch black darkness, would you know which of the parts of your body is where?
Secondly, can you eat in the dark without missing your mouth with a spoon?

I asked four people, here're the responses
mahru was the first one

mahru: o yes you can, you've had this body for how long?
Mha: one day,
mahru: and hows that true?
Mha: humans grow up, natural phenomenon, bodies change, you wont know
mahru: sigh!

The next one was jaws

jaws: i've never done it
mha: kabi to?
Jaws: nae, oh yes, but i've eaten in the dark, i've never missed my mouth but kabi aise hota k chamach khali wapas a jata plate se

faizi was next
faizi: nahaya nae kbi andhere may, but itna bewakuf to koi nae k chamach mu may na jaey
mha: but what if you want to rub your face but end up rubbing your armpit?
faizi: hahahahahahahaha
mha: sigh

the last one was SG, i texted her the second question only
sg: i cant eat in the dark because i've to separate all vegies
mha: i didn't mean that, i meant k can you miss your mouth?
Sg: hahahaha you dont know where your mouth is? You're crazy hahahaha
mha: i was just asking
sg: hahahaha you're a crazy guz
sg: guy*
mha: i have another question too, can you take a bath in the dark? I didn't ask you coz i thought bathing is a private affair and girls shouldn't be asked.
Sg: hahahaha yes you can, you can do both
mha: oh i thought i had this special ability to do stuff in the dark
sg: hahahahahahahaha you're so crazy
mha: hasna bus karo

so my question is answered, 75% of the population can eat in the dark, while only 50% can bathe in the dark. Which section of the society are you? Either you're with us or against us!

humari librari and other stories

2009-05-30T09:22:00.004+06:00

I’ve never been in the computer section of my university library for a proper reason. A proper reason would be something related to engineering or my course work etc, since the library is called National Library of Engineering Sciences. Initially I’d facebook here but some sadistic administrator banned it. Though blogger is still safe from the guy.
When you are in the midst of so many computers and so many people you are bound to look around. I mean stealing glances doesn’t hurt does it?? The first thing you’d notice is that there are separate rows for girls and guys. Initially I thought the restriction was only self imposed by the students, but that day, an unsuspecting pair of opposite gender were working on a single computer (the girl was instructing the guy as is normally the case at uet) when the sadistic admin arrived

“Aapko pata hai ye yahan allowed nahi hai??”
“Sir Kaam kar rahay hain”
“Sorry, uth jain aaap”

so much for an interactive society.

That same day, I noticed this pretty girl using facebook in the library. I so wished the admin would catch her red handed, which he did, haha, it was kind of embarrassing bnut that very thing happened to me too a few days ago, he was like

“Appko pata hai facebook allowed nai hai yahan??”
“Nai sir”
“Chalain ab to band karain”

!@%%%#@#@ . whats with not letting people relax.

One good thing about this section of the library is that almost always its air conditioned, whatever happens, they don’t switch the ACs off, for the sake of computers I guess, I sometimes think what would the admin say if I sat here all day pretending to do work. Its too boring an idea to give it a try but I think I’ll convince someone to try that out for me :p

Now I’m not really a show off but sometimes, showing off your talent isn’t too bad. Most of the people here are actually looking at their keyboards looking for letters, then poking at them with single index fingers, get the idea??? Pretty bad typing speeds. Someone once told me

“ye typing tutors se speed nai ziada hoti, chatting se ziada hoti hai”

so using msn in the olden times worked then! This dude sitting on the next computer was also a victim of lack of instant messaging experience so while he looked for words and handled the mouse rather UNdexterously, it made it a point to type real fag as seldom at the keyboard as I could and making CLICK CLICK noises with the keys. Although I must admit the keyboard is so pathetic that I’m hating it and wondering if all the vanity is really worth it…btw, just in case people might be wondering, I don’t type too well, just a case of ANDHON MAY KAALA RAJA :p :p :D :D

Btw, I’m in really high spirits these days coz my team won the UEFA Champions League. All Hail FC Barcelona…..FORCA BARCA.... I mean I’ve been in pure ecstasy these past 2 days, dancing alone infront of the tv, texting people like crazy, I cant stop I just cant stop. We are the first Spanish team to get a treble, La Liga, Copa Del Rey and the Champions League, and that too after beating Man United 2-0 in the final. Carles Puyol the captain played like a true captain, and a true Catalan. I mean wow. And Messi, the kid is magical. I have a shair for him to end the post with

“Zara dekho to Faraz, ajab naat hai ye kaisi
Ferdinand aur O Shea k beech se header maar gaya Messi”

Waah Waah Muqarrar

of looking back

2009-05-27T09:45:00.000+06:00

The sun turns yellow from orange as the world wakes up to a brand new morning. life opens its eyes to fresh day, as the birds realize its not the same 24hours. It seems as if everything in the universe has this realization at exactly the same instant, a realization that a Today has become a Yesterday and a new Tomorrow is knocking at the door. But not everyone appreciates this extra sensory perception, not everyone grabs it, people have different attitudes, different reactions and different ways to handle the present.
Amongst all these people, some are particularly clingy, they are not letting go of their yesterdays, and yesteryears. They cannot, for some reason let go of memories, sweet or bitter they might be. The new dawn signifies for them only the start of another 24 hours, to be spent in the memory of a past, in the memory of memories. How many of us do not realize the importance of moving on in life. Of sleeping over things that trouble us. Of letting go of friends, family, love and everything that doesn’t want to hold on to you. Certainly, so many of us claim to be able to get over stuff pretty easily, but one fleeting glance at something from the past and your lost in nostalgia once again. No matter how many things change around us, the heart refuses to budge, it refuses to wipe of each and every sign of the past. I think I’ve been wrong in my assumption. Almost every one of us has this trait and its not special to some people only. Therefore, is there a chance that this is a design characteristic in all humans?? But then why would some people act like nothing affects them, like they remember r miss nothing at all??? Is it possible that they really have succeeded in achieving what we call perfect control over their own hearts?? Maybe yes, because I have seen people who’ve slept over things so easily that it shocked me, who chose to ignore such elemental stuff that in the end, I was made to think that this is really possible, rather, even easy for some.
I’m not passing any judgments on anyone, and I’m not saying which of the options is better, every man’s heart is for himself, so is every man’s mind. People can choose to let go of their memories entirely, to move on, but it comes at a cost. The sacrifice has to be made. The cost is a part of your own self. No matter how resolute and ambitious one is, we are bound to leave a part of us in our memories. We leave ourselves behind, not just our footsteps or images, but parts of our own selves. Life goes on from there, people say “and there was no looking back”, but there’s no such thing as that. Everyone looks back, its like an instinctive action. But not all of us want to recognize what we’re seeing when we look back. Some, just choose to ignore or act ignorant, these people, have made the sacrifice.

Realization

2009-05-23T09:37:00.000+06:00

What good is a heart that doesn't miss a beat? What good is a heart that doesn't jump, that doesn't laugh or cry, that doesn't melt when needed to?

What good is a mind that doesn't wander, that doesn't delve into its own deep forgotten secrets, that doesn't lose itself in memories?

What good is a soul thats never been looked for, that has never seen the outer world, what good is a soul that has never flown?

Wat good is pleasure without pain, triumphs in vain, joy without sorrow, a certain today without an unpredictable tomorrow?

What good is life without its glitches, without potholes, traps, heartbreaks, failure...death.

Certainly, its no good!

Where to look?

2009-05-03T17:33:00.000+06:00

Where to look for life?
wherever there is strife,
where torture and struggle romance,
someone lost in hope's distant trance,

where to look for joy?
where sorrow is treated like a toy,
where oblivion is the way to live,
hopes they take dreams they give,

where to look for hope?
where lives hang by the thinnest rope,
which winds of despair threaten to break,
someone stands with eyes closed and faith that wont shake.

Untitled

2009-04-02T01:53:00.001+05:00

Never let people grow on you to the extent they overcome you. Then, every small step of theirs causes a butterfly effect in your life.
Life's too precious, too important for that.
At every point of my life, i meet people, who grow on me, absent-mindedly. I need to stop that.
Need to cut it out!

Damnation

2009-04-01T02:23:00.002+05:00

The little girl smiled at her father through the car window, waving back at him from the confines. The father held back a sigh, and put his best face on to wish his child goodbye, the mother sitting in the driving seat, trying not to look in his direction. The little girl's expression changed from a smile to a straighter face when she realised her fears were real, her father wouldn't be going with her. As the car started crawling, her waving became less enthusiastic and more lost, waving like one does to clear thick mist or haze. She cocked her head in the direction of her father for as long as she could and when the car turned a bend, she was gone.
The father let a tear drop down his cheek, he had never thought it would really come to this. Everytime, separation seemed a possibility, he thought such things happen to people in movies, and not normal people like him. Normal people who go to the office, work hard all day, come home, have a beautiful wife waiting, a beautiful daughter to tell stories to, things for these people seem perfect. Perfect but all of sudden they're made to realise life isn't a movie. Things could go wrong all of a sudden, and could stay that way. Happy endings aren't a compulsion.
He turned his back on the road, almost making a metaphorical statement as to never get out of seclusion again. But he knew picking up his pieces was the important thing to do. Yes it would sting, but it had to be done. He'd see his daughter again, maybe after months, but she'd never be the same. She'd know she could live without her father. She'd have understood that he was never an essential part of life for her, he thought. And then, he'd remain a nominal figure in her life. She'd call him dad, but wouldn't be with him. How unlucky to have someone who could care, and let them go.

He went inside and looked at his wife's picture, her flowing name of hair took his heart away the first time he had seen her years back, and now it brought only painful memories. Her eyes looking at him, though now he knew they had stopped looking for him anymore, her nose her lips, all belonged to him once, now seemed part of a beautiful portrait. Her slender hand underneath her chin gave him aching reminiscences. He remembered the hand from all the long walks around the endless web of streets, pointlessly roaming around, hand in hand. He remembered the hand from the first time he asked her out for marriage, the first ring he gave her, the first promises they took, the first time she held their daughter, the first day she took her to the new school, but most of all, he remembered the hand that signed heartless piece of paper, that decided his Damnation. He hated every bit of the picture and he loved every bit of it.
All this was too heavy for him to hold back so he let go. The walls listened in silence as his tears slid down his cheek into and around the slit of his lips. He sat down, half embarrassed at his weak self, at his helplessness.
That very moment he questioned his beliefs about his ego, his own selfishness, his selfrespect. He wished he could turn things back, and he'd be more careful. But life doesn't give two chances to everyone. He knew he had burnt all his ships, and the ashes were slowly being swallowed by the sea of time. One day, he'd probably learn to live with it, but this wouldn't be a solution. This'd be another kind of Damnation!

innerself

2009-03-31T19:54:00.001+05:00

It’s no use running away from yourself. One day, your inner self is going to catch you or at least catch up with you. No use lying, ducking behind excuses, hiding behind unimportant stuff and small talk, no use telling yourself you can go around your problems, no use playing hide and seek, no use covering your face every day with fake emotions, trying to bury the real ones underneath the skin, no use trying to get used to compromises that are infact not compromises at all, utterly painful conformities, no use thinking things should be left the way they are, no use pitying yourself to the extent that you start feeling good about the pain, the problems. Its all futile. In the end, you’ll be sitting back trying to relax but won’t be able to. That’s when you’ll realize that the mistake you made all through has taken so much of yourself away, your faith, your trust in yourself. You’ll realize what you’re going to do now should’ve been done ages ago, should’ve been done from the start.

But its never too late to take a look in the mirror. Its never too late to befriend yourself. Its one of the easiest things to do as well if you realize.

Of children and men.

2009-03-19T06:44:00.001+05:00

The world seems meaningless to a bunch of twelve year olds, jumping about their set of marbles, watching them go east west north south on the earthen floor. Their clear and hazy bottle greens sharp contrasts to the pale earth, making it easy to spot their slightest move. As one sits and powers a Finger-slingshot, aiming at another kid's marble, the other children watch in anxiety, one of them in fear. If it hits, the aiming kid gets up and rejoices, the owner of the hit marble clenches his fists at his luck, but the effect is cancelled out. In a second or too, all glee all gloom turns to concentration for another round of marbles, and emotions.

Seven or eight white scalped men take their chairs in the southern corner of the park, chatting incessantly, unfazed by hundreds of people walking and jogging about them. They sit down in a ring, call the waiter out for a round of tea and then shut the world out of their minds. For them, the world consists of 60 year old retired men, and women. One of them begins narrating an experience, another one joins in, another cuts it out, another diverts it to another more engrossing experience, subjects change, its like shuffling through a deck of cards, no one knows the next topic. For a moment or two, one or two of the old men get into a heated arguement, the rest donot wish to stop them, for two reasons. First maybe this heated arguement reminds them all of younger times and secondly, they all know that thanks to bad short term memories, this arguement would remain an arguement, and the very next moment, life would be normal. The waiter distributes the tea and leaves, the ambience not the least altered. Its like the whole scenario is taking place in a bottle, the cover of which can only be removed from the inside.

A kid from the marble playing group and an old man from the tea sipping gang are walking down the small street. While neither talks about their little worlds, they connect. They walk hand in hand. The grandfather knows the boy wont understand what they talk about all day, because he's yet to see most of it. And the kid knows that his grandfather won't understand his love for marbles and would scold him, maybe because its been a long time he hasn't powered a finger-slingshot!

TO OUR LOVE

2009-03-15T02:24:00.001+05:00

70 gruelling minutes, and it has come down to this. The score 0-0. Chances missed will be regretted. A match that challenges the physical strength of each one of the players, each one giving the match their everything, heart, body and soul.

Players and spectators line up for the penalty shoot out. What an unjust end to one of the best matches, leaving it all to chance. What a cruel way to end it.

The last penalty kick, team mechanical has already missed one. One kick of the ball separates tears and hope. If shamsu scores, electrical wins. The somalian coolly taps the ball to the right of the keeper. The players in blue erupt in celebration, those in red, hang their heads.

I quickly turn around, and walk back to where my clothes lay and start dressing up.

What a match...this is why we love football, its the most emotional game of the world, it takes you to another world. Whether you win or lose, with every match, every pass, every moment you love increases. Skills, become meaningless. Your determination, love and passion is what gives you wings.

This goes out to the greatest game in the world, and every player who lives the spirit of football.

Feel good inc.

2009-03-12T02:04:00.001+05:00

He crosses the road, with one thing in mind. To be one with the one thing he loves the most. He steps ahead, takes strides, worries, shrugs and does everything to dispel any memory of his past. The darkness adds to the mystery of the moment, to the pleasure of oblivion. The mountains stand tall behind him, the oceans vast and deep infront. The salty smell of asphalt punctures the otherwise numb nerves, giving him a reminder about some of the good things about life. About where does the road lead to? Goes into one big road? Which goes into another big one and another and another? Until it becomes one great road. Does it really have an end? As he steps back and forth about the place he's standing on, he tries to retrace the steps of another person, who perhaps has never been there. But if its one great road, maybe somewhere else in the world, maybe on a road just like this.
His eyes search for an unlikely mirage, for any kind of illusion. Hallucinations, he doesn't like. A dark shadow, leaps at him slowly blotting his heart out until the heart's ready to produce shadows of its own. To haunt other people like him to surrender one day, give up hope, and cry to the music of memories.
This isn't the life he dreamt of. Its better or worse? Noone knows.its just a question with an insignificant answer, so why bother? Every day is different from every dream.

Anoinkyalylylom

2009-03-07T02:37:00.001+05:00

Do we all need an anchor point in our lives? Right now, i really feel i need something to hold on to, something to be my anchor point. I dont know what that exactly means but the word Anchor describes the thing i'm searching for at this point of time. But what exactly is it?
I tried to find it out from Mahru. She said, get married. Then she said, make yourself your own anchor point, i didn't understand both the ideas. How that'll bring a centre of gravity into my life. I know she prolly was kidding about both the ideas, but i wasn't. I've always loved change. But change without a centre of gravity goes on to lead one astray probably. Maybe.

Goatee

2009-03-04T20:48:00.000+05:00

My goatee, my goatee, my goatee has finally finally grown to the point of no return, yes, no stopping from here on inshaAllah...i might post a picture sometime soon inshaAllah, right now i'm getting conflicting comments from everyone. People hate it, and people like it...but i accept it makes me look a little scary, coz its gone pretty long!

Lahore, Pakistan.

2009-03-04T02:07:00.002+05:00

The more i want to write about what's happening around me, the more it seems i've lost the ability to write. Such heavy is the air in my country. Such dark are the times.
We, who got this country as a gift from Allah, who rewarded our forefathers for their sacrifices, have failed to keep its flag up high. We've shamed it in the world in every way possible.
We begged.
We killed our own people.
We cut our own country apart.
We fed on it every single day.
We pulled eachother's legs.
We desecrated our judiciary.
We dishonoured our parliament.
We forgave people who ruined this nation.
We gave the reins of our country into the hands of the most corrupt people.
We defamed our greats, our legends, our saviours.
We shunned popular opinion.
We crushed our poor.
We fed our filthy rich.
We promoted racism, class boundaries, prejudices.
We lost all our morals.
We let go of our legacies.
We discarded our culture.
We transformed our country into sheer mockery.
We did all we could to insult it.
We let go of our forefathers.
We forgot our history.

But alas, we couldn't stop at that,
WE ATTACKED OUR GUESTS! we couldn't provide them with security...we pakistanis who took pride in calling ourselves the most hospitable nation, we deemed it more appropriate to give our governor more security than our very honourable guests from SriLanka. What a shame.

We are sorry. We apologise to the entire SriLankan nation for hurting their trust. Our policemen were martyred trying to save you, maybe that'll show the purity of intent we have.
But think about us, at this moment. We as a nation have been destroying ourselves, with help from outside.

To Mahela Jayawerdene and his men,
we really are a hospitable nation, but we are victims of terrorism. Our friends are their enemies. Whoever these culprits are, they've been making us walk the plank everyday every night. We're sorry you had to go through the trauma, we'd have given as many people as needed to save our guests the slightest bit of discomfort, but sometimes a mixture of badluck and ignorant rulers makes that impossible.
The entire pakistani nation loves you for saying that you'll be back to pakistan. Even if you never come back, saying that is enough.

"ye jo wakt hai mere shehr par,
isse izn day k safar karay,
isse hukam day k chal paray,
meray aasmaan se dur ho,
kisi maujzay ka zahoor ho"

bun to gaya tha Pakistan.
Ab uth k rahay ga pakistan.
Pakistan Zindabad.

Mera mulk, may hukamraan, may shatir.

2009-03-01T15:50:00.001+05:00

Ye jo beess crore hain,
jehl ka nichore hain,
tareekion may doobay huay,
dil b inke chor hain,

inko tu daba k rakh,
neend ka jaam pila k rakh,
uthay to sehla dijiyo,
khauf tu inmay basa k rakh,

ba shaoor jo in may uthay to,
zehr pyar se pilao to,
khamosh wo b ho gya,
jabar, agar phir uthay wo to,

ye jo tera mulk hai,
ye teri hi to milk hai,
karachi lahore teri zameen,
tere khel ka maidaan to hai,

ye jo sab ghareeb hain,
inke kya naseeb hain,
zindagi maut maut zindgi,
ek dairay may muheet hain,
to inko tu pisaey ja,
mustaqbil ko inke khaeya ja,
khoon sab nichore lay,
khazanay apne bnaey ja,

ke ye jo tere log hain,
kuch in may bas tere log hain,
pait or niyyat bharta ja,
paisay k sab ye log hain,

tjh ko bura bolain to ye,
keh day tu inse datt k ye,
beess crore ko sula dia,
kya kumm hai mera kamaal ye?

(inspired by habib jalib's main ne us se ye kaha)

The journey

2009-02-28T06:51:00.001+05:00

Cutting through the river of time is a tiny vessel of existence. Our existence. As we grow up, our ship moves through thick and thin, through crest and trough, looking at hundreds of rocks that either mark our way letting us know how far we've come or stand in our way, making us think of ways around them. I wonder how many of us have stopped at these very rocks long enough to forget they're not their homes. Certainly, i've done that, i've let somethings grow on me to such a frightening extent that in the end, it was impossible to differentiate myself from them, to uproot them from my body and soul...i anchored at the wrong whirlpool, and i got stuck. I'll do that again, and again and again, against my own will, and again...till one day, accidentally, i'll either have a broken anchor, or will have an appropriate place to drop the weight. We all live to see that day, some of us have well defined goals, others just have indicators that let them know that probably they've come close to realising their goals. But some of us, wander around without aim without direction. The problem with this kind of people is that they're happy to be lost, they are oblivious to the greater causes that this long journey was meant for. They start off, party on their way, and all of a sudden, come to a halt, no land nearby, they're marooned. Depressing...there's noone around, only vultures flying over the corpses of dreams that were never dreamt! And then, lives of such people become lives no more!
Some of us, make ourselves a bubble. In that bubble we take in all the other ships boats that we want and leave out undesirable. Then, that bubble in itself becomes a small world, and slowly the outside world fades away. Untill one day, an iceberg strikes the bubble, bringing down all the ships inside it. That iceberg could've been avoided, had the ships not been blinded by their protective bubble, had not been in a fall sense of security. But now, all that remains is a broken world of triviality, a bird flies overhead, looks at it, and all it sees is a spec in one corner of a huge river.

Each river has its conquerer, except this river of time. God has created it in such a way that it can act as an antiseptic to wounds or provide a current to ride on but it cannot be overcome by humans. The reason probably is that all our goals our destinations are there along the way in the river, we've to work within the boundary to realise our dreams.

Annihilation.

2009-02-26T03:03:00.001+05:00

"From dehumanization to arms production,

for the benefit of the nation or its destruction,

power is power, the law of the land,

those living for death will die by their own hand,

life's no ordeal if you come to terms,

reject the system dictating the norms,

from dehumanization to arms production,

to hasten the nation towards its destruction,

its your choice, your choice, your choice,

peace or annihilation!"

a perfect circle

Bad hair day

2009-02-23T11:26:00.000+05:00

I love change, and i have variable hairdos every single day. For some reason i cant reincarnate any of my hairdos and eventually, everyday, they turn out different, variations of my own hair. That is a good thing and a bad one in itself. Good in a way that i dont have too many consecutive bad hair days. And bad in a way i dont have too many consecutive good hair days :(

i see so many people, some of my friends, who have such constant hairdos. It appears to me they take their hair off when they go home and stick it back on. Obviously not true, but seems really like it. Pamy, majid, butt, anas, and the list goes on, and i wonder why they dont get bored of their hairdos. Maybe its me who's weird, or maybe i forget what hairdo i had on the preceding day or something like that, short term memory loss...though i guess i use a pretty good brand of hair products, garnier is nice aint it? Not showing off, totally not...just wondering how to bring this bad hairday to an end. A little water?

weird stuff

2009-02-14T21:20:00.000+05:00

I always wonder about a lot of stupid things in my mind. Just pointless stuff that fascinates me, like when I take my glasses off I equate what I see to what a normal person would see on a computer screen with messed up pixels, or I always try to make sense out of the number plates of cars, phone numbers, id card numbers, roll numbers and every number that I come across, I try to connect stuff like that. Then sometimes, I just sit there, and try imagining time as a solid dimension and feel it passing through my very skin, gives me a creepy feeling that I sometimes like and sometimes don’t, depending upon what I had been doing in the preceeding moments. Sometimes I just lie on my bed late into the night and pray to God to give me a punctuated sleep so the night may seem longer than it does if you sleep soundly. Whenever sitting idle, I try to connect all the sounds around me, I try to imagine them as a part of one symphony played by time and space and almost everytime, I find a rhythm that keeps me occupied.
I wonder about lots of other weird stuff too, but at the end of the day it gets me absolutely nowhere. But I understood one important thing about myself from all the sessions I’ve had with myself, that the more I wonder, the more I am at ease with my own self. Its great to be around so many people, I realized the importance of friends many years ago, but its also extrewmely important to have yourself around you. To live a life where you are not emotionally dependent on any other human.
I know this is something that fundamentally seems impossible but it isn’t. we need to realize that whatever happens, people walk in and out of our lives. Some come closer to us than the others, but that is just state of mind, which is not impossible to alter. Time, as it passes, it alters the state of mind, it takes the effect of people out of it. Only when you stop being emotionally dependent on people can you break free of your little bubble. Otherwise, people, the closer they are, the stronger they bring you down if they do. But Allah has given all of us a parachute, so that when we are in freefall, we can always slow down. If we practice hard, we can even stop in mid air. That is the feeling that very few get to experience. To be able to stop in mid air, to free yourself from all forces, and that too taking advantage of your grief. That is one difficult stunt, but its not impossible. Grief and lonliness, we need to realise are just states of our fickle mind. They are nothing real, just reminders that yes you are alive. Like pain. Pain goes away as soon as you start ignoring it. Like itching, same thing. Like all other feelings that tend to bring you down. They carry with themselves a message, that you can break your fall, and you don’t need someone else to do it.
We should thank Allah that He has given us the ability to be emotionally and in all other ways dependent only on Him. In reality, we actually are, only we fail to realize. And we give so much attention to our own states of minds, that more often than not, give us false answers.
I’ve realized that humans, are all alike, they’re all like me. The only difference is that I can train myself to be always around for me, obviously with the help of Allah. But people will continue to walk in and out. I know, I’ve been downright dejected a number of times because of people, but I know that was a part of the learning process. Relationships, might continue, might end. You cannot waste yourself in hope or despair about people. There’s a lot more to tend to. This world, this universe is expanding, its growing, let’s not make our hearts smaller. Whatever happens, life goes on.

Fickle feelings

2009-02-12T02:17:00.002+05:00

Wandering around the streets of this city full of life,
the brightly lit embellished alleys of human joy,
sunshine of the most festive sun attempting to bathe me,
in its colours its hues all shades that seem high!

Yet my heart flinches at every step it flips and swirls,
fails to be one with the city of joy,
refuses to mingle with the mingle of emotions,
uneasy, awkward, fickle emotions it wont buy.

A faint yearning one of its kind,
one that looks for things beneath the skin, the cover thats so fake,
one that refuses to be one with the many,
the many who preach love yet nurture and hate.

I walk empty headed empty chested,
like a lifeless body floating on the sea of time,
yet i'm closer to this thing called life than them,
them who stopped searching and couldnot find.

Their smiles carry tears like their cupped hands,
their faces speak of joys but their hearts know its an illusion,
their eyes are pursed but mares try to penetrate,
what they mistake for satisfaction, is confusion!

I wonder how not caring can make you happy,
when something that enormous is missing from everything,
that something that turns these dreams to reality,
puts your heart at rest, true joy it brings.

Wandering around the streets of this city full of life,
i carefully look for what is missing,
but i see void all around me,
songs laborious their hearts refuse to sing.

I wonder if we can bring it back again,
i wonder if the world will ever laugh again,
the sunshine, when will it turn real?
These alleys i wonder, when will they see light once again.

Early morning images!

2009-02-09T09:33:00.002+05:00

My dad's reading the Quran. I've to interrupt him to ask for money and to say goodbye, he watches me do my hair and put on a cologne. Maybe he's thinking who am i doing all that for.

My neighbour, Uncle Abdul Raheem is standing outside his gate, in a shalwar and banyan, always doing something or the other, mostly to his small bunch of plants.

The aunty at the corner, is reversing her car out of the garage, going to drop her son hisham off to college. He cant hear properly, but i heard he's a pretty good footballer.

As i cross the gate of the TNT colony, which is adjacent to my street, i look at the Suzuki Dabba which i once had to push as it broke down early morning, and i feared getting late for the bus. In the end, i managed to catch the bus but had to catch my breath later.

At the end of the street, i've to turn right, but i take a look to the left, at that pretty girl's car standing outside her house. Sometimes there is some activity around the car, giving me a little hope of her glimpse but almost invariably, its her father cleaning the car or something. By that time, i get a little restless about my bus, because i've missed it many times due to my wandering spirit!

As i turn right, i see either salman uncle or his father cleaning their blue vespa scooter. Its always an awkward moment as i get confused between waving my hand or nodding my head or saying Salam aloud, but in the end, it never really matters. Either, they dont even look up, or even if they do, the eye contact lasts a second so its over before it starts.

Afnan's bhai's car is always being dusted outside his place. Once i asked him who does it, he said, they've hired a guy to do it,i wondered how khwar but then everyone has their means of earning attached to someone else's needs. Sometimes, just as i'm passing his house, afnan bhai steps out of his door and joins me for a short walk to our stop.

As i look to the left, there's the famous doongi ground, and it always carries a scene which i normally dont get to see anywhere else. There're people running with their dogs and surprisingly, with their lambs! Its a funny funny scene as the lambs pant to keep up with their owners and the owners pant to keep up with the dogs! respectively that is.

Finally, i see a trio walking towards me, 3 elderly uncles, always engrossed in some discussion or the other walk towards me. If they see me, we exchange greetings, but usually they're pretty busy. I only know one of these guys, the other two, i always wonder who they are.

And my bus stop is here. All the above images tag my way as i walk from my place to my bus stop which is hardly two hundred metres away. Its funny how detailed my surroundings are so early in the morning.

But one image i'm really scared of is the bus driving away and i can only watch it from a distance. This happens sometimes. Some freakin times.

Sheeshay

2009-02-07T00:39:00.003+05:00

I just came back home, was out with yasir and others. And i had the worst sheesha ever, and i'm goin sick sick sick sick...all hazy in the head...all sick in the guts...bitter sweet in the mouth...weak in the legs...Damn it...i'm sooooo dizzy..
So this sheesha gets me a little high. More than a little. I dont smoke thank God, maybe thats why i cant tolerate sheesha even. Generally it gets me all light headed but today was different it got me all heavy in the upper story and i sat in minigolf letting me head wander here and there and there and there telling stupid stories...

All that, because there's been stuff on my mind. i've been wondering if my blog has turned into a Personal Blog i mean i hardly post anything of interest to people, therefore my dwindling readership, but then again, sometimes giving an insight into your life enhances your readership, thats wat our news channels taught me.
City42, an addition to the hateful bunch of news channels reported yesterday
"meera ka challaan ho gya"
Damn it and that was a breaking news! Well, its not their idea of a joke i know, i know the channel pretty well they've been covering the stupidest stuff. So i was wondering about the entire scenario...

Cop: rukiye g
meera: yaas
cop: sheesha neechay karain
meera: window pehle hi open hai...aap btain what happened?
cop: apka challan hoga, 500 rupay ka, apkay sheeshay kaalay hain
meera (taking off her sunglasses): you mean my night sunglasses?
Cop: nae g, apki gari k sheeshe
meera: hmph, tmko pta hai may kon hun?
Cop: nae
meera: may meera hun, meera chaudhry
cop: meera chaudhry? Chaudhry kbse?
Meera: i mean i'm called meera only clear? Okay? Okay?
Cop: oh Acha, 1000 ka challan phir
meera: non sanse, may nae challan dungi
cop: madam ap parhe likhe logon ki tarah bat karain ap parhi likhi hain.
Meera: you two paisa man! May aitchison college se parhi hui hun, mje pta hai kaise tm logo k sath baat karni hai

the cop smiles within

cop: aur may kinnaird may zer-e-taleem hun
meera: tau? May ja rai hun
cop: bb, bahir a jain

meera, scared now, comes out.
Meera: daikhain bhai main ek ladies hun aise na karain janay dain
cop: but apke sheeshay kaalay hain
meera: tau?
Cop: illegal hai ye
meera: Acha daikho bhai mje nae pta tha, maine to is liay lagaya tha k mera rang na kharab ho.

The cop disregards everything and hands her the ticket. She takes it sits in the car, puts her sun glasses on. By the way its 9pm. Night it is,and she drives away. Life isn't easy for meera, being who she is. God save our film industry and our news channels.

How an Idle becomes idler.

2009-02-03T17:19:00.000+05:00

Love.

2009-02-02T01:09:00.002+05:00

I get up everyday for my university, lazily stagger to the washroom, say my fajr prayers and dressup and leave for the bus stop. I always wonder about you, about you getting up.
Whether you put your right foot out of the bed first or the left one. What do you think of first when you get up. I wonder whether you look in your wardrobe everyday deciding what to wear? I wonder how you gulp down your breakfast tellin your mom you're getting late and set out to your university.
I have a bad habit of wondering about you. I got this habit from a person called Love. He told me that people in love are people gifted. They can put themselves in the places of people they love and be one with them. He told me to try it. At first i didn't believe, but then it happened like it was natural. Intuitions turned into assurances, and i could feel one with you. Love also said that its not that difficult to separate yourself from the person you love, but its impossible to get away from Love himself. I didn't believe at first. But then i lost you.
I still wonder about you, i'm one with you. But you dont have a face. You dont have a body. You're just a walking incarnation of Love that i sometimes wonder about. I haven't forgotten Love, he still meets me sometimes, like the white bearded magician, it points towards different forms of you, but never forces me to fall for any.
Last time around i told Love: "this is no use, why do you change your subject every moment, when you know i wont fall for it so easily, why do you want to convince me like that?"
he replied : "because this way you'll know for sure what is your destiny, and who's your face. This is my way of telling you this is not the one for you. That you need to walk and walk, run in search of your own magnum opus."

An epic

2009-02-01T23:36:00.000+05:00

Roger Federer vs Rafael Nadal, Australian Open 2009 final.

4 hours 20 minutes

five sets

Rafa wins. The King loses.

At the awards ceremony:
roger: "ah, its killing me" and breaks into tears, a legend breaks into tears.

Rafa comes up, hugs him, consoles him like a brother, a friend, and
rafa: "i'm sorry roger, i know how you feel. But you know how big a champion you are, and you're one of the greatest in the history, and you will break Pete Sampras' record"

Rafa! You've won me over, love you for being so humble, and for loving the king and respecting him.

Roger! You're the king of tennis. No matter what happens, we love you!

All hail the King of Tennis, and the Matador!

P.s. I was close to tears as well...

Early morning music

2009-01-27T11:07:00.001+05:00

I wrote such a long post, sitting in the train, when suddenly my cellphone ran out of battery. How does it feel? Not too bad, because it was one of the most hopeful posts i've ever written if there is a post of that sort.

Anyways i'm going to pindi and then will be going off to muree inshaAllah from there.

The earlier post which obviously noone will ever see was about change and how i love it. And how getting over things feels like. Right now it feels on top of the world, hamza's still sleeping and imran's still reading mario puzo's dark arena, infact he just finished it, and i'm listening to pink floyd's comfortably numb. Lol, what an unapt song to listen to now, but i love it, and i dont love much of pink floyd just a couple of psychedelic rock songs is what i can normally get into my brain, lol.

This post is pretty different from the last one. Its goin to be about the songs i just listened to.Ummm,starting with some indian song called aja nachle, its a dance number and i always feel like swinging to the beat, then Dancing Jodi from rab ne bna di jodi, love it too, drifting away by faithless, fall for you by second hand serenade (jeddah gave me the song and i loved it), mezarkabul's those who died alone which is a wonderful wonderful composition..., katy perry's i kissed a girl (lol), reminds me of the video haha...hum hain iss pal yahan from the movie kisna, jay z's dirt off your shoulders...passive and orestes by a perfect circle, gardish by karavan, comfortably numb by pink floyd...numb encore...and most importantly, my favourite anthem of all times, One by Metallica...i love it, i love wat lars ulrich has done in this song, he's just a great drummer...sigh, the train's slowed down again, i wonder why, lets go and check out...its kharian!

PreudoNickography--My nicknames over the years.

2009-01-26T07:19:00.002+05:00

I've wanted to write this for a long time, though it might put my reputation on the line, but then again a blog is supposed to be pretty honest, isn't that so? Well, for some people, its quite personal, for me its funny. My nicknames. I never had a permanent nickname, one that all people would call me for a long time... But the nicknames i've had been quite funny, and these nicknames never fit me, or maybe that is what its like in my opinion only.
Anyways, i'll try to list down and explain all the nicknames i've had, i'll try to do so chronologically, and i hope i succeed in that. So here it goes:

Honey:
Blush blush..i dont know why i had this nickname, my old neighbours aunti fari, baber bhai and kanvel baji used to call me this. And i was pretty much a little kid at that time...so its understandable i remember quite little of it.

⁯
Hassu:
its obvious, pretty obvious. Hassu from hassaan. And it was given to me by maryam and maham, later sahar baji and other cousins started calling me this as well. I accepted that open heartedly.

Hussi:
damn i never knew that hassu could metamorphosize into this. Once asad, read hassu in my inbox, and tada...he and mohammad spread the word and some days later i was being called hussi! Which rhymes with a pretty objectionable word! With a pretty objectionable meaning!

Chira:
once during my O levels, i had a haircut. I came to school with my newly found spikes and i was greeted with the most irritating nickname me Chira, which is the young one me a bird. That was one nick i used to hate, and finally got rid of it.

Bhagwan:
now only 3 people call me that, and nomatter how much i tell them its not good to kid around with someone's religion, they wont stop. The history behind this is pretty complicated. Now a friend of mine once said "hassaan ki maths bohat ala hai". Now that particular friend of mine said that very thing on a number of different inappropriate occasions. So umair khan said "FRIEND X to hassaan ko bhagwan manta hai". Goldi and Leyla followed and the name stuck!

M.h.a:
well thats my self proclaimed nickname, i only realised my full name stands for this when i came to the uni. A few variations are also available.

Bachay:
zaeem baig's own variation of mha.

Armature:
amir shabbir's variation of mha.

Haks:
besides being my email address, haks became my football call for imran, and yes, abu talib calls me that. It has more to do with his being cool than considering me cool lol, abutalib that is.

Kitten:
one of my closest friends, mahru, calls me that, why? I dont know, i told that friend i'll be more happy with a tiger. I guess its coz of the moustache. Lol.

Muffin:
same as above. Though this is the lesser used one.

Guriya:
i had long hair, i wore a band playing football and i had a goal keeper called abdullah. He once said i looked like a guriya while playing, so the name stuck with him and the bajwas. I've to live with it. English translations like Baby Doll are also used.

Saana:
i call imran maana, he calls me saana.

One disadvantage me blogging from my cell phone is that i cant change the dont. So pardon me if the above was difficult to read. One advantage is that i can blog while i'm in my bus, on my way to the uni!

For Palestine.

2009-01-17T16:24:00.001+05:00

I saw this beautiful piece of poetry in a local magazine. This is by the great Faiz. Its beautifully written and is so full of feelings. As a tribute to the struggle of palestine, and to the people of palestine, those who live in this world, and those live in the other, i post this.

"Mein jahan bhi gaya arz-e-watan,

teri tazleel k daaghon ki jalan dil may liye,

teri hurmat ke chiraaghon ki lagan dil may liye,

teri ulfat teri yaadon ki kasak sath gayee,

teray naaranj shagoofon ki mehak sath gayee,

saaray undaikhay rafeeqonn ka jilo
sath raha,

kitne hathon se hum-aghosh mera hath raha,

dur pardais ki bay-mehr guzargaahon may,

ajnabi shehr ki bay-nam-o-nishan raahon may,

jis zameen par bhi khula mere lahoo ka parcham,

lehlahata hai wahan arz-e Falasteen ka 'alam,

tere a'ada ne kiya aik Falasteen barbaad,

mere zakhmon ne kiye kitne Falasteen aabaad."

Faiz Ahmad Faiz

Exams and More Important Issues

2009-01-15T16:09:00.001+05:00

I messed up, i messed up i messed up i messed up...i'm sooooo stupid...Damn it...i messed up my exam yet again...

Okay so this was question number two, it was balancing of reciprocating masses and blah blah...i messed it up first, cut out the whole question, did it again, happy that i'd get the whole ten marks, and when i came out, i found out that i, who was telling everyone to take angles anticlockwise had made that same basic stupid mistake...Damn it...and talk about theory, i knew none of it...so there goes my gpa...oh and btw the exam was mechanics of machines final...

Enough of the exam, i've decided that once its over its over...

To more important issues, i've to decide a new look for myself...the one i've thought of is more on the lines of Che Guevera, more appropriately my version of Che...so i've to grow my hair and beard...and i'm doing just that...an alteration is that i'm growing my moustache once again huhuhahaha...but i started to think when someone said to me "Hassaan have you dyed your hair?"...actually my hair turned dark brown from black, and then the front strands have started going lighter and lighter all thanks to football in the sun...obviously i'm not gonna do anything about it, but just as it is, it is a thing to worry about, because that adds to the white strands of hair i already have...and that gives my mom a reason to grill me for using gels and hairsprays...but all the above was just a prologue...the real issue, what look should i go for? All kinds of suggestions are welcome...

I cant believe i'm asking this question on my blog, lol, but i really am bored...

NATIONAL INTERESTS VS INTERESTS OF THE NATION

2009-01-11T15:55:00.001+05:00

Amongst all the cries of the crusade waged by Israelis, i find time to ponder. I ponder over all of us, i look into the hearts of the muslim nation. Or the muslim nations! Nations because we let ourselves to be ruled by the changing demands of our so called fickle national interests.

NATIONAL INTERESTS they say. Keeping quiet at such an atrocity, why? For national interests. Not condemning it full heart and soul, why? NATIONAL INTERESTS.

What is a nation?

Wasn't the muslim ummah supposed to be a nation? Ask anyone and everyone would answer that yes muslim ummah is a nation. Well it so is not.

Last week, Hugo Chavez, head of venezuela's government, decided to expel the ambassador of israel from venezuela. Why? Because he said he was one with the people of palestine, supported them and as a protest he cut diplomatic ties.

Venezuela isn't a muslim nation. Its not even near palestine. They have nothing in common. Then where did their national interest go?

Actually, our leaders and our people abuse the term national interest. If we cared about national interests we'd raise a firm cry against the atrocities committed by israel. Yes our people are rising in their ranks, though not exactly united but they are. But when we look at the attitude of our governments, everything comes down like empty foam.

Pakistan, Kuwait, Saudi Arab, U.A.E, Oman, The central Asian republics, Egypt, Jordan, and so many other rich countries, sit, watch, request the WEST to put pressure on Israel. Why? Because they're too worried about their separate national interests to care about the real interests of the NATION. You question, what is this real interest? This is unity, this is morality. Our nations have been robbed of morality, of pride, of unity, its funny you call us NATIONS when actually that is an exact opposite to what the concept of NATION is. The gulf countries care about their relations with the US, so do we. National interests. Huh.

We watch when our brothers, our sisters, our sons daughters mothers fathers are butchered. We watch their blood drip slowly. Our arab countries watch it being neutralized by the dark colour of oil. Pakistan cannot say anything because obviously our rulers consider the US a close ally and thinks US is playing a part in stopping Israel. Ha, what an oxymoron.

First, we were separated into NATIONS ideologically, then our interests separated, and now our morals, our emotions. Its a crusade we need to understand. Afghanistan, Iraq, palestine, who knows what next. And we have ourselves to blame.

Geographical boundaries are not there to divide our hearts, they're there to tell the world that yes, more than 70 countries in the world form a muslim nation.

I detest our leaders. They're epitomes of ruthlessness and helplessness. But its important to remember our leaders come out from amongst us.

Bravo mr zaradari for honouring Richard Boucher and Joe Biden with Hilal-e-Quaid-e-Azam, i bet the Quaid would be proud.

Thanx for spitting in all our faces.

And to all the muslim leaders, kudos, did you even remember this ayat of the Quran?
"and hold fast altogether to the rope of Allah and donot be divided amongst yourselves"

your majesties! did you even care to read the Quran before setting out to rule us?

Darkness

2009-01-06T20:37:00.001+05:00

These past few days have been marked with the blood of hundreds of palestinians, and with the rubble of the city of Gaza. The first day of the attack, the news channels showed heartwrenchingly gory scenes, of bodies lying in a scatter and people carrying their loved ones the nearby hospitals.
A week later, the situation has worsened, and its sickening. The world watches one country bomb another to ruins, literally to ruins. The victim's so called brothers, playing silent bystanders to the show, trying to condem the oppressor, scared of unknown consequences, or maybe just being diplomatic. Noone dares to make a move, or make a strong statement, why? Noone knows why, maybe thats how the world is now, we are so divided that we cannot even come together to save a brother. Perhaps we're all concerned about our own benefits that we wont achieve, we all know that in our heart of hearts.

I know from experience that the silence of friends is much more painful than the actions of our enemies.

Two days ago, i saw more disturbing images on tv. Images that brought my heart down like the buildings of gaza. The first clip was that of the hospitals of Gaza. They were all in mayhem, people lying everywhere, on beds, on the floor and the rest in arms of their loved ones. The reporter said there's a shortage of medicines, space and if the situation continues, power will be cut off from these hospitals. I wondered like i wonder a lot of times that what it would feel to be in the skin of the palestinian father who held his son with a deformed face, covered in blood and flesh exposed. Seriously, the feeling was that of rage.
The second clip was that of the city of Gaza, or what remained of it. They were coming down to their foundations, after tolerating tons of gunpowder and metal. The city already appeared in ruins, it seemed uninhabited and uninhabitable, there was no sign of life at all. The reporter said that there was no electricty in the entire city, and it had become the city of darkness. The images painted the dark picture.
But all this was nothing compared to the last piece of news, one that i saw in The News. A picture of half the page rested in the middle of the story and that picture said more things than a thousand words could've said. That picture was of 5 bodies wrapped in white cloths, the sizes of the bodies all different. The story was that of a family, which had to witness the deaths of five of the daughters of the house! Their ages 2 to 15 years old! I wondered which side of collateral damage were they on. I was surprised how the Israeli Terrorists had taken such an act of tyranny in their stride. But most of all i was worried about our silence! 5 beautiful children, bombed. An entire city reduced to ruins thrown into darkness.

Maybe its not Gaza or the people martyred over there that're the biggest casualties. In actuality our nation, our unity have been bombed. All of us have been thrown into darkness.

Its not the five girls who are dead, they've been martyred, hence they'll live. Its us, who have failed to live. All of us.

2009-01-02T16:28:00.000+05:00

I just opened the creat a new post wali window and closing it back. I've so much in my mind but somehow, i really dont have what it takes to bring it out.
In other words i'm procrastinating...lol...

Grrr

2008-12-26T12:04:00.001+05:00

Sometimes you wait for something all the time, you do what-not in anticipation, you dont get rewarded.

I texted in that radio show, took 24 rs, drove all the time roaming around the streets just waiting for my text but the stupid RJ didn't care to read my text. Grrr. i'm steaming.

Your car, and cars like yours!

2008-12-21T11:00:00.000+05:00

I think i'm over you.
But whenever i see a car like yours, i try to look who's sitting inside. Expecting to see you.
But you're never there.
I dont even remember your car's plate number, and thats the best thing about it.
Every car that looks remotely like yours gives me a certain painful hope.
I find it unbelievable. The world is small, yet, our paths never crossed once you didn't want them to cross.
I dont know when i'll stop, when i'll think of every car that looks like yours like any other car. When the maroon color of it wont remind me of happy times.
I tell myself i'm over it. I am. Its just the smaller things.

Sometimes one likes to life in the smallest inklings of painful hope. Its good to keep your heart in practice. HOPE, DESPAIR, HOPE, DESPAIR. They say that way, the heart learns to handle despair in the long run!

Chirri Urri

2008-12-18T19:27:00.002+05:00

Its so funny we’re living our childhood all over again. Lol. You know, those little games we used to play when we were very young, little nonsensical games, beating each other up in the football ground (beating hamza up), doing bhangra whenever we hear the beat, talking non sense all the time and what not. I believe this is because of a realization we all had a few months ago, that after two more years, everything would change. We’ll be engineers inshaAllah, and we’ll all be stepping into our professional lives. So in order to preserve what we have, we probably stepped into this mode of ours and probably got a taste of childhood alive too. Maybe we were always like this, its only that now I feel I’m going to miss all this that I’m paying special attention to it.
We played the game “Chirri Urri” today. To explain to people who do not know its played when all the players put their index fingers in the middle, and one of them shouts, “Chirri Urri, Kawwa Urra, Kutta Urra” (Sparrow Flew, Crow flew, Dog Flew). All the other players lift their fingers if the animal flies (Sparrow, Crow) and keep the fingers in their place if the animal doesn’t fly (Dog etc). simple as that. But we added a twist, we said the person who makes a mistake has to choose b/w truth and dare.

Now the centre of all such games is usually my very dear friend hamza

So here goes the story of what happened in the bus today (we normally sit at the very entrance of the bus):

Mha: “Chal imran chirri uri khelain”
Imran: “Chal hamza, truth or dare jo haar gya”
Hamza: “Nai yaar maine nai khelna” (A very wise decision)
Imran: “Yar bakwas na ker hamza, leechar na ban”
So finally after much prodding we start. Imran whispers something into my ear and the game then starts.
Imran: “Kutta urra”
We all keep our fingers still
Imran: “Gaey urri”
Fingers still there
Imran: “Chirya urri”
Hamza lifts his finger and me and imran keep it there
Mha: “Haha haar gya”
Hamza: “Kya matlab??”
Imran: “Chirya k par katay huay thay, it couldn’t fly…”
Hamza looks bewildered.
Mha: “chal ab truth ya dare??”
Hamza: “Truth”
We then ask hamza a very very embarrassing question that makes him go tomato…haha
We start again after another whisper from imran.
Imran: “Chirriya urri”
We all lift our fingers
Imran: “Tota (Parrot) Urra”
We lift them again
Imran: “gaey urri”
We keep our fingers still
Imran: “Kutta urra”
Imran and me lift our fingers while hamza, shocked, keeps it there.
Hamza: “kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa???”
Mha: “Kutta jahaz pe tha…wo urr gya”
And then hamza is asked another MORE embarrassing question, which isn’t fit for my blog hehe….
We start again, this time, we decide to make it fair. So imran makes the first mistake.
Mha: “ohooooo” (Trying to pity imran)
Imran: “Truth”
Mha: “acha tum ghar ja k pehle kya karo gay”
Imran: “khana khaoon ga”
Hamza looks at us in anger
Hamza: “yaar ye kia sawal tha??? Mujse kaisay kaisay sawal kiay thay???”
Imran: “to tum ker laitay”
And once again hamza is left speechless.
For the last time we start, after imran’s customary whisper in my ear.
Imran: “chirri uri”
Imran: “Kawwa urra”
We notice hamza is copying our movements. His finger does what our finger does. Hmmm…intelligent, I thought. He even kept his finger down on Quail (we kept it down too) and lifted it on Deer.
Imran: “Gaey urri”
We all lift our finger up, hamza just a tad bit late
Mha: “tunay late kia hai”
Hamza: “to kia to hai na…hahaha” (laughing at his triumph)
Imran: “Acha chal ye bta, Gaey (Cow) kiu urri???”
Hamza’s caught off guard. Genius. We’re geniuses.
Hamza: “Wo jahaz pe hi??”
Mha and Imran: “naiiiiiiiiii….wo flying carpet pe thiiiiiiiiiiiii”

We give eachother a high five, and hamza prepares himself, quietly, for another embarrassing question!

Coming back to blogging

2008-12-17T19:34:00.001+05:00

Yes i'm a procrastinator. A big one. I've been wanting to come back to my blog for a long time, but i'd always leave it off to a certain tomorrow, which obviously would never come. And these days have been so whirlwind that i never had the time for a mini catharsis of sorts. I'd wake up and the next thing i'd know, i'd be texting someone from withing my blanket. Such are the days of winters.
University has been highly unhappening. I say that because its common knowledge amongst all people who know me that university is one thing is love and look forward to. But its been different these days. For many reasons. I'm really not at ease with it these days. The fight we had over the weeks before the last two, internal troubles, lack of football and various small things have lead to it. To top it off, exams are round the corner, and i dont know zilch about refrigeration and airconditioning, engineering statistics and environmental engineering. I haven't even attended classes Damn it!
Anyways i didn't really want to complain and whine, by prior experience i've come to the realisation that every semester this happens, so whats the point in crying?

Eid was okay. Not the usual merry merry eid though i was so excited as i'd get three days to dress up! But sadly, i only dressed up the first day. The next two days were just normal days. I had three shalwar qamiz planned for the three days. First day a brownish white one, black for the second and grey for the third one. Such wishful thinking. Sorry if i sound like a girl.

Had a bbq at danish's place later last week. Was fun. Lets not talk about old stuff.

Politically, we've all been on our flash points. Sorry, politically and emotionally. Our media, most of it, has disappointed us to such an extent that i stopped watching tv. Over the last few days, we've been accepting allegations without seeking proof and our media has been stupid enough to not give the country any cover. Someone said that media is serving the indian interests, most of it atleast, but i believe its just the way our minds have been moulded, into the conspiracy theory mode. Noone knows for sure whats true and whats not.
I really believe that we should've looked for proof before actually apprehending pakistanis. Its an example of such poor diplomacy on the international level and such confusion and apologetic attitude at the local level. Not to mention, the lack of national pride and sovereignity.
But whats the point in talking about all this? There is a point. Atleast we can all show how sick are we of the current civilian dictator! Its not even worthy of being called leadership, its such a sham, such non sense.
As its obvious from the above ranting, i'm back!

Need your prayers

2008-11-29T17:46:00.000+05:00

I dont know how many people read this, but whoever does, pray for me. I'm in deep deep shit. Pray the jeopardy ends really soon, or its gonna give me a nervous breakdown!

Adadmjmangpmujwjwmtjn

2008-11-26T22:03:00.001+05:00

Highs and lows are parts of our lives. Those who fail to accept this fact cannot come out of life unscathed. They get scratched and bruised by their own very actions.

The following post might be the stupidest most non sensical i've ever written, but it has to come out.
The past two weeks have been full of hardwork. Of every kind. Physical mental everything. We've tested ourselves to the limit. Lived days on 2 hour naps, conducted 6 matches in a day and played in one even, ran like idiots, argued, fought with people and what not. It been a discovery of each other and our ownselves. As a team, we've realised a lot of important things. We've been thrown to the ground and we've picked ourselves up. But thats not even the point. There was more at stake at this league than the reputation of our team. Much more.
We've been brought on the brink of nervous breakdowns by most of the teams. It seemed that most of the teams were here just to kick our butts, to insult us, to play havoc in our tournament. Its so sickening to believe that each one of them wanted to spoil the very tournament that has managed to turn around football at uet..deep down they rever us, but they're too stuck up to accept it. Pity them. We took an initiative, and they wanted to put hurdles at every point.
But we tolerated everything. Just for the sake of football. We tolerated allegations against us, threats and what not, just for football. We worked our assess off these twelve days, ignored our families, put our lives on hold, just for football and these f***ing people, and this is what it had to come out as? The very climax, has not only been turned into an anticlimax, but its broken all our hearts. Its not even going to happen. Its like a mountain is going to miss its zenith, its so ugly. It really hurts, we worked hard to bring the uet football league to this point and just because of the lack of sportsmen spirit of a few people, its all crashing down.
We're yet to encounter real men, who know how to win and how to lose. I dont know if we have in us the energy for more of these leagues in the future. Right now, there's so much we've to think about.

That true feeling

2008-11-18T21:33:00.000+05:00

A light
like the stars
bright
yet not blinding

a voice
like the sea
clear
yet not deafening

a touch
like the wind
firm
yet not dominating

so binding
yet setting you free
so saddening
yet so pleasing

A force
so strong
it conquered everything
so powerless
it failed to exist
in so many.

Uet football league Diary

2008-11-17T01:20:00.001+05:00

Aj i finally blew up at the Electrical 06 team. Its been 3 leagues and they've been sore losers and cry-baby winners. They've a problem with the smallest of decisions and refuse to accept the biggest ones. Even today they got the whole match into a big mess. I dont understand this, how can people be so paranoid? They believe we, the organisers, are always trying to pull their legs. Comeon man, i told them, we're better than that. I gave each of them a lecture on sportsman spirit which i believe they turned a deaf ear to but what else could i do? There was this one particular guy who even had reservations when i called the ball out, i had to shout at him during the match "you stop playing and take my place on the sideline"
there were so many other problems too. I fear its gonna get messier. We all love football, its 13 teams this time, but some of us think we're bigger than the game. But like the great Maradona said
"no players is bigger than the game"
i hope people understand this, and start playing for the love of the game. For its one thing that brings us all together, its one strong binding force between all of us. Although we all fight, and argue, but at the end of the day, if we realise we belong to the same fraternity. Yes it really is a fraternity, finally at uet it is. Its bigger than any of the societies and its much more active. We just need to inculcate more sportsman's spirit.

Sorry this post wasn't meant to be this mild and mellow. I was Pissed off so bad, but whatever, it'll do for now.

I REALLY HATE SORE LOSERS. Even more than inconsiderate winners.

Selected stuff from sober, by tool

2008-11-15T03:00:00.000+05:00

"I'm just a worthless liar,
I'm just an imbecile,
I will only complicate you,
Trust in me and fall as well,
I will find a centre in you,
I will chew it up and leave,
I will work to elevate you,
Just enough to bring you down,
Trust me,
Trust me..."

(TOOL)
some lines from the song sober

The not so purani jeans

2008-11-14T07:05:00.000+05:00

Uet is the home of fashion...not.
Uet is the home of fashion disasters!
Now i'm not really fashionable or very updated person in that regard but there's one thing i know. TIGHT SKIN FITTING JEANS LOOK EWWW ON GUYS.
Firstly these jeans are out of fashion and secondly, man they're ugly. Anyways, lets not be too narrow minded, okay okay...everyone has a different choice. But there's a certain level of obnoxiousness that we're bound to avoid, or say, we should avoid.
Sorry the next few lines will be a little explicit but so are the tight jeans.
So i get off the bus, and in the midst of a sea of people getting off their respective buses, i see guys' legs and buttocks. So many, so similar. The jeans are defining their buttocks so well that you can actually differentiate the two sides. OMG. Infact it seems that area is accentuated. Then, the groin area is highlighted by the tight jeans, completing the highly explicit look. My friend says uet has very advanced thinking, and if guys can wear this kind of jeans then i cant disagree.
According to a friend, these people have to lay down infront of the tailor and they tell him to stitch the jeans on their bodies, or they use a polythene bag to help them slide the jeans up. Either way, it even looks uncomfortable.
Yes, you can see very clearly how many people LOOK uncomfortable. The jeans becomes the second skin and continues till the thick sole boots, how can you even walk in all that? The worst part is the number of accessories that come with jeans these days. A million pockets in the strangest of places, creases, prints, fake fades, scorpions, text, and on a recent entree i even saw a chain going from one side of the buttocks to the other (looked as if the guy's behind was gonna run away). Now i probably wouldn't have had any problem with all this, until i realised that people were trying to talk me into wearing that stuff too.
Everytime i go to buy a pair of jeans, i've to tell the salesmen again and again that i want a SIMPLE jeans. SIMPLE, to them is so out of fashion. So they always show me the blingy ones. Then, they're never the easy-on-the-baggy-side cut that i love, they try to hug my thighs and legs and i refuse to surrender. So i come back home unscathed, and empty handed. When this happened to me the first time i realised i have to raise my voice against this indecency and injustice and to bring down the movers and shakers and perpetrators of this movement that intends to destroy the style sense and behinds (they're so tight you can get those nappy rashes i guess) of guys of pakistan. Help me in this struggle.

A tale of 2 decisions

2008-11-13T17:06:00.001+05:00

Imran: yar hamza k sath lakshmi chalay jao poster lene bike pe aya hai

me: yar tu chala ja mje rasta nae ata

imran: nae muje b rasta nae ata. Maine bus pe jana hai seedha ghar. Jaws ko keh day.

Me: jaws chala ja yar

jaws: nae. May thaka hua hun

me: kitna chawal hai tu. Hamza ye raseed (receipt) pakar aur lay a please akela ja k.

Hamza: apne pas rakho may akela nae jaon ga

me: yar koi to kaam kar dia kar.

Hamza: mje rasta nae pta may bike pe ghar ja raha hun. Khudahafiz.

(hamza walks away to the motorcycle stand while we board the bus)

imran (to afnan bhai): yar plz ap chalay jain

afnan bhai: 100 rupay do

me (aloud, like making an announcement): yar lakshmi bari mashhoor jaga hai lahore ki ko jana chahta hai to chala jae

(a new giggles from here and there, the bus begins to move)

imran: yar tu aur may chalte hain, hamza se kehte hain bus pe a jae

me: han yes. Chal utar

imran: oye ab wo kbi nae pohanch sakta bus pe. May utar jata hun bus se may chala jata hun.

Me: han sae

(i think)

me: nae may jata hun

imran: nae may

me: may utar raha hun

(i call up hamza)

me(on the phone): hamza may gari shahu utar raha hun mje pick karlena.

(i hang up)

imran: tu ja raha hai phir?

Me: han...nae

imran: okay i'm going

me: ja...nae nae may ja raha hun

imran: acha sae

me: kya?

Imran: k tu ja raha hai

me: o nae may reh raha hun.

Imran: dono chalte hain

me: pagal bike pe 3 bnday kaise bethen gay? You know policewale hote hain

imran: chal phir sochlay

(the bus reaches garhi shahu, stops at the signal. I get off)

me: ok Khuda Hafiz

(the bus begins to move and imran jumps off it as well)

me(running after imran): wat the...?

Imran: may b ja raha hun

me: o pagal may ja raha hun. Hum 3 log kaisay bethe gay?

(imran thinks for a second)

imran: bus agay dubara ruki hai pakar len?

Me: chal

(we walk towards the bus and it starts moving)

(we look at eachother laugh hysterically and sit down on the pavement. Waiting for hamza)

we later realise the imran had the receipt at that time so if i had got off all alone it would've been futile to go there.

Moral of the story:
1) hamza is an idiot, he made us wait
2) decisions should be made and stuck with
3) triple sawari is not easy when you've to avoid hundreds of policemen from lakshmi to modeltown
4) lakshmi is pretty distant from model town
5) jaws is seriously lazy
6) the pavement is at normal temperature these days
7) once you can see the bus moving and the distance between you and the bus is more than ten metres, then its no use following the bus (i learnt it quite long ago. The HARD WAY!)

Walking

2008-11-11T22:25:00.001+05:00

Its surprising everywhere i go i realise that place is a world in itself. Be it uet, lakshmi, or even the railway residential colonies i walked through today. Every place has different sights and sounds.
A chore lead us to this part of Lahore i'd never been to. It was the Railway office complex or something. Actually its not far away from the railway station (and we've been there millions of times) but its tucked in behind a maze of "galis". When i finally got there i realised there literally was a world going about its daily routine irrespective of the outside world. We had to meet someone.
From the outlook, it seemed pretty rusty. Everything seemed rusty and old and in shabby condition. But when we entered the office, we were surprised by the pure wood walls and a mahogany table and an lcd screen. The owner of this was some bigwig and was pretty presentably. Anyways, we then walked all the way to the station, again through a complex maze of pathways, going through small quarters.
The railway station has always fascinated me. I love the locomotives, they ooze power and strength. And after seeing what each and every integral part looks like during the industrial tour, it has increased my fascination.
We had to meet the station superintendent at the station. Met him and walked to the other part of the area, crossing a big bridge that overlooks all the platforms, walking through more mazes, through a huge residential area with small quarters for houses, all of yellow color. I was surprised to see so many people leaved in that place. Thats when i realised i haven't seen anything. Thats when i realised the insignificance of my own knowledge.
I walked a lot today. But i thoroughly enjoyed it. I wasn't alone and we talked all the way. But what i really enjoyed was absorbing the sights and sounds of each place i went to today.
In the evening, we had to go to lakshmi. And again, the same feeling crept in, that i know is nothing at all...i'd like to mention the very very tasty kashmiri tea i had there..was great huhuhahaha...but i still haven't had bhatti ki karahi :(...i wanna have it right now...

Aaj kal

2008-11-10T00:58:00.000+05:00

Hmmm...finally exams are over. These were probably the worst exams of my life. Probably i'll score okay inshaAllah, but thats not the point. The point is that everything i did in my exams, every question i did, i knew it. I'd do everything right but when i'd come out, i'd realise it was all wrong. It happened in the first, the second, the third and then the fourth exam. I was so disappointed before the last exam that i studied with only half my heart. Its funny i fell asleep preparing while my friends were solving questions close by. Lol. Talk about not caring. I didn't know crap. Anyways, the bottomline is that i'm done.
The donation thing has come out beautifully MashaALLAH. My last post is related to this incase you people wondered. The Vice Chancellor pitched in with his donations too. Now wats left is the transportation and distribution to the earthquake affectees. I wanted to go to ziarat too, dad permitted me. But as it turns out, i'll have to miss so many days of university if i go, which i cannot afford at this point of time.

Heyyy, we visited AsgharAli after such a long time and were greeted by the obvious raise in prices. For people who dont know, its a place that sells original arabic perfumes, imported direct from Bahrain. They're very exotic, very different and very cool. I got one today as well, its called Dahnal Oud, it has a very Arabic smell. I always noticed a corner in the shop that i never went to. Today i came to know why. There was an Itar, made of Oud (its some kind of base smell), 12ml of which cost 42000 rupees. Yes i'm not lying and you've read the figure correctly. 42000. I tested i today finally. Its good. Lol. I love perfumes. But who doesn't then?
Anyways, like i say, busy days begin. Ufl (uet football league) is about to start soon inshaAllah. And there are matches in the next three days inshaAllah as well. So its all busy busy but its good i guess. I really wanna sleep now. Enough of my ranting. Well wait let me put something worthwhile in this post to make reading this a tad bit useful. Ummmm
ummm
umm
um

yeah, metallica's "ONE" is probably the greatest metal anthems ever. I've loved it for so long, the Live version is even better. Do give it a listen. Its beautiful. And btw, i'm listening to A PERFECT CIRCLE again these days. I think now i understand their music more than i did before. I think i know what is Art Metal. Its so TOOLISH (obviously it has some of TOOL's band members) and its intense.

Thankfulness

2008-11-08T16:11:00.001+05:00

I'm really happy today. I love times like these, when my belief that "when you have the passion and determination for something, nothing in the world is impossible" is strengthened. When you're ready to fight for what you believe in, Allah helps you in each and every way. To succeed at each and every point of your life, you only need Allah's help and lots of determination, lots of belief in yourself. Excuses like difficult circumstances and non cooperation of authorities or corruption in the system is all bullcrap. People make these excuses because they dont trust God to put all these things right. And God certainly will clear every hurdle once you're determined to work and seek help in the earnest of fashions. Allah has made each of us very powerful, capable of accomplishing every task we wish to. But humans have strayed from their real abilities. Most of us have atleast.
But there's still lots of hope.

Thank You Allah for giving all of us the courage, the determination, the chance and most importantly the "TAUFEEQ" for working for this cause. Maybe we, the youth of today, are still alive. All we need is your help, and lots of determination. ThankYou for waking us up today Oh Allah. We need ONLY your help, at every point of our lives. ONLY your help Allah!

Some of uet's nicknames

2008-11-03T06:28:00.000+05:00

I was thinking of wat to do, them i started thinking about some of the nicknames we use at uni. I realised that they're actually funny, but since we use them so often or they're used so often infront of us that we've perhaps gotten used to the stuff. The explanation of these names can be given later sometime, right now i'm just listing some of them. I dunno if this is a good way, because i cant format much from my cell phone. This is the best, most easiest way i can post them in as of yet...here we go (not all would be funny but they're all very apt i tell you):

Party
Maana
Saana
Jozi Bhai
Chuss
Big B
Shopper
Zoobarr
Chhota
Lamb
Poly
Charsi
Atom Bomb
Faani
Teddy
Billa
Tandrust
Model
Billa Theeta
Chabbal
Uncle
Taahar
Cheel
Ghairoo
Seriously
Jugnoo
Paaro
Cousin
MCP
Umar Altaf
Bonus
Jeela
Dangar
Chhatra
Saeen
Gadha
Gift
Urri Baba
Mohabbat Man
E-Stud
Jani
Queens Road
AB
Soota
Chaudry
Pami
Paindoo
Pakistani
Cool Boss

and the best of them all
"Mir Chucky Mir"

and "Captain m.h.a" (haha, this is not one nick to be proud of, and i dont claim it to be mine, there's a story behind the captain, ofcourse there's nothing wrong with m.h.a, that stands for my initials, the real joke is in the captain thingy...lol...)

A dream

2008-11-02T02:28:00.001+05:00

The days fly by so quickly. You wake up everyday and you think about getting dressed. And the next time you get a chance to think, you're thinking about getting undressed to sleep! How cruel of us to have entangled ourselves within ourselves so much that all we do is serve our needs. All we think is about us only. We look for a silver lining in every cloud. We've formed such small worlds around us, that we'll never fix, but they dont want to risk that world as well. My greatest dream is to be free from my own self. To break out from this small world of mine, to step into the big one. Not only step, but work for it.
That day we were discussing Che Guevera at the uni when imran said "people like him had no families to care for" but i told him, sacrifice is the first pre requisite to success and greatness. If we in Pakistan cannot muster a movement, a revolution against the tyrant feudals, or the filthy rich, or foreign pleasing politicians, its because we are not ready to make sacrifices.
People like lenin, guevera, mandela, khomeni were great because the broke free from their small worlds. Had they refused to do it, Russia, Cuba, South Africa and Iran would've totally different.
Actually, my dad said something to me which initially i misunderstood, but now i get it. He said "mediocre bnda kabi agay nae jata/a mediocre person never succeeds" . I thought with all respect it was shallow of my dad to consider a man's status or intelligence as his requisites for success. But i later realised, he never meant that. A mediocre person will be someone, who does something, and does it halfheartedly. One who plays safe. One who is so attached to his small world that he refuses to take any step which might disturb the balance in it. One who's not ready to make sacrifices. Such people cannot succeed in the true sense. Earning money is not success, having the heart to help this world is.
People like Martin Luther king jr. dedicated all their lives to their beliefs. To their dreams. People say "he gave his life for the cause", but thats so untrue. Infact, that is what precisely life is actually. To be able to live out your dreams, and help out this world. The greater world.

My greatest dream is to have such a life, where i go to sleep each day knowing i played a little part in making life easier for people. Where i wake up, promise to give my heart and soul to everything i do, to free myself from me. Where i would be free from my own small world. Thats my dream.

I pray:
"Ya Rab dil-e-Muslim ko wo zinda tamanna day,
jo qalb ko garma day, jo rooh ko tarpa day"

2008-10-31T00:44:00.001+06:00

Its been a long time since i wrote an upbeat post, and things are not gonna change i think. Its a long phase i think where i can only write dark/glum/sad posts. Lol. Very funny.
Anyways, one reason for not blogging as much as i used to is that if i blog these days, it will be about my daily life, or what i feel about it, and i think i want to spare my gracious readers the trouble of living my life as well as their's.

Like they say "zindagi wich pehle kam maslay nay"

anyways, i was wondering today, is it pure luck that both of the recent earthquake incidents took place in october? The news bulletin has been so sad of late, bringing deaths of more and more people everytime. Wats happening around us? Its all so confusing yet so clear.

I've to work against my eyelids to keep awake. I'm so lazy i could put myself to shame anyday.

Blah

2008-10-29T01:46:00.001+06:00

Its around 2a.m. I'm in my bed but i dont think i want to sleep. I feel strangely fresh, though as my sister rightly pointed out i dont get much sleep. I wonder Hows the weather outside. Must be good, was good a while ago. Ah Damn, there's the roadblock, my mind's stuck. Sigh. Sorry this is just a lame post.

RUHE

2008-10-28T09:09:00.001+06:00

I believe good music is that which you can associate a feeling with effortlessly, and whenever you listen to it, you get that feeling coming right through. For this reason, i despise most of the new artists who're stepping into the genre of alternative or punk rock, as they're bombarding us with totally heartless superficial music that consists of predefined guitar riffs and drums that lack punch. Most of the stuff by most of these artists feels so superficial to me, but i accept everyone has different tastes in music and its not worth arguing on this matter.
Right now, lets come to the issue of the post.
Though i'm a real big rock and metal fan, i like to experiment with different stuff. The following is not really experimentation but i stumbled upon this song.
I liked Schiller after i heard the song "I Feel You" which is a very very nice song and fits the above criteria so well. I tried his other tracks but didn't like them much back then. But then, a cousin gave me this other song called "RUHE".
Instantly i fell in love with this song and the song grew on me. The electronic/techno composition is literally very soulful. The song starts off with soft bamboo like percussions, that are composed in a beautiful beautiful but simple simple manner. Then, the song grows into a simple composition which sounds almost familiar even when you hear it for the first time. Infact, i believe many of us would remember hearing it in the background of lots of tv programmes though i cant remember which ones. Even the german lyrics, which are few and far between sound perfect.
But i still haven't mentioned the best thing about this song. This song has a very confused feeling attached to it. A bit of nostalgia, a bit of sadness, just very little hope, this song gets you thinking if you do try to understand the music you listen to. Generally, when i'm listening to song, i try to picturise it, in the form of a video. For this song, i've been thinking of some picturization, something to give it a body, but all i can imagine are memories, that make you sad. Its like images taken from your past arranged in the form of slides, mixed with blurred images of vast green fields, and raindrops, everything glum, and the images change very rapidly, so rapidly you dont get much time to contemplate. Thats how i visualise it.
By the end of the song, the electronic beats get more intense, and the little lyrics that are there sound more intense even when you dont understand german.
I'm in love with this song and the feelings it provokes.

The actual video of the song is not good. Dont watch the video. Do give this song two or three rounds of play, you'll just love it. Its beautiful.

Btw, i think i like schiller now, i downloaded all of his albums, which includes 10 versions of i feel you, lol...
Btw, i've lots of music related posts in my mind.

2008-10-27T06:33:00.000+06:00

Waaaaaaannnh monday is here again. That marks an end to another weekend. Time's flying by so fast i believe we're in fast forward mode. Exams draw near. I know zilch about four out of five subjects. Thats coz this semester, attending classes has not been the order of the days, or the whole semester. And the ones i've attended, i've slept thru :s...
Waaaaaat, this is such a boring woring life. Just uni and back to my place. Nothing else. Nothing that i can call remotely constructive. I wanted to do so much stuff on my computer but thanx to the wapda people i'm always left planning. And its scary, that lights would go out all of a sudden erasing all your unsaved data. Damn it. Thats happened so many times.
Its strange times anyways, i feel all grown up. People ask my mom "oh ap iski shadi kb karain gi" haha, and the answer has shrunk from ten years to one two three or something. Damn that really means i've grown up.

I've to make an important decision today. Whether to attend the refrigeration and airconditioning classes or not. I dont want to, its not like i'll understand anything. If i attend it'll be for my moral satisfaction. Lol.

I'm so wasted.

Droplets of time

2008-10-22T23:53:00.001+06:00

The water drips unhindered. The sound, sweet in the beginning starts to grow louder, it appears to grow louder atleast. I know that because i know the distance between the mouth of the tap and the wash basin is not changing, neither is the size of the drop. So why does the sound of the drop hitting the surface appear to be louder every passing moment? Not only that, all the other sounds begin to fade into the back ground every passing second. Its like your ears and your mind are trying to focus on that tip blip tip of the droplets. Your mind shuns all other thoughts to identify the rhythm in that simplest of sounds, to decipher its meaning which doesn't even exist. Normally, the mind would tell itself that fact, but even the mind is demoted to the back seat. You think that this is probably the only sound there is, or probably the only dominant sound. You think this is what matters to you at this moment, and your mind isn't there to tell you you're wrong. You feel it growing on you, when suddenly, the sound blends into the environment. Its no more distinct, its no more isolated from every other sound. You cannot even make out separate drops now, and slowly, it fades back to wherever it came from. And tries to go back to normal. But the mind refuses to take the change immediately. You can still imagine the sound of the droplets, when its no longer there. But eventually even that goes away.

Life strangely goes on in the above fashion. People and moments fall from the tap of fate into your past like droplets, most of them meeting the same end. But the negligible distance through which they fall is the present.

You look into the basin and find a really small depression, into which a small quantity of water, around 3 4 drops, has accumulated. Atleast that'll remind you of the sound of the drops, and that they did fall.

Some things never leave you. Strange but true.

The long overdue tag post

2008-10-21T08:46:00.001+06:00

So finally, i'm back. Kind of. And i've so much to catch up with, so many post from so many of my friends on so many of my friends' blogs. But it'll all fall into place inshaAllah.

First things first.

The tag season is here once again and i've been tagged by Blogger Exquisite to list some of my pleasures. Actually i'm a bit late, thanks to my mood and my procrastinative nature. My pleasures, i cant promise them all to be guilty ones, are many. So i had to think for a while to decide whether to set a limit or not. In the end, i decided against it. And for the interest of the readers, i'll try to keep them as short as possible.

1) FOOTBALL: People who know me even a little bit must've been expecting this. Football to me has grown from being a sport to a passion to a part of life. Yes, football really is something that i need the dose of to keep me happy. And the first choice is playing the game. The sense of competition, the beauty of the game, the effort we've to put in, the runs we make, goals we score or defend, everything brings one of the best kinds of pleasures, while in the moment, and in retrospect. Whatever i write about football wouldnot be enough because in one way my life does revolve around it. The best things is that football has given me some of my greatest friends. This is one thing that brings us all together like a big network. In fact, football is one big chunk of my life, and it never fails to lift me up. Never.

2) Chocolates: Whatever people say about chocolates, i love all of them. All kinds, all colours. Infact, the real pleasure is in trying different chocolates. Ofcourse, in my pocket money, affording chocolates is a daunting maneuver, but then, thats the fun. You sacrifice a whole meal for a bar of lindt etc. Thats the pleasure.

3) Pens: I think i've written about pens before to, if i remember correctly. One of greatest pleasures since my early years has been collecting different pens. But the real pleasure is writing with a different pen everyday. And i've a knack for good pens, needless to say. Lol.

4) Cats and Kittens: I love them. I love patting them. Whenever i see a kitten, stray or otherwise, i just cannot, CANNOT hold myself back from patting it. I JUST have to. And it feels so awesome. Moreover, i plan to keep tiger cubs sometime in life. I think that counts as a cat.

5) Texting: One of the two greatest things ever happened to communications. I love texting. Much more than calling actually. Its just great, so easy, so spontaneous, so short. And you can edit your texts lol. A friend normally argues with me on the merits of texting, and i say, texting is more personal than calling. I dunno Hows that true, but it is. Needless to say, texting is uplifting. Really.

6) Gprs: This is the second of the two greatest things that ever happened to communications. Its fascinating, and i'm found using my gprs for long long times. But the best part is, if it wasn't around, i wouldn't have blogged probably.

7) Food: I'm a total total food lover, a food freak. Food is ummmmm great, whether your mood is good or bad.

8) Desserts: If there's anything called a sweet tooth, i'm the sweet tooth (what's the opposite of fairy?) ghost!

9) Dancing: Though i dont really know how to, but i just love it. I do it alone mostly, practising different steps. Hehe.

There're many more i believe, but as yet, these are the dominant ones in my mind. And they're in no specific order.

An ode to the best of times

2008-10-18T00:42:00.001+06:00

Its pretty hectic these days. I'm in pindi to attend maryam's wedding. I just came here to let something out.
Maryam has been with me since ages, she's been one of my closest friends, my best cousin, one the the greatest people in my life and an extraordinary sister. Tonight, was her dholki cum mehndi. I danced alot, i even managed to do a skit then i took such cute pictures with her. But after all that, its all coming back to me. All the fun times we had. All the times we fought and made up. All the pranks we played. Its all coming back to me. I feel rock bottom. Which is not right. She's going to get married, she's going away.
Ideally i should've come up and should've written everything about her, about the times we spend together, but i cant right now. I really cant.
Right now i'm having those random flashbacks, and occasionally my mind goes blank. Right now i just want to say that i'll miss her and i'll miss her bad. But she so deserves all the happiness MashaALLAH. Love her.

Its her rukhsati tomorrow inshaAllah.

An important post.

2008-10-15T00:30:00.000+06:00

For some reason, i just cant bring myself to blogging, or even commenting for that matter. I have a tag post due, and there's so much going on these days, so much to write about, but for some reason, i just cant bring myself to visit my blog even, or anyone elses blog. Maybe its got to do something with someone going away forever, or maybe its just a little wittle phase.
Jo b, i say sorry to my blog for this selfishness and to blogger exquisite who tagged me (i'll write it very soon inshaAllah).
I'll be back very soon inshaAllah.

:(

Football is in the air

2008-10-08T16:14:00.001+06:00

Thank God. The football seasons have finally started after what seemed to me an eternity. I say SEASONS because, firstly i'm talking about the domestic leagues of england, spain and italy etc, and secondly, i'm talking about football at uet and football in our lives.
Although its common knowledge that thats been about 5 6 weeks since the BPL, Premiera Liga and Serie A started, but the realisation has come in the true sense just now. Maybe because we had a Ramazan break. But now its on.
Anyways, i'm not going to discuss the leagues, because plenty of other people are doing that. Its uet football that i'm going to talk about. Its been three days, and we've been playing in the sun like crazy. All day everyday, missing and bunking classes. And the fever has caught on very well! 05,06,07,08! Its cool.
Everyday, we tell Bajwa to bring the ball to the lecture theatres. Then, after one or two classes, we proceed to the football ground, sit for a bit, call up 07, tell them to get their arses right here and viola, the battlefield is set up in like ten minutes. Then as the game starts, it gets infectious. Passerbys become bystanders and you can hear people shouting "Oye may kis team may hun?"
you look around you can see people with their pants pulled up, playing barefoot (cant risk my sandals dad'd kill me) calling and shouting. People with the ball try to be as smooth as possible, lol, everyone wants their share of glory. Occasionally, there are people wincing in agony lying on the grass, and there are bodies flying here and there. But thats a part of the game na. The matches are hard fought to say the least, and bringing the ball back from behind the goalposts is considered the worst job.
As the sun continues to shine, sweat glistens on the foreheads and forearms of everyone, but it cannot dry out the passion. YES THIS IS WHAT WAS MISSING FROM LIFE!

And ufl (uet football league) is going to start soon. BROUGHT TO YOU BY.......TEAM NINE XI...which is ummmm US...

Like i say "BOYZES! FOOTBALL SCENE ON HAI!"

Mejdjdgmgwpd.a.djg

2008-10-07T08:48:00.001+06:00

Sigh. The teacher is talking in his jumpy english tone, without even pausing for a breather. I wanted to comment on sami's and Mahru's blogs but i'm too lazy and too fed up with mechanics of machines to do anything other than blab about it.
The teacher is bombarding us with stupid terms that are starting to sound gibberish to me,
"mean resisting torque"
"abscissa and ordinates" however you may spell the former
"turning moment diagrams"
"piston effort"
sigh. Kal sari classes bunk kin football k lia magar aj be parne ka dil nae chah raha.
Kia bakwas hai.
Din may 2 classes hoti hain unmay b janay ka dil nae karta.
Quizes are from next week, i'm praying they dont clash with Maryam's wedding.
Midterms are round the corner, and according to a consensus, the only subject we understand is mechanics of machines. The rest is all french uptill now. And whose fault is it? There're so many distraction, who has time for studies, Haina? Abi to the last two semesters went good MashaALLAH, dad was satisfied alhamdulillah and me too. I'm still basking in the glory of those two semesters.
I wanted to write so much but nothing's coming to my mind, thanks to the oscillation between pen and keypad, i've to note the lecture too.

Btw there's this cool joke i got a few days ago.

All the electrons were having a party when the protons attacked. Suddenly, a hero appeared and saved the electrons from the protons.
The electrons were surprised, they asked the hero "who're you?"
he said
"BOND
COVALENT BOND"

capturing shadows

2008-10-03T23:33:00.006+06:00

i love taking pictures of shadows. firstly its beautiful and cool and secondly, it hides the fact that u have a shitty camera. we did some shadow photography a few days ago, i've posted all of the pictures on facebook but i want to put some here too. so here they go, with a brief description.

this is my favourite picture, we tried to point guns at me standing in the middle, i'm not sure they look like guns, do they??

the one above is a good one aint it?? all boys lol...its important to notice how simple i am, i just a have a fist second from left, no fingers no nothing :p

a perfect example of a friend kicking a friend's butt. i love this pic, very very true :p

looks like a scene from some pakistani advertisement about corruption haina?? where they dont show the actual scene.

there are some other pictures, and one particularly good one but i won't wanna post that. its like those ads about AIDS where they say "qurbat k taluqat may ehtiat keejiay" and they're showing that image. i believe i should spare my reputation and refrain from posting that very picture. SORRY. abi k lia bas itna hi. :p

Counting stars

2008-10-03T00:55:00.001+06:00

Blogger Exquisite was right. I really do have something with stars and astronomy.
I was at my chotay taya's place for dinner, out in his courtyard and the lights suddenly went out. It was pitch black. But just as i looked up, i was astonished. The sky was the prettiest i had seen in a long time.
Khair this is not really the topic of the post. I reclined on a pillow watching the stars, fighting mosquitoes and accompanying flying species. Suddenly i couldn't stand the temptation of counting the stars anymore. I started counting, ek do teen...after 42 i shifted to english though i know puri urdu ki counting. Anyways, when i reached 76, i forgot where i started and which stars i already counted. I started again and forgot. My cousin said "ho gaey count?"
i replied "nae ho saktay count"
he opined again "han nae ho saktay"

but i couldn't cope with this resignation. Man is so intelligent, there must be some way. I thought i need to find that way.

I found it.

The trick is to make a ring out of your index finger and thumb, keep it at a distance of one foot from your eyes, and start from the bottom right corner of the sky. Now look through the ring and count the stars inside the ring. Do this first with your right hand then place your left hand (the ring made out of your index finger and thumb) on top of the right, and repeat the process. Cover the whole sky doing this and you can easily count the stars.

I did almost a quarter of the sky, i got to 50. This is indeed a very good method and very effective in counting stars. Very easy, very accurate.

*Sigh* i wish it was true.

Chef's special

2008-10-02T16:36:00.001+06:00

A wonderful nashta (one that takes you into your past, one that you've had after two long years)

Menu:
2 parathas made from desi ghee, cooked on my tayee's wood fueled clay stove.
Aaam ka achaar.
Mirch ka achaar.
Fried egg, thora sa.
Chai ki ek pyaali, cooked and cooked and cooked the hasilpuri style, already sweetened.

Venue:
meri tayee ka kitchen

i'll post a picture too inshaAllah once i get hold of a computer.

P.s. Yummmmmeeee
p.p.s. Changeer may khanay ka apna maza hai
p.p.p.s. Yummy

Ran-star-dom

2008-10-01T23:58:00.000+06:00

Woah this is beautiful. i just laid my back on the charpoy placed in the frontyard cum sehan of my taya's place and the first thing or things i saw, stars! Its like i'm in the planetarium, they're so clear and pretty. Some are bright, some very dim but certainly they're much clearer than they're in Lahore.
If i look around, i'll find a series of other charpoys, and some members of the animal kingdom as well, tethered nearby, some sleeping others just grazing quietly. To be precise, its 3 cows and 8 goats. But you wont wanna count the mosquitoes out, small but powerful. So that makes 1million and 11 animals around me. And frankly, the pedestal fan aptly carries the aroma of the above mentioned 11 animals. But nevermind, the fan also carries that aroma away, so its just a passing smell lol.
Anyways, mom dad and sis wanted to sleep inside, and i pity them coz its kinda hot inside. Kinda hot means pretty hot and humid. Despite the extra fan that taya arranged for them.
I've been sleeping around all evening, at different places, mostly at Bari Phuppo's place, in her courtyard, in the heat, sweating, but still sleeping. Maybe thats coz of the hangover of the surprise eid syndrome. When i got back to taya's place i realised my back itched, i still dunno why. That itch is gone but i'm guessing some adventurous mosquitoes decided to venture in unknown territory. Very intelligent of them. I'm good now anyways alhamdulillah. This pedestal fan is shooing the mosquitoes away.
The rest of my family is finding it very difficult to sleep in hasilpur coz of the heat. Funny how luxuries like the ac can change you. As far as i'm concerned, lately, i've come under the bad influence of my own sleepiness. Which means i fall asleep in all states of rest or motion; rickshaw, bus, car, van, garmi, sardi, 5 ppl on one mattress, sofa, sitting, standing, half sitting half reclining and what not. So i'm not really complaining. Besides, its just the mosquitoes that bother me, the rest is fine.
Hey i got eidi, kafi sari MashaALLAH, still haven't counted it properly, but i think i can finally buy bvlgari inshaAllah.

Anyways, the stars are pretty, though when i started writing this post, i had my glasses on and now i dont (imran bhai took them away). Now i can only see the brightest of stars and i'm guessing they're pretty from previous knowledge. But that doesn't really matter. We can sleep as long as the stars are around. When sun pushes its way through, its retreat time! Ofcourse i'll try finding cold enough room inside the house to catch on my sleep. And i'll get some place inshaAllah inshaAllah.

Eid mubaaarraaaaaaaaaaak

2008-09-30T23:32:00.002+06:00

Woaaah…just came back home..on my way back I got to know that as always, on a last minute decision, Eid has been announced tomorrow. When I read the text and simultaneously, when yasir and adeel read the texts, we gave eachother highfives and did a round of bhangra. Lol. The happy-happ-out-of-control bhangra that we’re famous for. But then the reality dawned on me…DAMN…its Eid tomorrow and there’s so much to do. Pack clothes for tomorrow (have to leave for my village after Eid prayers InshaAllah), take out my eid outfit, send so many texts, callup so many people but before all that, I wanted to wish my blog and blog readers a very happy Eid. So after wishing usman, adeel and yasir an advanced eid, exchanging triple hugs, doing the bro-eid style hug (you’ve to see it to know what I mean), here I am at my computer, and I can hear mom saying “sara din doston k sat haur abi b daikhlo” lol…that’s Pakistani moms and Eid…love u

Anyways, all the pessimism in the air has vanished, atleast for me. I mean, all of a sudden the air isn’t heavy anymore. I hope it’s the same for everyone of you. Though, thoughts of the people who were killed recently will always stay with us, but Allah gives us this great occasion to take a respite from all that’s going around us. To see positivity, to see the light, that little light in the darkness. I hope you all see it.

Oh God, I am so excited. For so many reasons. Eidi eidi eidi man…I hope I get it…though the sudden announcement of eid will dwindle the chances as I’d have gotten eid some eidi on a proper chand raat but never mind…maybe I’ll get some at my villege. Sorry but I really am greedy when it comes to eidi. I wanna buy my bvlgari!!! And I’m so excited I’m gonna wear my a-sprinkle-of-milo-in-a-glass-of-milk-ish white kurta shalwar tomorrow inshaAllah, i’m gonna look hot or what…lol...i really wanted to try it out this Friday but then it would’ve lost its novelty I think, patience is a virtue…and I’m gonna drive half of the way tomorrow inshaAllah…dunno if that’s good coz driving with dad is like an exam…shoes shoes…yeah I’ll have to do with my hush pups, the old ones, coz I didn’t go to heera mandi to buy khedis this time…too lazy..though friends were going…my hairdo and my beard is all right I think, so are my moustaches or lack of it…what’s left…something’s missing…let me think…ummm…yeah I heard the load shedding situation is kinda bad back in Hasilpur (my village, though it’s a city now but I prefer calling it village, I can relate to that more)…

Enough about my preparations, mom’s calling me…”Aao packing karo”…five more minutes and she’s gonna sacrifice me before eid-ul-adha…its first maybe I’ll get my pocket money tomorrow, with an increase…yippee…InshaAllah InshaAllah…

EID MUBARAK TO EVERY ONE…RAJJ K EID MANAO
Three hugs \o/ \o/ \o/
Got em?

P.S. the puraaanaa hassaan is back…
p.p.s. mospel babanay walon ki taraf se eid mubarak...there are gonna be so many machhars in hasilpur...eid mubarak to them as well

Blah blah

2008-09-28T23:45:00.001+06:00

There's so much to write about. And about one of those things i'm really really excited but i cant write about it just yet. The reason is that to write about it, i've to do it first. Anyways, i just wanted to state here that i really do have things to write about. Lol.
Well, i'm kind of a non-social blogger. I mean, like all other people, i dont go browsing blogs other than the very few i know of. Thats because firstly there's not really much time and secondly browsing from the cell phone is a very irritating thing which i'm not really ready to face as yet. Anyhow, things do change for small periods of time, i sit on the computer and try to browse through blogs. But i'm not good at this at all. Sometimes i feel bad for this, but then i think the 4 or 5 blogs i visit are sufficient for me right now. Perhaps in the near future i'll step into new realms. haha. Talk about getting eloquent. Btw these days i find myself at a loss of words. Maybe uet has got to do a lot in that, but then that happens for phases of your life doesn't it? I hope its normal. I dont read anything other than the blogs or my facebook stati (plural for status huhuhahaha) or occasional wall posts. These days i dont even get to read the newspaper, no tv nothing. Pta nae kya karta rehta hun.

Btw i was wondering what could be the stupidest thing in the world. I found an answer, one of the stupidest things is filling the UET FEE CHALLAN FORM! Its five freakin pages. And i've to fill them all right now, after i'm free of the Eid Milling and stuff.

As an endnote, i never knew what was the actual purpose of blogging, or put it this way, i never truly understood it. My blog is turning out to be a diary, an electronic diary. But what the hell. Noooooo its turning out to be rough or draft pad. Pta nae.

The tragic tailor

2008-09-27T09:39:00.001+06:00

Day before yesterday, suhail bhai who happens to be my cousin, told me that the tailor who i gave my suit for stitching, Naveed is his name, his new born baby died. He was telling me he was the first baby and all i was kind of shocked because he's a really young young guy, and we've been his clients for 3 4 years and virtually the entire family so he knows us all.
Anyways, the ultimately selfish question which i was ashamed of asking at first, sprung up
"matlb suit time pe nae milay ga?"
Anyways it didn't really matter if the suit was delayed a bit, because i only have to wear it to Maryam's wedding, which is 2 weeks after eid inshaAllah. What shocked me was the fact that Naveed was this always smiling person, very well dressed and all, and i couldn't imagine this happening to him.
Later that night, at about 11 30 the bell rang. I asked who it was and i heard "NAVEED" i was shocked!
Checking my memory to recognise his voice to see if he really was the same naveed i opened the door and he was standing infront of his bike, holding a coat. After getting over the initial shock I thought he had brought the preliminary size, that they usually do to check if the coat fits. But he was like "Sir sil gya hai"
i was shocked again, because the suit wasn't even due anyways! Even if the death hadn't taken place!
Anyways, i took him inside and he asked me to try it on. When he was holding the coat and i was trying it on, he was still smiling, but faintly. All the while i wondered how difficult would it be for this man to come here, to do something for my happiness when he knew his happiness was nowhere around him. Death of your first child, that you've helped your wife carry for nine whole months, who you've dreamt of naming, raising and owning, and one day seeing him grow up! I found out it was a baby boy.
I wanted to talk to him about it, but i really couldn't bring myself to it no matter how hard i tried.
When papa came home five minutes later, i heard him talking to naveed about it.

I tried to think of all the reasons for naveed bringing me my suit so soon, despite the death of his son. Professionalism, concern for business, Regard for our family and blah blah blah blah, but i rejected every reason myself, because knew it was only his patience, his faith that kept him going, that told him that even such disastrous events happen for a predestined reason, and once they happen, you cant do anything about it.
Maybe he's that strong, or maybe i'm wrong.

The Three Stage Theory

2008-09-25T15:41:00.002+06:00

Some years ago, i formulated a theory, i dont know if it existed already, but i think i came up with it. Even if i'm wrong, for me, i'm still the person behind it.

Actually, A levels was a life changing experience for me. Not only for me, A levels is life changing for everyone because its that stage where you really start feeling independent.
Now i had previously been very naive with people, dealing with people that is. As a result, most of the time, i got disappointed. But the experience wasn't lost, infact i learn a lot from it. At the end of it all, in my A levels, i realised something. I called it a theory, and i've just come up with a name, The Three Stage Theory.

This theory is actually pretty simple and is applied everyday in our lives. I hope i'm able to explain it, without having to undermine the clarity with which it exists in my mind.

The theory states that there are 3 stages of knowing someone.

STAGE 1- this is when you meet the person for the first time, this is the FIRST IMPRESSION STAGE. Now as we all know with first impressions, they can be good or bad, and each possibility has an equal chance. This stage also extends to people who you never get beyond salutations, so infact you practically only have the first impressions about them.

STAGE 2- this is the stage when you get to know a person better, infact much better. You get to spend some time with them, you normally share some common interests, you sit and talk about current affairs or anything that goes around but the talk rarely or even never wanders to your or the other person's deepest feelings. You're not close but you're not far apart as well, this is like an intermediate stage. What's funny is that i found out that at this stage, an overwhelming majority of people are nice!! They're caring, friendly, considerate, at this stage that is. Very few people come across as BAD people at this stage.

STAGE 3- this is the final and most important stage. This is when you go beyond the niceties, you go inside a person's heart and soul. You really know what the person is about. This is a cruel stage, because people who appeared NICE previously might not be so, and you might have to take them back to stage 2 or even 1! This is when you come so close to a person that you actually get to see chinks and scratches in the apparently shiny armour. You get to know about every fault of the other person, and you get to experience that first hand. But things aren't always bad. This is the stage where you can actually pour your heart out to the person, you can speak without having to think.

now its upto us, to what stage we take people. of course things also happen automatically, but we do have a lot more control than we believe. i found this a way to categorize people i used to meet. but there's one thing i learnt, when you take someone to STAGE 3, you have to learn to accept their flaws as they are, taking people back to STAGE 2 hurts. Nothing about humans is perfect, not even the relationships we are in. Reverting just because of a few flaws is not a good idea. Infact, its very important in the first place to identify exactly who you want to take the risk with of taking to STAGE 3.

another thing, when you are close enough to someone to see their flaws, they can very very very well see yours too.

p.s. i cant believe i wrote such a heartless emotionless post

The CJ

2008-09-23T15:28:00.002+06:00

There's this girl in our bus who's very pretty. She's in my batch but since she's in a different department, a different faculty, we dont even know her name. Imagine, 2 years and we still dont know her name!
Now like many other things, imran and i have this thing in common that we've a crush on her. Like simultaneously. Lol. Like seriously.
Amongst ourselves, we make plans as if she's our bandi, which means is that sometimes, we end up arguing k "ye meri bandi hai tumari koi aur hai"
or
"tumay to wo wali ziada achi lagti hai na tum isko chhoro"
or
"you dont deserve her"
or even
"she doesn't deserve you, you are too good for her"

imran used to tell me he dreamt of her, periodically, but today it happened to me lol. Wo b fajr k baad, which means it'll come true, inshaAllah. Lol lol lol. Btw we call her CJ, which means Chhota Jigger. Actually her elder sister was our senior who also used to go in our bus and we called her BJ, Bara Jigger.

Anyways, there're a few characteristics that she has, the most important of which is her Nike sandals! Lol. We've been watching them forever and i remember i saw her in hkb a little while ago and i recognised her from her sandals! Then her bus stop which is on ferozepur road, near the Gaddafi gate. Me and imran normally sit on the entrance of the bus, or stand beside it, and we've to get up and out whenever someone has to get off or on the bus. Same is the case with CJ, whenever she's to get off, or on (in the morning) we've to get off. When she's passing by we act all cool and dont even look at her, lol, is that cool really? We look anywhere but not at her. Then there's this guy who gets on the bus from her stop and we call him LD, Lucky Dog that is, coz he gets to be with CJ.
Some days ago, she asked of to close that flap on the roof of the bus coz it was raining. I tried acting cool, to impress her. I pulled down with a single hand. It wont budge. I tried again. Same result. Then i used both hands, it still wont budge! I could hear giggles, and i was going red. I gave a tug and put all my weight on it, and after a while it finally gave in, but not without embarrassing me. That was probably our only exchange of convo other than the excuse mes.
But she really is pretty MashaALLAH. I dont know if we'd ever get to interact by 2010, obviously of uet mahol, which makes this interaction totally difficult. But lets not make many excuses, i'm shy as well. Sigh. Maybe she's out of reach of both me and imran.
But then, this we already know about it in our heart of hearts :)

p.s. This is dedicated to the desperation and the mahol of uet.

totally random

2008-09-22T21:56:00.001+06:00

I sit in front of my computer right now recollecting the happenings of the day, and I realize it’s been a long long long day. Not bad at all, but long and tiring, accentuated by the different mood swings that the weather decided to have, it seems like I’ve been through two days or something.
Anyways, it started off with the usual bus ka scene, the only difference today was that there were new Freshmen, yes the long awaited 08 batch. As I climbed onto the bus the first person I spoke to was Jaws who was like “Boy 08 walay hain ye, 2 electrical walay” like me he and hamza too had a shine in their eyes. Anyways, imran came into the bus a little while later and then it was fun at the back of the bus. Three of the freshies were in big trouble as in no time they were made to do unspeakable stuff and then they even had to clean car and bus windows and ask for money. One of them even brought 10 rupees and almost missed the bus in the process (we stopped at the signal and got him off).
Anyways, university was a strange strange scene today, after my Solid Edge class, we were free for like another two hours so we sat at our usual place watching hell break loose as the 07 batch, the second years that is began their first fooling day. The uni seemed a total mess, total anarchy. They were seriously mad with vengeance or whatever and we were like, oh kids kids kids, obviously we had done that at our time too, last year that is. Anyways, 06 was in it too, and after some time we noticed that people found this the only day they’d be able to talk to girls so like everywhere, guys from the senior sessions acted as juniors and got themselves ragged to go to girls. I can’t explain the whole situation right now but it’s all like I ask my friends to send me to a girl and act as if its part of the fooling thing and therefore tada, I’d have talked to the girls. Well, from that point onwards, it all seemed as if it was the most difficult days for all the girls around. At one point I even wished UET was all boys, man a girl couldn’t walk today without a school of guys shouting behind her and another guy acting all innocent trying to talk to her. Sigh, I really pity the poor creatures. We ragged our freshies to tears last year but ye girls wala scene was totally not on. I dunno what got into people this time around, all ragging was forgotten and it was girls only  somehow we all thought it was funny that we had lost our passion for ragging, maybe we’ll still do it in the bus, its much better with many more creative ideas.
Enough about it, the long farigh day was followed by a long discussion with Mohsin Bhai at lalazar, which was long overdue. In no time, it was time for the meeting, which was supposed to be the decider. The Debating Society meeting that is. Anyways it looked cool today as we all gathered in the Environmental Seminar Hall to discuss stuff, obviously, nothing came out today except for a few positive rays of sunshine probably just to fuel our optimism, how true will they be, well another week another meeting. Sucky meeting due to a sucky sucky comment.
Anyways I got dropped off to usman’s for iftari and had a nice one wid usman, adeel and haddiya. After that I don’t know what happened we all went to sleep one by one on the sofas. First haddiya, then me, then usman. I was woken up by Hannan’s voice and then I went to sleep again. Later after much ado, I was able to convince usman to atleast drop me off to Kalma Chowk.
The weather was very pretty as I crossed the chowk on foot to look for a rickshaw which I got in no time. I stopped at the shell select shop. Sometimes, I like to pamper myself and today was one of those days. I simply love the huge glass refrigerators with tons of drinks inside. Anyways after looking around I settled for my favourite rani peach float and looked for something else too, to accompany it. But then decided to leave pampering for some other day, (Red bull costs 130 now!!! What the hell man, ek dam??)

Finally I sit here wondering what did I do all day, and after writing this post, It all doesn’t seem long at all to me. Maybe it was tiring, but nevertheless, the weather was awesome, it still is. No special reason for writing this post, just totally totally random.

High Points of the day:
“Polyyyyyyyyyy my man”
The new secret BRO handshake
08
Iftari may drumsticks sorta thingies
The weather
Rani peach float
I am actually sitting infront of my computer to write this post

Low points or not so high ones
“The previous GS wasn’t thru proper channel as well” wtf???
“DTBGS” wtffff???
Haven’t talked to mahru in dayssssssss
My procrastination: had to talk to Sahar Baji but couldn’t
I freaking hate this, each day gives me another person to despise at the society, each day opens another face of another person

Ek bay rabt pukaar

2008-09-21T16:28:00.002+06:00

May musalmaan hun, may ek pakistani hun,
phir bhi,
har roz mere khoon se fasaanay kyu likhe jatay hain?
har fasaanay ki, ek hi kahani hoti hai,
begunahon ki begunahi unke khilaaf gawahi daiti hai,
kehti hai ye musalmaan hain, ye pakistani hain, haan inhi ko maaro,
haan inhi ko zulm ka nishaana bnao,
akhir yahi to log hain,
jo apni kismat se lataluq hain,
jo apni zindagi se khush hain,
jinko apna mustaqbil nae chahye,
yahi wo log hain,
jinko na chahte huay,
ek paraaie jang ki bhent chharna parta hai,
han hum hi wo log hain

may hi wo hun,
jisay apno se bhi dar hai,
paraaey to phir apne nahin hotay,
jiske jism ko apnon k baarood nay chhalni kiya hai,
jisko har mor pe kaghaz ki tarah jalaaya gaya hai,
jiski har aah ko, insani zibahkhanay ki zeenat bnaya gaya hai,
mai hi hun ye,
ek musalmaan,
ek pakistani,
apnon se chhupa betha,
par kya ye wakaey mere apne hain?
Ye jo roz ek feraun ka kissa raqm karte hain,
jo namrood o chengez se aagay barh jate hain,
kya ye mere apne hain?
Kya ye musalmaan hain?
Kya ye pakistani hain?

Ye tukray mere hi jism k hain,
aur mere hi mulk k tukre hain ye,
jo har dhamakay k baad har simt may bikhray hain,
har saniha, is aag ko barhaata hai,
may sochta hun,
mere jism ki, mere mulk ki behurmati daikh kar,
ye mere bhai, mere hamwatan kaisay khamosh hain?
Kaisay inki dunya may mera koi amal dakhal nae?
Kaisay meri maut sirf ek taza khabar hoti hai,
jispe behas k baad pas e pusht daal dia jata hai,
kaisay mere hukamraan jinki wajah se may marta hun meri maut par syasat chamkaatay hain,
taqreerain karte hain,
nohay gatay hain,
kaise meri maut per likha jata hai,
kaha jata hai,
waaday kiay jaatay hain,
lekin phir b mje pta hota hai,
kal maine phir marna hai,
kal humne hi phir marna hai,
phir jaan daini hai,
kabi apni hi fauj k hathon,
kabi apne aap ko musalmaan kehne walay khudkush hamla awaron k hathon,
ya kabi to muje apne qatil ka b nae ilm hota!

Aye zalimo!
Muje kyu maarte ho?
Humain kyu maarte ho?
Muje to 2 wakt ki roti k ilawa kya chahye?
Muje apne bachon ki khwahishain hi to puri karni hoti hain,
maine to kabi tumaray baray may socha b nae,
mje kyu maartay ho?
Kya maine tumaray zulm pe kabi awaz uthai?
Kya maine kabi tegh-e-qalm se tumaray khilaf kuch likha?
Kya meri kahani itni aham hai k tum isko khatam kar dalo?
Maine to kabi khuda se b tumaray baray may dua nae ki,
maine to apni uljhanon se hi na nikal saka hun,
ye main to nae hun,
jo jaam peetay huay is mulk k faislay karta hai,
mulk na chalay to chor k bhag jata hai,
bhagay to panah b mil jati hai,
mje to panah b kon day ga?
May to yahan se bhag b nae sakta,
meri to dunya hi yahi hai,
meri dunya kyun tabah karte ho?
May ek musalmaan hi hun, may ek pakistani hi hun,
may begunah hun,
may hi ghareeb hun,
to muje hi tum khoon may nehla jatay ho?
Theek hai,
shayad yahi mera kasur hai,
k may kamzor hun,
meri zindagi itni zaail hai k isko haalat pe qurbaan hona parta hai,
maidan-e-jang ko rangna parta hai,
ye hum hi hain,
jinki pukaar be rabt hain,
jinki saansain ukharti hain,
jinka apna koi nae,
Khuda k siwa,
to Khuda pe hi phir chorta hun,
apna faisala,
hashar may main yahi puchun ga,
k main musalmaan tha, may pakistani tha,
phir tumne muje hi apni jang may maqtal-e-jang bna dia,
muje hi?
Han may kahoon ga k aye Khuda ye MAIN HI THA!!!